10-10-10: A Wonderful Week Wrapped Up, Goals & Staying Positive!

Today is 10-10-10, this will never happen again. Of course, every day will never happen again, and every day is a gift, but I digress.....

Any 10th day of the month this year, I think, sounds cool: 6--10--2010, 10--10--2010 neat!

Anyway, I've been meaning to write for a few days, so this entry might be all over the place, please bare with me--thanks!

The other day (Friday) I went out to Boulder City, Nevada and it was so nice. It's just a beautiful little city--a step back in time. It reminded me a lot of Solvang (California) and Reno--in the middle of the desert, of course. It was so nice and everyone was so friendly and kind. The weather was just gorgeous--the antique shops, book stores and little hole in the wall restraunts--so cute! The whole day--everything about the experience--it was just lovely!

My procedure went well, it was a week ago. The problem isn't my esophogus, which is fantastic, the problem is actually my stomach. Go figure. My esophogus has been re-built up to six times, but it's fine.

I always say that everything happens for a reason, and this surgery taught me that. I feel alive again, I feel renewed. I feel even more grateful than I already was.

A few weeks ago I wrote an entry about someone always having it worse than I do. And that's true. When I went into the hospital last Monday morning, my nurse was named Jeff. He was an accountant for a while, but then,at some point in his life--he decided to become a nurse. He wanted to give back to those who had saved his own life many times. You see, Nurse Jeff was in a very bad car accident when he was two years old. By the time he was five years old, Jeff had undergone 28 surgeries.

Yes, that's right....28 surgeries by the time he was 5. Kinda of beats me by a LONG shot. When Nurse Jeff told me that, I said "I'm gonna shut up now". I wasn't really complaining as it was, but after that, yeah, I needed to focus on the positive.

I'm so glad and relieved everything went so well. I was nervous, but I got through it.

When I came home, I lounged around, did nothing and just relaxed. Of course, I was on a liquids-only diet for 48 hours and that was hard. I got creative though; I made veggie soup (pureed), a deliciously sweet watermelon-grape smoothie, a coffee milk shake and other stuff. I survived.

It never dawned on me how much food took up my life, and how much time it frees it up when you don't have to prepare it, clean it up and chew it.

Last night, however, I made home made french fries and oh my goodness, they were SO good! They didn't give me heartburn, so I was happy!

Food is my comfort, my solace, my joy--and I've never done a drug in my life but I one could say that food is my addiction. I really miss eating whatever I want, whenever I want--even though I never really did that--I'm doing even less of it now. I pretty much have heartburn and/or nausea constantly--today, however, wasn't bad at all1 Thank God--literally--thank You, Lord!

My point is, my stomach is messed up, I'm glad it's not my esophogus, but man, I'm getting tired of being afraid of contracting heartburn the minute I put something in my mouth. That being said, it is what it is. I can't fight it, hate it or rally against it--I need to learn from it. It may suck a lot, but clearly, my body is trying to tell me something.

And yes, I'm learning from this. Having this restricted diet has made me realize how much of my life is consumed by food. Eating it, buying it, preparing it. For me, food is not only a necessity, it was/is my only luxury. I miss it, terribly. I don't get my nails done, or my hair (I do get a hair cut about twice a year). I don't buy expensive clothes or pricey purses. I'm quite frugal--the one thing I do indulge in; the one thing I both need AND want very much--food--the way I want it, when I want it. Call me selfish, but I have been a foodie for most of my life now, and it's just weird to be unable to indulge in that love-affair aspect of my life.

But, I'm doing okay. I have a lot of energy and mental clarity by limiting what I eat and while I hope I don't have to limit what I eat for very long (seriously!)--I truly am still enjoying what I CAN eat! Yay!

Anyway, after the surgery, I watched some shows on TV. "30 Days," what a great show! The first episode was about Coal Miners (more on that another day) and it was so eye opening. God Bless these men (and women) who do that, they define HARD WORK! What an odd predicament they're caught in, and what hard working people they are. Anyway, the next episode of "30 Days" was about people in wheelchairs. Oh my Lord it made me count my blessings tenfold. Again, I laid in that bed of mine and decided to shut up.

Because the truth is, I DO have it SO good. No, my body is not perfect. Yes, there are a lot of things I WISH it did that it is not doing and may never do. But that's okay. I am walking, talking, drinking, sitting, standing and typing. I can see and hear and pee. Sincerely. I can speak and wash my face and brush my teeth. I have a bed to get into at night. I can hoola hoop a bit (more on that later). I can do some Tai Chi. I can look at others doing things that make them happy and be sincerely happy for them! Most of all, I have a great mind and I can enjoy life--no matter what. I am getting back to where I truly enjoy just living--I have a passion for life, I always have, it's back in full force now! All of these are very precious gifts and I am blessed to have each of them!

This surgery made me come home again, in a weird way. It snapped back into reality--the reality of the fragileness of life and health. It snapped me back into who I want to be and who I am--a positive, thankful, strong person who is mostly just happy to be ALIVE! Seriously.

I needed that. I got pretty down, and pretty far away from that this summer. Or for the last few years if I was being totally honest here. All of for very valid reasons, no doubt. I had every right--especially this summer--to doubt the power of positivity, to question God (notice I didn't say doubt Him completely), to be confused and negative for a while. All of these things that I was feeling was understandably so. But, none the less--I feel like I'm getting back on track with who I want to be. I'm re-aligning with the positive, kind person I know I can be!

I don't want to just survive this life, I want to thrive in it! I can't thrive by being a negative, bitchy, depressed person. We're all entitled, yes, but the biggest gift of being sick is the way it just puts everything in line for you. It puts it ALL into perspective and strips away what is truly important in life, and what isn't.

