Different Way of Going About It....God & Marriage

My husband and I were talking the other night about God, religion and spirituality. He commented that I'm religious, to which I said "please don't call me that, because I'm not."

I took a Religion Class in college and I learned a lot about religions around the world. In that class I also learned that religion is a "pathway, a book, more of a physical tool to God/Higher Power/Spirit," and I've always believed that to be true. I am quite spiritual, not so much religious. Kuddos to those who are, but for me, my beliefs and relationship with God are very personal. I've always said this, but I recently learned that it's really a personal thing for everyone. Allow me to explain....

A few months ago, my husband and I were praying together every night before bed. And I loved it. Unbeknownsed to me, however, he did not. One night, as I climbed into bed and took his hand, ready to pray together, he stopped and said "you know, I really don't feel right praying together. I believe in God and I'm grateful to Him, and you, and all that I have. But my time with Him is personal, and I just don't like sharing it." I have to be honest with you, I was ANGRY! I've never been a big church goer, but the thought of someone, ANYONE, saying NO to prayer--at any time?! Blasphemy! As far as I was concerned, my husband had just turned his back on me, and on God, and oh, I was fit to be tied.

In reality, my husband conveyed, right then and there, that he loved God and was grateful to Him. And looking back on it, that's really all I think God wants. Well, maybe not ALL He wants, but since I'm not Him, I don't know.

Anyhow, I had really enjoyed praying together with my husband for the 10 or so nights we did it. We got along better, we were kinder to one another. And it was great! So when he informed me he no longer wanted to pray together, not only was I angry, but I was also HURT!

I have always told my husband, from day one--literally--that NOTHING would come between me and my faith. My relationship with God is #1 in my life, and I've found that if/when I don't live my life that way, everything falls apart. But, I've also heard from every single couple I've run into--couples who have been married for LONG periods of time....10, 20, 50 years...they ALL say "Keep the Lord in your marriage, and you'll be fine." Or something along those lines. When my husband & I ran into long-married couples on our honeymoon, when we run into them at weddings we attend, when we catch them in a waiting room or restaurant.....they ALL say "God has made us last." So to me, it still makes NO sense as to why my husband does not want to pray out loud with me. I still don't get it. To be honest, if I didn't have faith in God, and I didn't rely on Him to help me every day, I would not have even made it to the altar to begin with--let alone stay married for the time that I have. Not that I've been married that long, but still. I KNOW I will not STAY married without God's help.

In fact, my marriage--and entire relationship with my husband, has brought me closer to God.

Marriage is made me think about God and His love, His requirements and His will. I do believe, as my husband, that God put us together--that's for sure. But, God never promised us an easy time. He tests us, sometimes, seemingly constantly.

But, a lot of the time, if/when I'm upset with my husband, I hand my feeling(s), along with the problem I'm having with him, over to God. I think of the way that God loves me--no matter what I do, no matter what I say. He (God) loves me unconditionally. And He (God) forgives me. He (God) shows me mercy and grace and love in a multitude of ways. This does not mean that God never gets angry with ME, or that He's never disappointed in me, it also doesn't mean that I don't hurt God sometimes or that I am completely unaccountable for my actions. It doesn't mean that I won't face consequences for my actions or that I can stand and blame, blame, blame everyone else for what I do and say. Not at all. It does mean, however, that in spite of my faults and flaws, God loves me anyway--as I am His child, and His creation!

Knowing all of this helps me love my husband better, deeper and continually. Even in the moments when I'm mad at that cute pain in the butt, I still love him. And I work to forgive him.

Forgiveness, not forgetfulness, is huge in a marriage. It's absolutely monumental and it plays a bigger part in marriage than most people think it does. Sometimes, marriage is all about forgiveness, and our greatest teacher of forgiveness is God! That's another in which God helps a marriage--especially mine!

I try everyday when it comes to my husband, to do most everything out of love. I don;t always succeed, but I try. (You know, if men would just realize that our "bitching" is most of the time because we CARE, they'd have a lot easier of a time in this life!)

Love can be a great feeling, and at times, it is a feeling. But, I think that true love is more of an action, a thought process, a decision. Love is a choice. Love does not hurt, it does not mean living in a dead-end & constantly miserable existence. But, it also wasn't meant to be easy all the time. If anything in life were easy all the time, we'd never appreciate the great things we have! Think about it.

Why am I writing this? Two reasons.

The first of which is because I found our wedding vows this morning, in a pile of papers. We said the traditional vows (minus the wife "must obey" part, 'cuz I'm not surrendering to anyone, except God!), and we also wrote our own. Oh, they were entirely sweet, and even though my husband's "not the writer," between the two of us--his vows to me were truly touching! They were so sweet and sincere and amazing! In them, he mentioned that both myself and prayer, have given him a peace he's never known before. That was my favorite part of the vows he said to me. (Well, that and the fact that he promised in front of God and everybody to kiss me goodnight for the rest of my life! :) Believe me, I hold him to that one!) It is my privilege and my pleasure to bring my husband closer to prayer, and to God--regardless of how he goes about it. And that's the bottom line, it honestly did not occur to me, until this morning...that HOWEVER my husband wants to connect with God is just fine with me. While I can't speak for God, I'm sure it makes Him happy that my husband is talking to him at all, it certainly makes me happy!

Sure, would I like my husband to pray WITH me? Yes. Would I love it if my husband and I shared the same exact beliefs about God? Perhaps, but probably not. It makes things interesting, it makes it fun, it makes it real and honest and never boring!

We both agree on this: we are creations and children of God. God is everywhere, in everything, and at all times Present with us. That we can call on Him, whenever and wherever, we need Him, and that He loves us...as only God can love us.

And when I take that into consideration, it's no so bad. I've heard that married people should share the SAME belief system...and we do, to a point. I've always been highly spiritual, so I never expected my husband (no matter who he ended up being) to participate on my level. Not that I'm high and mighty or even right, about the way I go about having a relationship with God, and communicating with Him--but still...I believe I came into this life, wanting to know God, and always wanting to learn about Him--in some form or another.

Are my husband and I perfect? Absolutely not. Do we attend church? Nope. Could we quote the Bible? A little bit, but not much. Does this bother me? Sometimes. Does it bother my husband? No. And you know what, that's perfectly okay! Differences make the world go round, and I think that since God created both me and my husband--I have to believe that it's okay for him to go about reaching God differently.

I also have to believe that because it would be highly hypocritical of me and amazingly un-Christian of me to judge my husband. For anything. But especially for this. We both consider ourselves Christians, but with an open-mind and high tolerance for others. As long as they're not hurting others--we frown upon that.

The second thing that made me think about this entry was when I logged onto Facebook this afternoon. Our sister, is having a hard time right now. She's 13, need I say more? But, in all seriousness, my husband responded to one of her posts with this comment: "Always remember three things, GOD, Family, Friends. =-) we all love you." Do you notice what he put first? God! My husband put God first....in his advice to our sister, in his mind, in his heart. And if he wants to go about doing that a different way than I do, or doing it alone--than who the heck am I to judge that?

If my husband doesn't want to pray together now, who's to say that won't ever change. It might. It might not. But either way, it's obvious that my husband loves, and believes in, God. He says he prays everyday--on his way to work, in the shower during the day--and that's good enough for me.


Knowing and loving God helps us to know and love others. It has certainly helped me to know and love my husband, in a better way! And it has helped us, as a couple, to love & support each other, as well as our family & friends!

For this, and so much else in our lives, I am eternally grateful.

I wish each of you a fantastic, spiritual Sunday--if that's how you so choose to spend it. If you don't, that's really okay with me. Because, hey, we all have a different way of going about it!

God Bless Us Everyone!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz