Tube(s) of Toothpaste!

Yesterday I posted about how marriage and children aren't for everyone. Today, I'm back to thinking about marriage. I don't know WHY I think about it so much, I'm sixty-three days into it and to be totally honest, that very fact surprises me. It's not that Colin and I are both still here, together, that surprises me, it's that this marriage is working. I don't want to jinx it, brag about it or offend my husband; but, so far, it is working. And out of all the things I've done in my life, being married is one of the things I'm most proud of. Not because I'm especially great at it, or even that experienced with it. It's because it's an accomplishment. The older I get, the more I realize that life is tough. Yes, I'm an eternal optimist. It's fun and great and always full of hope; but it's also tough. And sometimes, being married makes it tougher; sometimes being married makes it easier; depending on the day. I was sitting here reading blogs about marriage and the people who love it, and people who hate it. I don't understand people who continue doing something they hate. I've never HATED being where I am. I may not always be the biggest fan of something going on in my life (whatever the case may be), but I can't remember ever HATING life. It just didn't occur to me that that was even an option. That's where my eternal optimism comes in. Because even in the face of adversity, hardship and pull-my-out-by-the-single-strand moments, I still love life! I sincerely do!

Marriage, however, is tricky because it forces you out and away from yourself that is unlike anything else I've ever experienced. I am actually going somewhere with this, trust me! It's a tricky balance; maintain your own identity and activities with theirs. Finding time as a couple and time for yourself. Even though I've always excelled at being able to keep my "me time" I find it often clouded with marital stuff. Perhaps not clouded, I'm not here unwillingly, just....marriage can consume you if you let it. Just like anything else can too.

As for me, I cook, I clean, I run errands, I make phone calls, I research/compile data, track information and keep financial records. And I do dishes--endless loads of piles of dishes. Because our dishwasher is broken and a dishwasher isn't really a necessity. (Or so I've been told, by my mother, not my husband. Believe me, if we OWNED this house and had an extra $500, we'd have had a dishwasher installed YESTERDAY!). And I agree, a dishwasher is not a necessity. I never learned how to properly load a dishwasher anyway. But I know my husband's biggest annoyance with me is this: I'll DO the dishes, but it is very rare that I actually put them away! I put them in the dish rack, "let God dry 'em." And this drives my husband insane.

This got me thinking: every single partner/spouse I know has a running list of "little annoyances" that their spouse does. And for most people, this list of annoyances is lengthened or shortened by the day. It depends on how tired you are, how hard you've worked that day, if the woman is currently experiencing PMS symptoms, or if the man going through his "leave me the hell alone, I need to be in my man-cave" phase. (Either of these can happen anytime, any day. Lovers be ware!) And if you don't think you and your spouse both have a list, you're seriously kidding yourselves! The key to a happy marriage, so far, is to look past and beyond these lists. And most importantly, ALSO have a running list of good things, proper things, right things and loving things your spouse does for you. Things you like about them, or even adore. This running list should be longer. It keeps stuff in perspective!

I believe any married person will tell you that maintaing your own identity is one of the hardships of marriage. One of the best ways to do this, I've found, is by having your own tube of toothpaste! Why? Well, for many married people, that "list of annoyances" concerning their spouse contains something to do with toothpaste.

It's either the kind of toothpaste (gel or actual paste), the flavor of toothpaste (cinnamon, mint or neither), the ability of the toothpaste (whitening, total mouth upkeep, or basic stuff) and the size of the toothpaste. I don't like running out of things, usually because I'm usually always the one running to store to pick them up. (Although lately, my man's been very good at going with me, thanks babe!) I don't like running out of anything really, I think it's because I was partly raised by my grandmother who grew up in the depression and stock piled everything in our house. To this day, I try and keep a running stock of things we have the things we need. So, in all reality, I usually have an extra tube of toothpaste beneath one of our bathroom cabinets. So the size of the toothpaste in my house isn't really an issue.

What is an issue is the location of the toothpaste and the condition in which the tube itself is in. (This is actually how we came to separate tubes of toothpaste.) This is the number one toothpaste complaint for most couples. Where did you put it, and how come it doesn't work right?. There's the toothpaste stain left in the sink (which I think we all dislike), there's the scrunched up mangled tube of toothpaste that you can never actually get the toothpaste out of. And then there's the empty tube of toothpaste when you're running late for something and need it really bad. Realistically, we do not need toothpaste. Baking soda and water suffice just fine. I learned this once on a Girl Scout camping trip.

But, there is not a couple I know of that hasn't experienced "toothpaste" issues. I wonder why that is? It is such a little everyday fact of life. And yet, toothpaste inevitably comes up on every list of "what annoys you most about your spouse?" I am lucky, I have a husband who really doesn't care what kind of toothpaste he uses--for the most part.

I personally adore Trader Joe's toothpaste. It's a no-frills, no additives/chemicals/sugar added toothpaste that makes my breath fresh, my teeth white and gets the job done in no time! My husband will not touch TJ's toothpaste with a ten-foot pole. So, on the rare occasion that I am out of toothpaste, I know it's my own darn fault. The same goes for him.

We have two different tubes of toothpaste, and when I think about it, this fact actually helps our marriage. There are so many things in life (and in marriage) that we cannot control. And often times, we are forced to learn both of those lessons the hard way.

We can control the toothpaste, though, so we do. Our indivisual tubes of toothpaste are a little symbol of our sustained independence; a tube of victory for our own individuality. This may seem small, but trust me, it's not. Having your own tube of toothpaste is a big fat, conflict-resolving helper! It eliminates tiny arguments. It's also symbolizes learning to the little things go. And of course, full-on ignoring the toothpaste stain one of you leaves in the bathroom sink every morning.

So, when we're still married in a number of years, and a young newlywed couple asks me for marriage advice, I think I'll let them in on this little tidbit: keep separate tubes of toothpaste, and have plenty of both on hand!

Here's to healthy teeth and even healthier, happier marriages!

Thank you, Lord, for it all!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)