Wow, Infertiliy is a Hot Topic, apparently: a sincere apology, the courage of a conviction, agreeing to disagree & the lesson of acceptance!

Here's the thing, I wrote a post about Infertility yesterday. It was actually a comment I left on a blog. Apparently, some people found my comment truly offensive, WOW, that was a first.

This is kind of why I don't want to write a book--I mean, I do, but I don't. People are always going to disagree, and there's so much negativity that I just don't want/need.

I can totally respect others' (different) opinions, differences make us greater human beings and when we learn to disagree in a fair and respectful way, we grow.

But for someone to think that I would just come right out and be hurtful on PURPOSE, that bothers me. I'm not a cruel, insensitive bitch.

They don't know me, they don't know my story.

What I meant was that it irritates me when people let ONE situation in their life CONSUME and CONTROL their WHOLE life. That never made sense to me and probably never will. SOMETIMES--for a day or two, or even a few weeks or months, I DO understand that. I get it, I've been there.

BUT, there's so much hostility and anger involved with infertility that I think that's why people don't talk about it. It's like this battle between the fertile and the infertile--and the happily infertile.

Yes, there is such a thing.

There ARE actually people that DON'T want children and that's okay too.

Why all the judgement? I don't understand why we can't just get a long and agree to disagree? Why do people who are infertile take the comments of others (some of us who are also infertile, by the way) so personally? Like, maybe LEARN from those comments, maybe step out of your own pain and see something positive in a different person/situation.

I feel like if I'm infertile I'm SUPPOSED to be sad and angry and depressed and let it consume, and possibly ruin, my whole life? Nope, sorry, that's just not who I am.

There ARE people who CHOOSE to spend their lives looking at the POSITIVE, BRIGHT side of things. MOST days, I am one of those people--not always, but most of the time.

I do not even disagree with the people who disagreed with me. I stand by what I said, but OF COURSE I NEVER meant to hurt ANYONE. I'm a not a cruel, spiteful person and for me, just being ALIVE is a GIFT!

I really, really wish people would realize that.

Life is precious and hard and miraculous and difficult--some days I don't want children because I can't imagine putting another human being through the kind of hell that life ultimately is sometimes. Come on!

Other days I DO TOTALLY want children and my heart ACHES beyond belief that I can't.

But, in life, you win some, and you lose some--but you only TRULY lose when you fail to learn from the (all be it hard, unfair and crappy) experiences put in front of you.

I even said in the comment/post that there are lots of ways to be an important part of a child's life without having any of your own. I said there are ways to live a happy, successful life without a child.

The BIGGEST point I made was learning to ACCEPT what is seemingly unacceptable.

I'm really learning, and again, only I AM learning--not that everyone else is or has to or should, that part of happiness in life is just learning the LESSON OF ACCEPTANCE.

It is NOT an easy one, but the more I learn that lesson, the harder it is for me to see people DROWNING themselves in misery; it's like people LIKE being in pain and feeling conflict and sadness and anger. It's almost like people LIKE punishing themselves for something (infertility, marriage, divorce, kids, death of loved ones, etc.) they sincerely have NO control over. I just don't get it.

I USED to be one of those people, but my God, so much time and space and ENERGY is FREED UP when one learns to just accept things as they are.

I'm not saying to just lye down and let life beat the crap out of you. I'm not suggesting we just take crap off of people and never stand up for what is right, what we believe in or what is truly important to us. It's not about that.

Acceptance is just realizing that you simply cannot change some things, you cannot control some things. No matter how hard you try, how much you work at it, how much you WANT to, how much you WISH and PRAY and DREAM that things would be DIFFERENT; sometimes, they're just not going to be. Period.

And that's why I think infertility is such a hot button issue. I personally see it as wanting to control your fate--which every single person wants to do--and to an extent, we DO control our fate. But sometimes, it is NOT up to us, it IS up to God. He DOES know the bigger plan, and He does HAVE a plan. And people that spend years and years crying and aching and ruminating over the fact that they can't have a baby--to me, I just don't get it. I do NOT judge it, at all, but I don't get it.

I cried and ached for a while, don't get me wrong. Sometimes, I still do. It IS completely and totally UN-FAIR and UN-NATURAL to NOT be able to give birth, I totally agree. When I see parents hurt, abuse or murder their children and THEY could have them, but I can't? Oh yeah, I get pretty pissed and look up and go, "Really?" I have asked God hundreds of tims to explain it to me, but I may never know the answers--so many times in life, we never end up knowing the answers. And that's okay.

But, guess what? WE ARE ALIVE! We are here, breathing, walking, talking--and life CAN be enjoyed (most days) REGARDLESS of personal situations.

There is more to life than being a parent, it is totally possible to be happy no matter what. We just have to make the CHOICE to be.

I feel it important to jump in here and say that many parents face nothing but trial and heartache with their kids. People want BABIES, they want the dream of a family--but I don't think a lot of people realize the impact that children have on your lives. It changes everything and takes so much time/money/energy/space--FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Fighting to have one, is really sweet and brave and courageous and a wonderful inspiring story to tell your child someday--how hard you fought to have it. But, some parents are also miserable and SOME are even sorry they had them. Few will admit to that, but I've heard it occasionally.

I've probably left a lot of readers in the dust, and again, I don't want to hurt ANYONE or sound too judgemental. I hope I'm not sitting on a moral high horse, this is just what I believe.

My way isn't necessarily the right way or smarter way, there's TONS of crap I do NOT understand, and might not ever understand. As much as I DO know about life, there is FAR MORE that I do NOT know. And I've ALWAYS been the first one to admit to that.

But, still, I stand by what I said. Both yesterday with the comment and the post.

Perhaps, I could've changed my tone, been more sensitive or shared more of my personal history from the get go, but I was not wrong in what I said, and neither was/is anyone else.

There is room for difference, we are grown ups, and we can agree to disagree.

By the way, I don't think all infertile women/men are miserable, unhappy or sad. They have EVERY right to be so if they are, but to project that anger/sadness onto everyone else, isn't fair either. It is NO ONE'S fault that some people just can't babies, and that's all I was trying to say.

Each of us has individual plan, each of us is on our own unique path. That path doesn't have to divide us, or make us drastically different from one another--it CAN unite us. I am not where some people are, and they're not where I'm at. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with taking our own sweet time to learn the lessons we need to learn.

I have tasted this humble pie and it's quite tasty. And although, again, I am sincerely sorry if I hurt/offended anyone, I am glad that I was able to admit to it, and get in touch with that "fightin' Sarah" again--in a good way. A few weeks ago I was beginning to think I'd lost my "fire" my "passion," my "zest" for standing up for what I believe--and it's good to know I haven't. Yay!

That being said, I don't want to further embroil myself in any more negativity, so this is the last I will be speaking of this topic (infertility).

Thank You, Lord, for the strength to stand up for myself, the courage to stand by my convictions, for the Power of You and Your grace, Your forgiveness and Your love. Thank You, most of all, for the HUMILITY to see the error of my ways and apologize when I was obviously a bit out of line. Thank You, for placing so many wonderful children in my life that I don't feel the need to rush out and have my own. Thank You, for the GIFT of LIFE (my own) and the lesson of acceptance.

I grew a little today.

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz