I'm Content..Another Great Weekend w/ Colin, Gratitude & 'The Plan!'

I was sitting here thinking about my wonderful weekend with my boyfriend! We saw some friends, gambled, won some money, met up with my Aunt Patti and her husband, Gary, rested, relaxed and best of all--enjoyed the heck out of eachother's company! AND, he fixed my computer and cleaned it up for me as I finally got my long awaited external harddrive that I so desperately needed!!! Thank you baby, really, thank you SO much for taking care of that for me! Colin and I had some great conversations today, and I love the sweet kisses he gave me when he left. That was great! ;)

I was sitting here thinking about him, reading about our birthdates (the link for today--click on the blog entry's title) and things like that and you know, my boyfriend is very intense. I love him more than anything, really, and we're very much a like he and I. But, he's quite intense.

Whatever it is Colin is doing, he's doing it 100%. He's not really good at multi-tasking (most men can't though, so it's not just him), but when he does something, he does it all the way. And I got to thinking; I'm the same way! I do things 100% or I don't do them at all. Neither one of us is a half-ass kind of person, we do things all the way! If something ends up not working, oh well, we had fun and hopefully, learned something a long the way. (By the way, I don't mean "us" not working, I just mean things in our life in general!)

I think I'm a lot mellower than my boyfriend, on some things--there are times when I do need to chill out and my sense of humor is a little lacking a lot of the time....but, I think my spirituality is what keeps me sane. My faith in God, my meditation(s) and things like that, that's what keeps me calm and mellow.

Okay ,sure, I'm not always calm and mellow, and trust me, there are some things in this world that get me really fired up. But, I've learned to just mellow out most of the time, now. I used to be way more intense than I am now. I used to be full of anger and hostility and all of that. Not so much anymore. I think that's a good thing, because Colin can get very intense. I'm intense too, But, of the two of us, I'm the calmer one--concerning most things, on most days. Not always, but I try.

The thing is, Colin makes me calm...

If he and I are getting along, than that makes everything else right in my world--even if we're not, my life is still great and beautiful and blessed. But, when Colin and I get along, it just makes the rest of my life easier to handle, you know. We don't argue that often, and when we do, it's over really quickly. We're great at communicating and resolving things. But, on the occasion that he and I don't get along, that's when my intensity gets on my own dang nerves! LOL!

But, seriously, Colin has totally mellowed me out on a lot of things.

I know that both of us can't be wiggin' out at the same time, so we kind of take turns with it. It's great because whenever I get all riled up over something, he'll just go "calm down, baby, don't worry. we'll get through it" You know what I love most about that sentence? "WE'LL get through it." Someone finally wants to work through this crazy life with me. That's pretty awesome. How humbling!

It's a great thing we have here: when one of us is all upset or anxious or too intense, the other will just go "it's okay, I'm here, calm down, chill out." I LOVE that about us. We balance each other out. I think we're very compatiable because of that. We make a good match. Sure, we have our off days and our moments of pure "what the hell is he/she about?," but over all....we get along pretty well. And I like that he's intense. I wonder if people see me as really intense. I'll have to ask around. You know how a lot of guys say "I'm pretty laid back," or "I'm mellow," Colin never said that, and I'm glad, because he's not. I'd like to think I'm easy going myself, but perhaps, I'm not...

Most of what I see in Colin, I see in myself. We're so much a like, in so many ways, we really are. The things I don't like about Colin are things I've tried to change about myself. If/when I don't like something he's doing or saying, I try really hard to look at myself and go "do I do that too? Do I, or have I, or would I say that too?" He's already taught me a lot about myself. And that's always a good thing. We all have our faults, and I'm certainly not perfect either. I think, at our core, Colin and I are both very selfish people. He was single for a while, and I'm an only child, so we tend to sometimes forget "okay, there's this other person here," but I've noticed in the last month or so, we've both gotten a lot better at it. We do for each other. We take care of eachother. And I love that. I really enjoy taking care of him and I absolutely love and adore the fact that he's willing and able to take care of me. It's nice having a best friend and a partner you can do that with--it makes life much easier, and a lot happier too!!! But anyway, for some reason, the stars aligned this weekend and we just had the best time. We always have a good time together, and we miss one another when we can't see each other. But, for me, this weekend was just especially great.

Saturday, I ordered a pizza (Round Table, his favorite!) and made a candlelight picnic in the living room! I rubbed his feet and then we watched a movie! It was so much fun! Then, yesterday, he let me sleep in (he always does--I hope that continues) and brought home breakfast for us both. That was so sweet. I got up and there was coffee (I gotta have my coffee) an egg sandwich and hasbrowns, it was so nice. Very thoughtful. He seems to do thoughtful things on Sundays...like last Sunday on our 5 month anniversary when he left me a little note on the pillow. That was so sweet! (This isn't to say he's not thoughtful the rest of the week because he does a lot for me--he really does!). Anyway, after breakfast yesterday, we watched some great shows on Discovery and National Geographic. Shows about deadly animals and mountains and oceans. It was so cool! THOSE are shows I can watch! :) I learned a thing or two also-so that's good! Then, we went and hung out with some of his friends from CA and then met up with Patti and Gary for dinner at Margaritaville! It was really fun. I picked the wrong damn shoes to walk on the strip in, but oh well. He rubbed my feet for me last night, as well as my back and that was just wonderful! This morning, we got up and went to Wal-Mart and found some really cool things we needed; like shoes, shorts and pants! It was fun! I got him to shop at Wal-mart, haha, it was not Macy's for once--I used to work at Macy's--nothing against it, but you know, I'm a Wal-Mart kind of girl. I don't agree with their company's policy, but I'm a girl on a budget, why pay more for something when you can pay less for it? You know, common sense and logistics! Seriously! Then, he took care of my computer for me, it's running SO much better and we just hung out and talked. His mom called at one point and so did his dad--that was pretty funny, a plane ticket from LA "dad, I don't live in LA" "Oh yeah, duh." LOL! That was hilarious, you had to be there! Sorry. Then we just talked and he went home around 3pm. I enjoyed my evening to myself and was looking foward to my time alone, but on the other hand, I dind't want him to leave. We really love being with each other and sometimes, even after days of being together, I don't want to leave him. Pathetic, I know, I'm so in trouble here. LOL! Oh well, I think he is too, but it's the good kind of trouble and at six months into this (well, almost), it's good to know where we stand and how feel about each other. Really, really good. Anyway, my point is, I had another wonderful weekend. It was, well, the best, like my life. I know, I know, I say it all the damn time, but really, my life is just so damn cool! I have the best life!

