I'm a W-O-M-A-N; ready to be married, Colin, my dad, my mom, & Miralces Everywhere!

This is my 333rd Post....two weeks away from the start of my HONEYMOON! :)

I am totally rockin' right now! To Miss Wyonna Judd's new CD "Sing!" Oh it's FABULOUS! This woman can no doubt SING, better than anyone I know of and just gets better with time! My favorite song on the entire CD is "I'm A Woman." The CD is actually a re-make of a bunch of classic songs from ALL genre's....my other favorites include "That's How Rythm Was Born" and "When I Fall In Love." The latter of which I'll be dancing to at my wedding in less than to two weeks! Wynonna also does a great version of "Are the Good Times Really Over" (originally by Merle Haggard) and "I'm So Lonsome I Could Cry," (Hank Williams Sr., duh!). The best thing about this record is that Miss Wy puts her OWN spin on these songs, and makes them seem her own, re-creating in them in a way that pay homage to their brilliant originality, yet stamped with her own sassy signature!

So, two weeks from today I'll be on my honeymoon! I'm so excited! Last night Colin and I talked about some stuff and had a very nice conversation. In fact, we adverted a fight, instead, we talked it out like adutls--it was great; proving once again that we are indeed ready for marriage! It's funny I'm not really nervous at all...perhaps I will be on that day, but I really thnk I'm done freaking out over the whole thing. Yes, I take it very seriously, yes I know a marriage is about so much more than the table cloths and cake and GORGEOUS gown I'll be wearing that day; but you know what....Colin and I have been through so much and fought through so much and fought FOR so much...that in my heart, I honestly think we'll make it. Sure, it'll be difficult at times, it IS a marriage...and I don't take it lightly, but also, it's not THE biggest deal anymore because a.) I found HIM...b.) He found ME...c.) we've MUTUALLY AGREED to marry one another and......d.) everything is in place as much as it can be! So, really, I think the hardest work of the wedding aspect is kind of...over. The biggest sentece I've heard in the last week from ALL of our family and friends is "don't worry about it," and you know what, I'm not! I'm just not. I plan on enjoying this wedding day of ours to the fullest! I plan on remembering it, being present for it and hopefully, being pretty darn calm for it too! I'm sure I'll be a BIT nervous on the actual day, and I did get A TINY BIT nervous yesterday...but, after our conversation last night, nope, no more nervousnes. It's because I'm ready. I've planned, I've talked, I'm fought, I've been over and back and forth and out and over and wow...it's finally here...I'm on the heels of the my wedding and it's a complete MIRACLE! I'm ALIVE to do this, I'm NOT in a hospital....my wedding/marriage are NOT taking place in hospital...COLIN is ALIVE and NOT in a hospital...we will BOTH WALK down that aisle....our very divorced parents have come together for us beautifully, as has the rest of our entire entoreuge! All of it, truly, a miracle!

I'm SO beyond excited and blissful! The rentals are ordered, the food is in place (still has to be ordered though), my accesssories are purchased, the tux is rented, mom's, dad's, grandma's and grandpa's ALL have their suits and dresses! (Thank God! Whew!). Bridesmaids dresses are here, flower girl too! Flowers are ordered, cake is picked out, delicious, and has the right color green frosting! (Thank you, Kylie). The vases will be picked up at Michael's when my beautiful sister, Kelsey, arrives next week! (Can't wait to see her, and everyone else too!). It's all come together rather beautifully! There's still a few key items, of course...stuff we can't do/take care of 'till we're actually there. But, still...it's pretty much all done and I'm SO relieved. We have to pick the music, put it on the I-Pod, Pack up our cars, pack for our HONEYMOON and take off!!! Oh, and I actually found lingere to FIT ME for the honeymoon! Yay! I'm so excited because, well, most 10--12 year olds don't wear lingerie (at least I hope not) and that's about the size I am, so to find stuff that ACTUALLY fit me was ANOTHER miracle! I'm tellin' you, folks, miracles all around here lately! Truly!

Yes, I know the world is crazy. Colin's work place is nuts too! The econmy is bad. The Stimulus package may backfire on us. There's war and hunger and starvation and sickness. I get it. But you know what, this is OUR MOMENT! And you know what else, we've freakin' EARNED it!

Colin and I BOTH, have EARNED this moment together! Indivisually and together as a couple! We've battled it out and tested one another's strength, we've come together and grown closer and closer. And I look forward to growing closer and closer as the years FLY by---which I'm sure they will!

