2005: Year in Review-Revelations & Resolutions: Part 1

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Before we say Goodbye '05, Hello '06!, I thought I'd take a few minutes to review this amazing year in my life!

I really believe that 2005, for many reasons, was the best year of my life-so far, and that being 21 and so far 22, has been absolutely wonderful!

What a fun and incredible journey!

The BEST of 2005:

* My trip road trip to Oregon & back!
What a life-changing, confidance building, independence assuring trip! My family, my friends-the open road-the cities, the country sides-the highways-and bi-ways-words cannot express what a fun and fantastic trip that was-for every single moment, every single person and every single mile-I'm eternally grateful-for the opporntunity, the fun, the love, the support, the prayers-and the many lessons learned! Beyond amazing!

*My kidney scare back in April:
For the first time in my life-I ALLOWED myself to go deep into that place of self-pitty and loathing-I've never allowed that and I think, at some point, for like a day or two, we are ALL entitled to that-as long as we realize that it too shall pass and not forget our greater blessings and the bigger picture! That kidney scare reminded me of just how precious, sacred and obviously healthy my life is-and how that can all be taken away in a moment! It also showed me who my true family and friends are-thank you to those of you who showed up, even if only in spirit, with your prayers and concern-I so appreciate it!

*Hurricane Katrina:
Okay, tragic; yes, scary; yes-unneccessary; maybe not. It brought out a lot of the flaws in our government and made EVERYONE that much more grateful for THEIR families and friends-and homes. It reminded us that it is so not about things, but rather about people and the common bond we share simply because we're all human beings. HK also forced us to really come together and help one another out! It's sad that it takes a tragedy of that caliber to bring out the best in us-but that's exactly what it did-and for those reasons, and ones above-I'm grateful for it!

*My Birthday/Christmas/All of December 2005:
The BEST month of my life-even despite my pnuemonia-truly the healthiest, most joyful, most loved and adored and blessed I've EVER felt in my entire life! From seeing my family at home in Reno, to a white Christmas, to lovely suprise gifts I didn't ask for and never expected but loved-to a birthday hunk, lobster dinner, and being able to make it special for my family in return-the BEST Holiday Season EVER!

Now, onto other things.......

I'll start by saying that in my personal opinnion, the world in general is getting scarier by the minute-MY world is getting better and better!

Last night, my mom and I were watching 20/20 and they said that we, as a society, work a lot less harder than our ancestors and have much more liesure time than they did. The show talked about how great the world is and how safe it is and how good we have it; and we do have it quite easy when compared to our ancentors-but people, if THIS MESS is as good as it gets-I'd HATE to see what "bad," really looks like.

The thing that I've most learned this year though is that even though the world is crazy and nuts and scary-MY world does not have to be. I can CHOOSE to carve out my own little place in this world-a place that is peaceful and loving and healthy. And that choice is entirely my own.

That's not to say I don't care about the world-I absolutely do-it breaks my heart when I stop and think about all the disease, famine, starvation, crime, violence and injustice in the world-especially when women and children are victims of all of the above-but here's what I've learned: to everything a season-this too shall pass-NOTHING is permanent-whether it be good or bad or otherwise-there IS a time and a place and a REASON for EVERYTHING. I've always believed that, but this year, I lived it!

What people do not understand is that there will NEVER be perfection or world peace-never has been, never will be-but we could definately improve upon the situation we're-everyone seems so concerned to stop world hunger and diseases and stuff-when the truth is-it's part of life. Tragedies happen, and they're in fact what make us strong. It's NOT fair, it does often put us in a place of greif, denial and terror-but God has a way of weeding us out. Disease, famine, starvation, things of that nature-it too IS part of the life cycle-and as devestating as it is, it's always been part of the life cycle and always will be.

Yes, I can do my part-I can donate a few cans of food to my food bank, I can give a few dollars to various charities, I can write letters to my congressman/women and voice my oppinions-but I can only do so much-it's a GROUP effort-and we're all in this together.

ONE person CAN/DOES make SUCH a difference-but it's not up to me ALONE to solve the problems of this world. Like Naomi Judd says, 'surrender as ruler of the Universe,' it's true. I can do my part, and then I must simply LET GO & LET GOD-because He can and He does know best-for everything and everyone-including me!

LESSONS LEARNED IN 2005:

In short, one of the other biggest lessons I learned this year is: I did not come to fix the world. The world was hard before I arrived, and it'll be hard when I'm gone; it's not my job to single-handedly fix the world. And before I can fix ANYTHING, I have to be right within MYSELF. That may sound selfish, but I wish more people understood this-I think half of the B.S. in this world would/could be solved if people just stopped bugging everyone else and trying to fix them-and just turned inward to themselves, minded their own affairs and paid attention to THEMSELVES!

This world-while an often frightening, ugly place is at its purest form a beautiful, magical, miraculous place-and life is an astonishing graceful gift-as long as I try to spread THAT joy around-that Light that lives within us that may come from personal faith, or love of family or just sheer happiness-if I try and pass that on to someone-with a smile or a kind deed-than I've done my job for the day. It's the LITTLE THINGS that make this life and this world worth living in and putting up with! I've learned this year that as long as I do my best to live my life with love, compassion, grace and hope and turn to God not just when I'm in dior straits for His help-but each and everyday-as long as I'm kind and true to myself and loyal to those who show me the same affection-than I'm okay.

I've learned to respect the life stream of EVERYONE. I've come to respect my fellow men and women simply because they ARE-they're here, they're alive, they've survived; 'cause let's face it, life is TOUGH-and at times, excruciatingly painful-so even though I may not like a certain person-I enough respect for them to realize that they too are human-and probably have had it no easier than I have-and that alone is worth respecting!

I've forgiven A LOT, not for the people I used to hate, but for myself. I decided that NO ONE, except for God and myself, will run and or ruin my life. NO ONE will ever again hold the power to make me infuriatingly angry and upset-anger-like everything else in life-is a CHOICE. I can choose to be angry and resentful-or I can choose to again, LET GO & LET God. He'll judge them, and He'll take care of it-it's not my job-if God can forgive serial murderers than I can certainly forgive a few people who have wronged me in miniscule ways. Forgiveness isn't saying that what that person did to you was okay, or acceptable-it's just letting go and letting God and moving on. And forgiveness has brought me more joy and relief than anything out there. Try it, it's amazing!

Talking about the lifestream- I've also come to respect animals. I've never considered myself an animal lover and while most of them just scare the heck out of me(lack of control thing)-the more I look at us human beings-the more THEY (people) scare me. LOL!
In all seriousness, I used to see animals and pass them on as something that was different from me-I lived here in this society in my city/aparment, all civilized and smart; they (the animals) lived there-in the open lands/forrests/waters, carnivoristic and uncivilized. What I now realize is that civility, like everything else, is only what we make it out to be. A lot of those animals have it a lot more together than we do sometimes-after all, we are animals ourselves-just ascended forms of them. It's all about energy-and once I understood that-it became a lot to easier to respect life-and life streams-in all capacities........

(more to come)