Healing VS. Curing--Letting Everything Teach Me

I am reading a book on Mindfullness right now. It has 100 Tips for Mindful Living and better meditation sessions. I've been meditating daily--which I'm so proud of. Well, no, I can't say proud--because that would imply ego--I am calmer and happier because I have stuck to my daily sessions of meditation. I feel so much better for it. That does not, however, mean that my life is suddenly perfect or easy--in fact, sometimes, I find that when I meditate for days on end (or at least, several days in a row), the outer world gets on my nerves a little more. Anyway, but in reading this book I came to this passage that said "Healing is Not Curing" it talks about how curing the hurts in our life--our diseases, our pain--may not be possible, but HEALING them is.

"Healing is the ability to relate differently to illness, disability, even death [or other life changes], it is coming to terms with things [just] as they are" (Kabat-Zinn)

How amazing is that! Sincerely, there's not a lot that shuts me up in this life, that passage did. It makes so much sense to me because I think it's true. We can HEAL from things, it is rare that we forget them. When catrosphic events happen in our lives, we CAN move on--but forgetting them, or pretending like they never happened in the first place--that's not usually an option. It is for some who want to drown their pain in unhealthy ways (addiction, drugs, etc.), but it's never been an option for me.

I think that this passage made so much sense to me on a number of different levels; I adore children and perhaps one of the reasons I do is because my own childhood was --dare I say tainted--by illness. I had a fantastic childhood, I really did--my mother made it the best and more "normal" childhood possible. But, in reality, it was ravaged with illness. Surgeries, procedures, everyday colds and flus and so and so forth. So, in some ways, I did not get a "normal" childhood. Now, we could delve into the whole "what is normal?" conversation, but for the sake of this post, just go with me, please. I have many amazing children in my life and I love being around them--it is HEALING for me to be around kids because I get to re-live my own childhood--but without the illnesses that I had back then. I get to play again, and think again and re-new again. I get to see God in action, first hand, when I'm around children and that is indeed VERY healing. So, children are healing to me because when I'm with them, I get to RELATE DIFFERENTLY to my own childhood. And that is awesome!

I want to make it clear that I did NOT have an abusive childhood, I was not homeless or hungry or desolate. I was, however, always "the sick girl," or "the tiny girl," and that did impact the length and joy of my childhood. (Some days I feel like I never really got be a child--carefree and all that--and other days, I feel like I still am a child--dreaming, finding my way!)

Another thing mentioned in this book is ACCEPTANCE! I've been hearing a lot of lately, really since about January 17th, but I've heard it repeatedly--like God is wanting THAT to my lesson for this year. ACCEPTING what is, what WAS....just the way it is, and was--is vital to mindfulness and happiness. Being able to live IN the moment and just GO with it. Even if it's a difficult moment. Just go with it. Sure, at that moment today, I was feeling sad, irritated and depressed--but look at me, just a few hours later, I'm not. It's not that I'm CURED of my depression, or that it won't ever return--it's just that for a moment in time, I was able to HEAL from it. I knew that feeling, and those emotions, wouldn't last forever, so I purposely gave myself permission (which is HUGE for me!) to be depressed and feel however it is I felt at the moment. And I was feeling pretty blah and down and just kind of icky. IN fact, I've felt that way off and the past few days, one might say I've "battled" this depression. But, I didn't. For some reason, I didn't rally against it (the depression) I just felt it as it happened, let it wash over me and then focused my attention on the moment--how my food tasted, how my feet felt in my shoes, the actual imgages I was seeing on TV and so on.

It's hard to be depressed when you're truly focusing on the HERE and NOW. When you do that, it's not about THEN and WHEN or IF.....it's about NOW. THIS moment--and that is all.

If this is our last moment, why not experience it to the fullest? I don't think I'm anywhere near my "last moments," but I did notice that as soon as I stopped fighting my depression--as soon as I just accepted it, and went with it for a bit, I felt better.

I'm not saying I allowed myself to drown in it or focused on it 100%, I just didn't judge myself for feeling that way. Every emotion and each feeling is worthy. We might not like our emotions at any given moment, and our feelings may make us uncomfortable--we are even taught to STOP certain feelings, to RALLY against depression...when really, sometimes, it's okay. We are human beings and each experience can teach us something--if we let it. I have always said that and always believed it--now, I'm practicing what I preach. And it feels good, it feels really good.

Life isn't perfect, but it is worth it and if everything is your teacher and you are willing to go with it (unless you have an honest gut feeling not to, in which case that is your instinct directing you on the right path)--life can be beautiful and worthy, in spite of its imperfections.

I've wanted to write an entry all day, and now I know why I didn't sit down to write until just now. Earlier today, I was going to write about all of the conflicting messages we are given as children and even grow ups. We are told one thing one day and another the next. We are told we must balance it all and we can't be too selfish, but we can't give more we have. We have to stick to our guns, but be willing to bend. It's maddening, quite frankly. But, then I realized tonight that WE KNOW WHAT WE KNOW--and perhaps, everything we learn in life is something we already knew. We're just re-learning it. I don't know, but it's kind of making sense to me. What I mean is......with all the advice and books and things we're told to do and not do, say and not say, be and not be, at the end of the day--most of the time, if we really STOP, LOOK and LISTEN to our instincts, we KNOW the way for us. And every person has a different way. That's kind of why judging (which I'll admit I do WAY too much of--that's my next 'project' being less judgemental), is fruitless. Each person is on a different path and while I do believe certain things are right and certain things are wrong--the truth is--the only person that can know what is right or wrong for me, is me--and the same goes for other people too.

So, instead of that "why are we sent 100,000 different messages in this life?" entry, I am writing this one. I am not writing it to make myself look better or sound smarter. Perhaps I am growing in wisdom, but it's also because I'm actively seeking it, but that is neither here nor there. No, I am writing this entry because I feel compelled too. I feel better having written it and I am breathing deeper for it. And that is a very good sign, a very good sign indeed!

Thank You, Lord, for the lessons of today. I was able to HEAL today (even if I wasn't cured) and I will gladly accept healing any day!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)