I'm just one happy girl, that's all I can say! I'm just tremendously, blissfully HAPPY! Life is truly grand! At least for the moment! :) God has smiled on us and I thank Him from the bottom of my heart for it!

Another miracle in my life right now is the relationship I now share with BOTH of my parents.

Now, without going into detail because--he'll say she was the reason, she'll say no comment, and truthfully, I couldn't care less....if we had always been this close I wouldn't appreciate the closeness we share today! Everything happens for a reason, and everything has a time and a season. Except now, my dad are season less...and that's a good thing. We talk now--all the time. We converse and laugh and bounce things off one another. And it is SO cool! I am closer with my dad, Joe, than I ever thought I'd be. My dad and my mom divorced when I was three and he and I talked throughout the years and saw one another when we could. But I never thought we'd have the relationship we share today. It is honestly one of the very best parts of my life now! It is something I can count on and believe in. And it's something that I take great pride in and am fiercely protective of. I would never want to come between him and his other family; my beloved sisters. After all, he is also dad to three other beautiful young women--and a husband to a wife of his own. And I will never forget that or stand in its way. But it's a lovely thing when there's room, and time, for it all! I love talking with my dad, adult to adult, dad to daughter---person to person. And I cannot wait to see him in just under two weeks!

I cannot wait for him to meet the man I'm going to marry.

And for him, and my mother, to walk me down the aisle together; BOTH of my parents, at the very same time, giving me away to the love of my life (Colin)! I'm beyond humbled, blessed and grateful for that. It took a lot for my parents to agree to this, and I appreciate it more than either one of them will ever know!

And, on the eve of my wedding/marriage, I now consider one my dad one of my very good friends. He's a confidant, a person I can count on, and someone who makes me laugh! I've always loved him, and always will, but, to truly know, hear and see (although I've always known deep down) how much he loves me and how proud of me he is. (Actually it started right around the time I met Colin...and the night before Colin actually proposed to me, my dad and I started getting closer and closer. Well, actually, it started about 4 years ago in 2005 whenI took a trip up there...my 3,000 mile road trip from here to Oregon. But, anyway...we're closer than ever now! My dad and I. And yes, I know, he's always loved me--always. And he's always been proud of me. But I think there was this distance between us, and I can't say why. Maybe it was my mom, maybe it was my step-dad, Jim, who was around for a while. Maybe my dad (Joe) was just busy raising his other daughters. Maybe we were both too immature and stubborn to put aside our differences and let bygones be bygones. Maybe we were punishing one another for stuff my mom supposedly did or didn't do. Maybe we were just scared. I don't know, and I don't care. And to share the beautiful relationship we have today--it is no doubt another miracle in my life and I'm grateful for it everyday! My dad's un-waivering encouragement and support of me, Colin, and our wedding/marriage is PHENOMENOL! His contributions to this wedding, in every way possible, make me cry tears of joy and all of it, and him, have only added to the specialness and the beauty that is this wedding--and is my life! So, thanks, dad, thank you so very much--for everything, I love you so very much, more than you will ever know!

And my mom. My beautiful, strong, wonderful mother! Okay, let's be honest. We've been up and down. The journey to my wedding with my mom hasn't been as smooth with her as it has been with my dad. I think it's 'cause she actually raised me day-to-day and we've always been incredibly close. Seriously, my mom and I have fought MORE during the course of planning this wedding than we EVER have, and quite frankly, more than I ever care to again. I'm sure it's not easy for her; her only child, her baby, her little girl...getting married. How very bittersweet! But something miraculous happened the other day....we went out for the WHOLE day, we went shopping, we had lunch, we talked. And we laughed. And we cried tears of joy with each other! And we did not have one SINGLE word of disagreement or discontentment. I think it's because she finally realized that this IS happening, I AM a woman now and I'm ready. She's only had my best interest at heart, that I absolutely realize. And I'm sure it's hard for parents to watch their children make their own choices. But, to be in the car with my mother last Friday hearing her tell me stories of how sick I used to be and close I came (many times) to not even being here today. It made me question why I ever yelled at her in the first place--EVER! Okay, I know why...like me, she can be stubborn and anal and ugh....but.....she's my mom, and she's the only one I've got. And I wouldn't trade her for the world. And regardless of past feelings or hurt outs...mother/daughter relationships, are endlessly complicated-unlike any other relationship in life--not even marriage. Regardless of whatever arguements her and I have had in the last year or so....or ever....I am still proud to be her daughter. I am still proud to call her mom. And I'm blessed--and a big reason why is becuase of her. So, thanks, mom, for it all. I love you too!