It's not because I'm rich or famous (neither of which is true) or anything like that, but I have the best people and a fantastic boyfriend and a place to lay my head at night and I just couldn't ask for more! I'm so blessed! Thank you Lord for this wonderful man and my pretty easy life!

I almost felt guilty tonight as I was thinking about how relatively easy my life has been lately.

And to be honest, it's got me a little nervous, like I'm kind of waiting for something to show up at my door and go "oh no," but I just have to keep thinking positively and keep counting my blessings--even during hard times, blessings still remain.

Anyway, as I was saying.....I was thinking about how relatively easy (comparitively speaking to my life 10, 20 years ago, or others' lives around me) my life is now and I started to feel a little guilty. Then I thought, "nope, I've earned this." I've had the "hard" for long enough; I've had the pain, the crap, the not so easy--and I probably will again, life is never EASY. I still have struggles and still face battles and you know, it's never all figured out--how boring would it be if it were...gosh. But, I believe that in one's life there are easier times and there are harder times. Some times are easier than others.....

This is an easier, happier, simpler time for me right now.

I think I've drawn the happiness into my life by being incredibly grateful for every aspect of it.

I've forgiven a lot, let go of a lot, and turned to gratitude--I think gratitude makes for a happy life. At least for contentment.

Love, health and all of those, yes, they're important, but I think it all starts with gratitude.

Being truly, sincerely grateful for everything and everyone in your life; good, bad or indifferent--that's so vital.

It's all here to teach us something, if we're willing to just hush up and listen, we'll always learn something. I really believe that.

So although I say it every day, I mean it every day. My life is beyond amazing!

My life is the way it is because of God, and because I've helped create what it's turned out to be. Sure, it's nothing like I thought would be. I never expected to be this serious with such a great man at my age, I never thought I'd be still be living at home at this age. (I thought I'd be in Nashville, on my way to stardom in the music business.) I never thought I'd be considering marriage and children at this age (well, not this year or next, but before I turn 30 for sure). But somehow...

God knew the plan and He had such a better one in mind.

I'm glad He saw Colin as part of my plan, I really am. Regardless of what happens with us, for this moemnt, for this time, I couldn't have asked for a better plan. I knew Colin was out there, well not him personally, of course, but someone like him. Someone who would love me and accept me and want to be with me. I really did know that, and I believed it. I knew it would be on God's time, and for once, God didn't take too long! LOL!

"...It's all part of a grander plan, that is coming true. Every long lost dream lead me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern Stars. Pointing me on my way, into your lovin' arms. This much I know is true, that God Blessed the broken road that led me straight to you."

That's from a song by Rascal Flatts called "Bless the Broken Road." It's one of the few country songs Colin likes! Yay! It's so appropiate too! It's not that I've got a long list of exes before him (rather it's a very short list), or that my hearts been broken by past loves too many times. (Sure, a few, but whatever). But, my point is....my life in general, leading up to Colin, was very intense and difficult and not at all 'normal.' So many times, Colin will talk about his life and I haven't done half of he has. That's okay, though, I can live vicarisely through him! But, a lot of what he's done I haven't simply because I was either in a hospital or too un-healthy in general to do things. I've not had a normal life. No one does, really, I mean, what is normal, right? But, my point is....

This....Colin.... my life with him, is my chance to be 'normal,' to do normal things. To live as a 23 year old and just be. And I LOVE that.

I wouldn't trade a moment of my life for anything, I honestly wouldn't. I have very few, if any, regrets.

But, I do know Colin was part of my life's plan and God DID bless my broken road to him...and I
I love the way my life has worked out!!! It's not just because of Colin, my life has worked out in many ways; before him, and beyond him, but, I just love the way it is with him in it--it's so much fuller!

Sure, I want more out of life and I still have dreams and aspirations. I was never the one to meld into my man, whomever he may be. I'm my own person, with my own goals and dreams and my own plan(s). But at the moment, I'm extremely content with my life! It's just pretty awesome!

So, if Colin is intense, good. Reading back through this entry has taught me that I'm intense too. We're both passionte and intense people, we totally deserve each other! In all honesty, I am intense; in my zest and gratitude for life. And I'm very intense with my love for all of the poeple in my life!

Lord, please keep my blessings abundant, for myself and my loved ones!

It's time for bed! Nighty night!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz:)