4 Months from Today....I'll be 25!!!

4 Months from Today....

Four Months from today I will be 25!!! A whole quauter of a century! Can you believe it?! It's craziness! I mean, really, I swear, yesterday, I was about 7 years olds in my parents' backyard dreaming of country music stardom! So that didn't pan out so well, but I wouldn't trade the way my life has gone for anything in the world!

So a lot of fun stuff is happening to me lately; looking for more part-time, going to school after all and of course, my wedding in March! I honestly have a hard time believing that I'm almost 25! It'll be a BIG year for me; I'll be working, (as I should be), continue working on my degree, possibly purchase (or maybe just co-purchase in my dreams) a home with Colin AND of course, the biggest event that'll happen when I'm 25, GETTING MARRIED!!!

It' so exciting and so overwhelming and so, well, WIERD! It is. I'm sorry, that's not to sound mean or ungrateful, but the fact that, I, Sarah Liz, am going to be turning 25 and getting married! Man! It's amazing and wonderful and how the heck it all happened so fast, I have NO idea! Everyone was so right when they said that once you turn 21 it just FLIES BY! Boy that is SOOOOOOOO very, very true! I'm into a great song by Pam Tillis (country singer, of course) lately, it's called "Which Five Years," and it's about getting older and making peace with it! It's about realizing that everything and everyone ultimately has a hand in making you who you are! About realizing that feeling "younger," isn't everything it's cracked up to be, and in order to be younger, we'd have to trade our experiences, our loves, our friends. And who wants to do that? I certainly don't! Sure, there are ages I'd rather not do again, (thank God we don't have to rewind in life), but then, every age has its ups & downs, struggles and successes. At least it has for me, and I have no doubt it will continue to. I don't think life is easy at any age. I do think that with age, you get smarter and wiser (hopefully) and more aware of who YOU are! As for me, the older I get, the most I WANT out of life, but the more CONTENT I am with exactly who/what I have. I seem to be making more peace with myself, and the world around me, including my loved ones! I sure as heck would NEVER been a teenager again, or even 10, 11 or 12...but still, I learned something at each of those ages, so no, I wouldn't trade them! But getting older is weird. I guess I've never really felt my age. And I guess I still don't. In many ways, I feel about 6 years old still, other times, I feel about 18, and other days, I feel about 40! Seriously, it ranges! I don't necessarily feel "24," or "25" I've tried to stop comparing myself to others my age because it's no use. Some are farther than I am, sure, but in some ways, my Lord, I'm much farther along in life than a lot of 25 year olds. And I KNOW what I WANT. For the most part. I think I've figured things out this year that most people don't get 'till they're about 40 or 50. And that's fine. And there's certainly plenty that I DON'T get, don't know and am completely and totally unaware of and perhaps even, knieve about! And that's okay too! No one has to know it all, no one should, and no one does; no matter how confidant they may seem! Anyway, this Pam Tillis song 'Which Five Years,' talks about making peace with each phase of life and each lesson learned because of it. It's a fantastic song, beautiful melody and well written. One of the lines is "the stack of 25," and now, in four months, I'll have ONE stack. Granted, only ONE stack of 25, but still, I'm certainly not 20 anymore. And I don't care to be either! I think life gets better! At least it does for me, but I think I make it that way too! A lot of days I feel like a scared little girl, to be honest with you, and no where NEAR 25, but other days, I feel like "25, that's IT!? Are you KIDDING ME, I'm not 50 by now!" I've lived a lot of life for my age, and the best part is, I still have a lot, a ton even, left to live! At 24, suddenly, and I'm not sure why, but everyone is younger than you! Seriously, my girlfriends and I have been discussing this and when you turn 24, suddenly everyone ELSE is younger than you. It's really wierd. But, anyway, so in four months, I'll be turning 25. Wow!

25 is NOT old...and old, I believe, IS a state of mind! But, 25 IS a threshold. It's a QUATER of a CENTURY! The following ALL happens once you turn 25: you can rent a car alone, go on a cruise alone, car insurance goes down, another age bracket (you know, 18-24; 25-?). And getting married--for me! That's ALOT to happen at ONE age!