I've been meaning to write this entry for a while now. But I got stuck in the hospital last week. Very unexpectedly, and I'm totally fine now! Thank God! I'm happy to report that my sweetheart of a fiancee' sat vigil by my bedside for three straight days, only going home ONCE to take a shower! He bought me a little love angel and helped keep me calm during the night when they kept disturbing my sleep for blood draws. HE is my Angel. And that incident, although totally unexpected, taught us both a big lesson. It taught him what he's really in for; yeah, like, in case he didn't know before. (haha, sort of). And it proved to my mother that he can and does in fact, take very good care of me. He's a good man, my Colin, and I'm lucky. There's not a lot of those out there, I got mine and yes, it's a miracle! In the hospital, Colin said it was like a mini-vacation and I said "yeah, it is, kind of...no bills, no housework, no errands, no work, no worries..just get better..., but still, this isn't the vacation I like. And I've had enough of these 'vacations,' I'm ready for a real one...like our honeymoon!" And then he smiled. It was great! It was our first experience of my being IN the hospital, and it probably won't be our last. But, it wasn't so bad, it's better when you love is by your side!

On Friday, in the car....my mom was explaining to me how she used to change me trachea. She let me pick out the matching shoelaces to go with my outfits...not the shoelaces in my shoes but the shoelaces to hold my trachea to my neck. She told me about changing my feeding tube, and how I scared the crap out of her each and every time I "popped off," of my oxygen I was supposed to have on 24/7. She told me about how once she had to give me an IV, at home, herself, in my foot. She told me about how many Rx's I used to be on and how it took three hours to get me out of the house to go somewhere. And how she used to go to work (part-time) just to relax. (Doesn't every mother, though?) But that often, she'd only make it a few hours into her shift before something would go wrong with me and she'd have to come home. And as she told me this stuff, I cried. I cried for her, I cried for me. It's like that's another person, another part of my life that is so far removed from the one that I live today. (And thank the Lord for that!)But, when I hear that stuff about me, when I hear those stories...it makes me appreciate life so much more! As if I didn't appreciate it enough already. And it makes me respect my mother more than she will EVER know. I would be dead if I had had any mother but her. And I know it. I'm here because of her and God and my grandma and my dad and so many others--it's unbelievable. And I'm here and happy today, because of Colin. And my best girlfriends and my sisters! So, regardless of how many times my mother and I may disagree with one another, or not 'approve' of one another's choices (she had NO problem with Colin, by the way--loves him dearly and totally approves of THAT choice).....we're mother and daughter and the day she's not around to argue with, I'll miss her completely!

So, as always, I'm blessed. I'm just one ridiculously, tremendously, beyond deserved, blessed young woman! Thank you to EVERYBODY who has brought me to this day. Anyone who has lead me here, and kept me here, and stood by me and listened to me and talked with me and held my hand and wiped my (good or bad) tears. THANK YOU!

Tessa and Claudia, imparticular too! You two are sincerely the VERY BEST girlfriend's a girl could EVER ask for! Seriously, ladies, most people only have one one best friend--and I have THREE! (Including my Colin, of course!) But, as for truly miraculous women--I could not have created better girlfriends! I could not have picked two better women to be the my maid of honor and bridesmaid(s)! (Tessa, MOH) Your love and support and loyalty and endless listening....your making my garter, putting together the emergency kit--that in the words of Miss Tessa says "barring natural disaster or an act of God, I've got it covered" For the book and the encouragement. For answering the phone in the middle of the night (literally) and at 6am too! (I'm pretty cool, but it ain't easy being my friend! I ask a lot, and they never fail to deliver, God Bless them both!) For being magnificent, strong, amazing women who I am so honored to know and call my very best friends! THANK YOU! I could not and would not, want to do this, or share this, with anyone else! (And by 'this,' I mean life and wedding planning!) I love you laides!

It is because of everyone I've just mentioned thatI am ready to be married! I am ready to be a married woman because of the love and support and endless miralces in my life! Because of the friendships and my parents, all of them, and of course, mainly because of the fantastic man I've found! I am ready. I am excited to be a wife, but not just anyone's wife, I'm excited to be Colin's wife. Because for all of our mutual stuff,I just know we'll make it. God put us together and as long as we do our part, God will keep us together!

And so please, God, no rain on our wedding day...please, incredibly safe travels for everyone, us included and a wedding day that truly reflects the love and the miracles that so abundantly fill our life! Thank You, Lord, for it all!

God Bless Us Everyone!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)