I am such a sap for weddings...

The other night while watching my favorite TV show 'Grey's Anatomy,' I was bawling like a baby. I don't love admitting this, but I thought it was a real moment in my life and felt compelled to share it.

'Grey's Anatomy' is my favorite TV show on TV today, not of all time. But I do watch it faithfully, each and every week. I think in a way, it's healing. It reminds me of how life was in the hospital, and it makes me grateful I'm no longer in one. Because, geeze, if that's how things really go in a hospital (everyone shacking up with everyone else) no WONDER I experienced a couple of botched procedures. But, anyway....

The two main characters in the show, Meredith Grey and Derek Sheppard, were supposed to be getting married. Now, I've always been a HUGE sap for weddings. Whether real or fake. When Jesse and Rebecca got married married on 'Full House' I cried for days. I'm really not proud of that, but yesterday, I said my goal was to be a more honest writer, so there you go! In real life, I've been a flower girl twice, a bridesmaid twice and a maid of honor once. And of course, I've also been a Bride! So much fun! And at my own wedding, I didn't cry too terribly much. I teared up, I got misty-eyed, mostly when my husband read his hand-written vows to me. Oh, Lord, it was all I could do not to lose it completely. But, I had an audience, it was my (ahem, OUR) show...no blubbering bride for my guests! When I watch our wedding video, though, oh my gosh, I cry and cry and cry. Good tears, happy tears, and most of all, THANKFUL tears! But, anyway...

I was crying because it was Izzy and Alex who got married, instead of Meredith and Derek. At the last minute, Meredith handed her wedding dress to Izzy and Alex showed up all dressed up in his tux (and looking pretty good!). I cried because for so much of my younger life, we didn't know if I would make it to my own wedding day. And even in the weeks leading up to it, I was incredibly afraid of not making it to the altar simply because I would be stuck in a hospital. And that once again, my body would turn on me. About a month before the wedding, I DID wind up in the hospital for a few days, and all I kept saying was "I've got to get out of here, do whatever you have to, I've got a wedding to go, and it's my own! So, seriously, let's get moving, I've got to get home and finish planning this thing!" And as I stood in the bathroom a few minutes before my wedding ceremony, that thought did cross my mind. I was actually there; in a wedding gown and a veil, getting ready to walk down the aisle and marry my Colin. I was a Bride, a walking/talking/healthy/functioning BRIDE! And it felt better than I could even begin to explain! But, that is the moment I also kept thinking about while watching 'Grey's' the other night. I bawled like a baby, at a fake wedding, with fake characters on a TV show. Admittedly, it was also my own real-life two month wedding annviersary and my husband was sitting next to me being all quiet and polite by not laughing at me. His not laughing at me didn't last long, but then again, I'm a typical girl--I cry easily. And I'm a sap. Even for stuff on TV.

Anyway, when Alex was reciting his vows to Izzy, on the show, he was saying how "today (he becomes) a man, today (be becomes) accountable to someone other than himself...." And I said "yeah, that's so true." Then Alex goes on to say that he's ready and willing and able to handle whatever may come their way. That he is prepared for whatever is ahead. And again, that he's now accountable to her and only her. And my husband goes "more than you know, buddy!" And I started laughing because it's very unlike him to downplay marriage. Shuit, he was the one that wanted it in the first place. I did too, after a while, but my man had marriage on his mind worse than a woman when we met! I'm so glad I followed suit and did it, but still. We were very reversed in that aspect of our relationship. Anyway, so Colin (my husband) goes on to say that this guy "whatever his name is" has "no clue" what he's saying and that it's easy to say that on that day, but "try it in two months." To which I added "or in x amount of years." And I laughed again. And I shed a few more tears. And then I got quiet. And I flat out asked my husband if he would marry me again. He was smart enough to say yes, and I truthfully believe him. But instead of making me wonder and making me feel insecure, it actually brought us closer together. Because he admitted that this is hard sometimes. That you don't know what's in store for you get married. And that it is easy to say those things on that day glorified and beautiful day! And he's absolutely right. All of that is absolutely true. But it is also that right there which makes marriage so inherently beautiful and life-changing in a good way! Marriage, like life, is meant to be a gamble. It's meant to keep you guessing, meant to be ever-changing. And it's meant to make you grow. If it was easy, everyone would do it (marriage) and no one would ever die (life). It's comforting to me that my husband shares some of my personal thoughts, without even comiserating on it, it's nice to know we share the same beliefs about marriage on certain days. And let's face it, we went through a REALLY rough time a few weeks ago. Something that tested not only our marriage, but our faith, our strength and ourselves in general. Please dont' think that because we've only been married for two months we've not experienced real stuff. Because we have. We always have. From day one, Colin and I experienced real stuff. And honest stuff, and life's messy stuff. And I'm happy that we've been together almost two and a half years now. It's a total testament to who we both are!

But, after my husband saying all this during the end of 'Grey's Anatomy,' it made me tear up more. Not less. I teared up more because I was reminded of my own wedding day, and ceremony. The most special part of the day. I teared up more because I realized, once again, that that could've been my fate. A wedding ceremony in which right afterwards, I had to return to a hospital bed. I teared up because I felt lucky, and happy, and blessed. And I teared up because I found my 'Alex,' too. A flawed man with plenty of interesting complexes to boot, but who, at the end of the day--is there for me like there's no tomorrow. Who loves me, and works hard to provide for me. And who has sat by my hospital bed twice now.

Yes, I'm a very blessed woman. And a sappy one too, I always will be!

In Light N' Joyous Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

P.S. Colin's best friend is getting married next month, I get to see my husband in a tux since he's a groomsman, and I get to dance with him too! Although, I think I'd better stuff a tissue box into my purse, because it's the first real wedding I'll attend having had one of my own. I can only imagine the tears I'll shed that day! I'm looking forward to it very much! -SL :)