It's not BOTHERING me, per' say, and I'm GLAD & GRATEFUL I GET to turn 25, certainly, a lot of people don't, and when I was born, wow, no one thought I would (turn 25 that is). Shoot, I wasn't expected to make it to 5 years old, let alone 25, 5 TIMES that expectation. But I'm SO glad I have! Well, I'm not there YET. And I'm in NO RUSH. 24 has been good to me; I've grown up A LOT. I feel like I've finally become a WOMAN! Like I've grown INTO myself and truly love & accept myself now (or as much as I can for 24 years). I've gotten more confidant, more adventerous, and a lot less judgemental. This year has been one of the very best and most difficult, of my life.

And it's not over yet, thank God! I can't wait for the next four months and I'm so excited and all be it, a bit nervous, to find out what they'll bring!
But, so far, at the end of this year, at age 24, I will have: battled serious depression, battled incredible financial woes, the ups & downs of being engaged, planned a wedding (still doing so, btw), gone back to school, trained for a new job, picked a career field, gotten a new job, and watched parts of my family seemingly crumble around me while gaining more faith, strength and confidance! :)

At 23, I moved out of my mothers' house & got engaged, so those were my BIG events LAST year!

It is true what they say though, each & every year in your 20s is a year of discovery and lessons; learning who you are, what you are, and this year, what I'm not and don't want to be! Thank you very much! I know I stopped judging so much this year, that's for darn sure, and that, I am proud of! I honestly don't care how others live their lives now; whatever, who am I to judge? That's God's job, not mine. As long as someone isn't directly hurting me, my family/friends or ANY child(ren), than WHATEVER...do what you want, when you want and how you want. I really don't care. You and you alone are the only person responsible for yourself. And when we all get to our Maker, we'll each be indivisually responsible for ourselves. I don't have to anwer for you or your choices; only mine. And trust me, I have a lot to answer for, we ALL do, no matter how hard we try to live 'right,' we'll all have stuff to answer for!

Not judging others so quickly and often sure frees up a lot of time, energy & space! Live & Let Live, I say!

My other lessons from this year, so far, at 24, have been: nothing is ever what it seems, the only two people who really and truly know what goes on in a relationship are the two people in it, life is never perfect--but it is so worth it; also, life is rarely ever easy, but some times are easier than others, so learn to enjoy those times and cherrish them. That old saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," so very, very true! Oh and "if you want something bad enough, you'll work for it (or at it).," also so very, very true!

I've also learned that while family IS truly everything, you need to forge your own identity too, and it's totally okay and good to NOT be your parents in some respects! And I've learned that Christmas GIFTS, are indeed for little kids. Christmas itself, NO, always for people of ALL ages, if celebrated for its true purpose and in the propper spirit of it, but the gifts & candy and that kind of stuff, yeah, totally for kids! So, that's what I've learned so far this year! And I'm sure I'll learn much more in the next four months!
This has definately been one of the most exciting/boring and life-changing years of my life!

It's been a year of contrasts; a year of walking contradictions. It's been a year of dreams come! Accepting reality and letting things go!

It's been FUN and exhilirating and exhausting! Wonderful and amazing and miraculous!

It's definately been a year I'll never forget! And it's only 3/4 of the way through! So God only know what'll happen next! And you know what, I like it that way!

I now understand that life rarely works out the way you plan it! But it's often better than you ever thought it would be! I also understand that I have to do my part too, and God will indeed, take care of the rest! I always knew that, really, I did, but now I'm actually LIVING it! Knowing & DOING are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS! Another lesson learned this year!
Anyway, I've also been focusing on my home! It's all clean and organized now! I actually KNOW where stuff IS! And I know what I have! WHAT a concept! And what a fantastic feeling! Oh, I can't even tell you how awesome that feels! I know what I need and what I don't, and now have a running and sufficient list! I have a place for everything and everything in its place! And oh good Lord did I PURGE STUFF the other day! Wow! No, I did NOT throw up (couldn't if I tried, which I don't ever try), but I DID THROW OUT A LOT OF CRAP I no longer needed, used or liked! Again, wow, what a feeling! A fantastic feeling! 4 BIG BOXES and 5 LARGE TRASH BAGS of CRAP! Amazing! Truth be told, I could still go through some papework in my dining room, but that pile too, has depleted itself to almost nothing! I totally ROCK! I really do! And damn it, my mother was right; a cleaner, more organized house where you KNOW what you have and where it is; it DOES make life better! I hate it when she's right, and you know, she seems to be more right the older I get! SOMETIMES! And then you know what else I've discovered this year; sometimes, occassionally, I am right! Who knew?!

