My thoughts on Infertility

My favorite blogger, Alisa Bowman wrote a post about infertility today. You can find that post here.

I wrote a comment on the post and I felt compelled to share it with you, here it is:

While I go back and forth on whether or not I really want to have children, I can say that infertility is devastating. Even if it’s something you know about WAY ahead of time, it just goes against our nature.

We are made to create life–I’m not saying we HAVE to do that, or that our lives are completely meaningless if we don’t. In fact, I think a lot of people should NOT have (had) children. And I think the decision to remain child-free, for some couples, in more self-LESS, than selfish. I think if you and your partner KNOWS that you cannot handle parenthood, than it wouldn’t be fair to you, or the child, to do that.

HOWEVER, I think for MOST women, at SOME point in their lives–even if it’s just for a few days–WANT to create life and birth a child. I’m not saying women want to go through labor, but the desire and inclination to create a life and give birth to it is absolutely a part of our make-up. We’re animals on some level, and ALL animals have a desire to re-produce–it’s natural and normal, no spieces has ever survived without pro-creation.

That’s why I think infertility is so devestating, because for me, it wipes away a piece of your entire identity. (Like Dr. Marc said). Even if you don’t WANT children, knowing YOU have the OPTION, and YOU get to decide that–it’s pretty huge.

I do think people can have fabulous, wonderful, meaningful lives without ever having children at all–I know quite a few people who have done that–and I don’t need to have a child be complete–that being said, when the God-given right to bare children is not there anymore, it just messes with your head a bit.

I think it hits women worse because we’re made to do just that–literally–our bodies were MADE to be pregnant and give birth–and men often feel like less of a man if they can’t create a baby with their wives. BUT, what I don’t understand is people spending SO MANY YEARS and SO MUCH MONEY on attempting to get pregnant–the kids cost a ton when they come OUT–just saying. I really shouldn’t judge, but kids are TOUGH. Any parent out there will tell you that although it’s totally worth it–being a parent is THE hardest thing in the world. It’s taxing on time, money, energy, everything–not in a negative way, but it’s just, it is. I think the kids are worth it in every way, but most people I know that didn’t have kids, don’t regret not having them. And yes, most parents would have their kids again and again and again, I know that too. I just think that although infertility is completely un-fair, there is a lot to learn from it too.

I think one of the reasons infertility is so devastating is because SOCIETY SAYS we MUST have kids. I don’t care how many strides women have made, if a woman chooses not to have a child, “something’s wrong,” you know? Like I said, sometimes it’s more selfish to have a child than to not have one. And sometimes, people have kids for the wrong reasons–Alisa wrote a post about that last year and it was so true.

My point is, I’m 26 and most of my friends have kids or have had a scare or are PLANNING on having kids someday. There’s a TON of pressure out there to have kids. I think that makes infertility harder–I wonder sometimes, is it really a problem society projects onto us, or a solo one?

As hard as infertility is, I wish people would realize that although having children IS fantastic, there ARE so MANY, MANY ways to be a part of child’s life without having your very own. You can be a fantastic Auntie, Uncle, God-parent, Nanny, volunteer with children, lead a Youth Group (either @ church or @ Boys & Girls Club).

I understand the yearning for children of your own, but at some point, you have to realize that everything happens for a reason and just because you don’t/can’t have children, doesn’t mean you cease to exist as a human being.

You may be missing an innate ability, and it may suck for a while, but often times things are ten times harder than they have to be simply because we refuse to accept things the way they are.

Fertile or infertile–each of us is worthy, special and deserving of happiness. We cannot lose ourselves so much in ONE person or ONE situation (infertility) that we forget to do our best to enjoy the journey.

Sorry for the ramble, that’s just how I feel.

Thank You, Lord, for all of the beautiful and amazing children in my life--each of whom, is a gift, even though they're not my own.

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz