I'm A Dork...

Confession time: you all know I have a pretty high level of confidance. Sometimes, I'm even full of myself. Sure, I gladly, and often, give credit where credit is due. We all know I wouldn't be who I am, or how I am, without my faith in God, family and friends. They support and sustain me--all of them--especially God. But I got to thinking that while I give good advice and I'm compassionate and all that--being a Christian also means being HUMBLE. Sometimes, I forget that. So today, I'm going to let you in a little secret.

About half of the time, despite my coming off as totally confidant and outgoing--most days, I think I'm a big dork! I really do! I'm pretty and all, but in some pictures, and some areas of my life, I really am a dork! I'm tiny and tone quiet (voice wise), my purse/shoes rarely (if ever) match, sometimes I have a speech impediment, I'm clumsy, prone to overly repeating myself and extremely forgetful. See, I'm a dork! Yes, I'm tremendously wise and w/ a bit of make up and time to do my hair I can be gorgeous, but most days, I'm a dork.

I have insecurities just like everyone else. Some days, my tiny size bothers me. Other days, it's my voice. I'm pretty much constantly trying to battle one or both. Sure, my tiny stature makes me "cute," (or so I'm told) and my voice makes me "unique" (again, I'm told!)--and most days, I can agree with that--but sometimes, I can't and don't, agree with that at ALL!

My acne (when it flares up) REALLY bothers me and sometimes I feel like ALL people see when they look at me are the zits on my face. (Who has acne and doesn't feel that way?) Luckily, my acne only flares up a few times a month now (can you guess when?) so that's good! I thank God for that EVERY SINGLE DAY! But, even without acne, I have scars--lots of scars. Again, luckily my clothes cover most of them--but in a bathing suit--especially a bikini--they're pretty much all visible. My scars on my head (my only real life @ home legitimate childhood accident scar), my throat and my left wrist--all visible, all the time! Most days, they don't bother me and I don't even notice them. Sometimes, though, they do!

Also, I can get insecure about the way I speak. That speech impediment makes me have to THINK about how I say my "R's" and/or not cutting off my sentences. See--yeah, I can get real insecure about that. Because I'm a dork!

My smile is sometimes dorky too--sure, that's endearing, and overall, I think I have a beautiful smile. But, sometimes, it's totally dorky!

Oh, and I also drop things a lot. I get the dropsies, at least once a week--because I'm a dork!

So, you see, even though I come off as this totally confidant (and usually "together" as I'm told) woman....I can be just as insecure and unsure of myself as anyone else. We ALL have these insecurities, these little negative images of ourselves. And for some of us, fighting them is a constant battle. Fortunately, I was raised by a loving team of parents who made sure that my GOOD points, my smartness, my beauty, my courage and strength--would speak LOUDER! I was given (and still am) a vast support system of loving friends who encourage me and remind me how great I really am. Because we all need that. We all deserve that. Who doesn't think they're a big dork sometimes? The one thing I've NEVER thought though--ever, not once--I've NEVER thought I was dumb. I may be a lot of things, and there's even more things I don't know and do not excel at--but dumb, I am not. Okay, I may not always make the wisest choices (despite my own giving of wise advice), I mess up, I make mistakes. Just like everyone else. I'm far from perfect. But, I am not dumb. I am so lucky that I have never thought that. Am I mathematically challanged when you start talking algebra? Yes! Am I technologically challenged beyond what it takes to check my email, write these blog entries and read other blogs? Sometimes, yes! Do I know a THING about tennis in real life when I'm not playing it on the Wii? Yes! So I absolutely do not know it all. I'm smart enough to know that the more you know, the most you don't know--that is so very true! But I'm not dumb, I'm just a dork--but who isn't on some level?!

I just wanted to share this because I want to remain humble. I can admit my strengths, but I can also admit my weaknesses. I can also admit when I do NOT know something, am not familiar with that, and/or have my down days. I can admit when I'm not doing good, when I'm not ROCKIN' in life and when I feel insecure! I know that God made me just the way He wanted me and our insecurities should never speak louder than our securities, but they are there to keep us humble--and I am!

I'm especially humbly grateful for all the people in my life (every single one of them) who look past my insecurities, who accept my faults and flaws, and who keep me secure in the knowledge that although I'm far from perfect--I am loved anyway! And everyone should be--loved anyway!

Because us dorks are all in this together!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)