I know what I know, but I'll always be the very first to admit that there's plenty, and I do mean PLENTY that I DON'T know and I certainly have a lot left to learn! That's what makes life fun & interesting!

Our greatest LESSONS do not happen in a classroom; although I am VERY excited (and nervous) about going back to school! A year and a half and I'll have my Associate of Liberal Arts Degree! Yay! I'm also going to start on a Paralegal Degree, GO ME!

Anyway, I'm certainly not ALWAYS right, and often times, I'd rather be HAPPY than RIGHT...but my happiness is MINE to make, no one else's, and I know that too!

Sure, others can INFLUENCE our happiness; they can temporarily hinder it or increase it, they can add to it and enhance it, sure, but at the end of the day, it's completely and totally up to us!!! That's kind of a nice and comforting feeling, though, I think! :)

So I've listened to Country Music for 20 years this year and I'm respecting it more & more! I'm finding myself returning to my older music and listening to OLD CD's or tapes again and again! It's fun! It's a lot of fun! It's fun to look back, reminice and re-live some things, and it's also fun & enlightening to realize that now I'm not just listening to these songs, but I'm truly LIVING them! Not just making innnocent memories to them, but LIVING them! And that's why I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC! I think, for me, more than any other music I've found, country music is REAL, HONEST and so (sometimes scarily) TRUE TO LIFE! That's why it moves me, grooves me and has had a hand in shaping who I am! And I'm proud of that! It all started with The Judds, and then of course, Billy Dean! And then Trisha Yearwood! And although I LOVE ALL MUSIC NOW (except of course for rap & metal--I RESPECT it for its art & craft & the talent it takes to produce it, yes, but a FAN of it, not so much).....I still, to this day, return to The Judds/Wynonna & Billy...no matter what I'm experiencing or where I'm experiecning it, to this day, Billy & Wy are my stand-by's, and my first true musical loves! It's great getting re-acquainted with them!
So, I've written about a lot of stuff tonight, and I wanted to! But now, I'm more interested in closing this entry, holding hands with Colin, relaxing and perhaps, eating some popcorn because it sounds rather enticing and appetizing right now! :) Yeah, I think I'll go make some popcorn!
Thanks for listening to my ramble, I've been meaning to write this for a few days now, just was too pre-occupied to do so. And with school AND work coming up (school starts on Monday), well, I doubt I'll have a lot of free time on my hands from now on. But I like it that way! And I'll manage my time well, I always do! And I do better with a set schedule anyway!
One more thing, it was really nice, but really wierd, to have absolutely NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING to do yesterday; (boredom is a matter of choice, not circumstance--one of my favorite quotes, and I sure wasn't bored yesterday, I just had nothing I HAD to do!) nothing to make, bake, take, cook, pick up, drop off, find, sort, organize, call, clean, fix and/or go through! It was a FIRST in YEARS. It was wonderfully wierd! Really, an odd feeling, but a great one!

Oh and earlier tonight I cleaned up & cleared out my email boxes too, I'm on a roll this weekend! I feel the need and have the strongest desire to clean up my life, get it organized and run it more efficiently, and I think that's cool! I love motivation, it's great!

Anyway, now it's seriously time for some yummy popcorn and my Colin! :) I think I'll make him make it, I've done enough lately!
Thank you, Lord, for a fabulous life, my numerous/endless blessings and the motivation, energy and gratitude to experience it all; in every aspect of it, no matter what!

My life is truly grand and it's all because of You! Please, continue to bless it, keep it comin' and let my own blessings extend to those who need them most! Oh and Lord, please help my sister, Kelsey, she needs You now, more than ever! And thanks for her, watch over her, and thanks for my other two beautiful, wonderful, funny sisters too! And Colin, and mom, and grandma and Tessa & Claudia! And Erica & Sarah! And my dad, and Nellie!

And no, folks, I'm NOT high, just extremely energized and excited! (I've been eating amazingly well lately and put not one bite of crap in my body and I can clearly feel the difference; I really don't need a lot, just to be able to eat the way I want/need to eat to make me feel this great! Please, Lord, let that happen too! The continuance of yummy, healthy, amazing food! Okay, really, though, thanks again for everything and goodnight!

Happy 3/4 Birthday to Me! Here's to the last 4 months of being 24!!! BRING IT ON!!! :)

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

P.S. Colin made the popcorn for us! Thank you, babe, he really is such a sweetheart! :) xoxoxo