I've been sick from the beginning, and always will be to some degree, so the biggest blessing in that is that I've not known a lot different. Sure, I drifted off course for a while--steered away from the positive, kind, strong Sarah I know I am--but I'm getting back to her--slowly, but surely!

I'm a work in progress. In no way do I have it all (or any of it, actually) figured out. I have not 'arrived' so to speak. I hope I never do. How boring would it be to stop learning? Really!

My point is, I still have my down days. I still question things. I still struggle to say "up," but the struggle isn't such a battle anymore. I'm finding it easier to stay positive and seek the good.

This past week since my surgery has been one of the best in a LONG, long time! There are still things that are bothering me--about myself and my life--but I'm working on them. I'm working on a lot of things in a lot of different ways! I'm meditating, and praying and focusing on what is good and right with the world--and not just MY world--but THE world at large.

I think it is true that what you put out you get back. Sew, and you shall reap. This past week, I've sewed good thoughts, positivity and kindness--and I've reaped it all back tenfold!

My customers at work have been SO nice and patient. I have been told that I'm a "sweetheart," about five times this week and my smiling kindness is SINCERE lately. It's not a put on and it's at all not forced. I'm smiling because I'm happy and I'm blessed. Sure, life isn't perfect, and neither am I, but I'm noticing all of the greatness in the world again--and in those around me too--and I love that!

Everyone on my Facebook page seems to be doing well and happy. They're enjoying life, their birthdays, anniversaries, families and children. They're feeling loved and peaceful too! How awesome is that!? I don't think there's any greater joy than being truly happy for those you love (and like) when they are happy themselves! It's such a gift!

Spreading that love and happiness is so easy to do. I take such joy in seeing others be happy, discover things and smile! I love to see people laugh--it's so awesome! We all need more of that in this world--all of us!

Attitudes are contagious, and lately, mine has been worth catching--it's pretty good. I'm not sharing all this to brag--really, I'm not. I'm sharing this because I want to accountable--mostly to myself. Myself is the only real person (besides God, of course) that I MUST answer to. I'm sharing all of this tonight because I feel like it will help someone.

Again, don't get me wrong, I've made mistakes this week. I've blown my loving kindness a time or two. I got impatient every now and then. (When I did, I just reminded myself to breathe, pray and accept the waiting for what it was). I'm still human. But, all I'm saying is I feel like I am being the person I want to be. I am treating others the way I want to be treated. I am staying true to myself, standing up for myself, keeping healthy boundaries and staying positive! I am looking for the good in people, things and all situations.

(Some people are just so mean, though, it's harder to recognize the good in them. That's a trying predicament let me tell you. But, that's another entry!)

Overall, staying abundantly positive is sometimes hard to do, but I'm doing it--and I'm loving it!

I love my job too, I am so blessed to have one! I worked today, and even though I will NEVER like working on Sundays, it wasn't bad at all. I only have do it (work on Sundays) two or three times a year, so I can handle it. I have a job, that's what counts! I actually had a lot of fun, as I usually do when I go to work. I picked up a free hoola hoop for myself (today was World Hoop Day, no kidding), helped customers enjoy a lovely concert we were having and all and all--just enjoyed all of my customers! I was busy, I earned my money and it was great!

Don't get me wrong, it's not all cake and roses right now. But, when is it really? I am finding that the more positive (in a realistic way, that is) I stay--the more positive the world becomes.

I'm not knieve anymore, I'm not a kid. I'm young, but I'm not as innocent as I was once. I KNOW there are REAL problems in the world. There are homeless and sick and hungry. There is a mess all over this country. There is ugliness and petiness and a bunch of crap that will never make sense. So, like I said, I'm not knieve.

I have found that while it doesn't help to slap a happy face on a sour situation, it also doesn't help to drown in a sour situation.

It does no good, none what so ever.

I have to keep looking for the positive, and keep reaching for the UP!

It's the only way to stay sane, healthy & happy...and so far, I'm doing it.

Meditation, prayer and Tai Chi are helping a lot. Doing my best to treat others with kindness is also helping a lot. What goes around comes around--literally!

I can't speak for the coming week, all I know about it right now is that it will be very busy. I don't know how I will act, or in what ways I will faulter or succeed. Things may be entirely different tomorrow--you never know what life holds for you. That's part of what makes it so great, so exciting and so joyful!

I heard a quote this week that said something like "God, in His infinite mercy, keeps us from seeing our future so that we are forced to focus on the present moment. If we could see the future, all we would do is worry about it and miss out on what's happening now."

I believe that to be true.

All I'm saying is that I hope this coming week is a lot like that last week has been. I stayed calm during stressful times, I was kind and positive and I was AWARE. I thanked God for each moment of it--even the trying ones--and was realistic about when I was struggling. That's really all I can ask of myself. I think it's all any of us can ask of ourselves.

I want this coming week to be great--but whether or not it is is up to me, I know that!

For now, I am happy. I am content. I am coming back to the Sarah I know I can be.

And right now, I'm off to bed. I'm achieving my goal of getting to bed earlier now instead of staying up half the night. I have found that I love getting up in the mornings and can get so much more done when I don't sleep half the day! Yay!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a fun, busy, friend-filled, wonderful week--I get to see Claudia, I get to work some, and hopefully, I get to receive some medical explanations to my stomach problem....it should be wonderful!

I hope you all have a wonderful week too!

Thank You, Lord, for passing Your kindness onto me and onto others. For a great week, for gratitude, friends, family, satisfying work, motivation, downtime, lessons and good coffee! I might as well enjoy what I CAN and DO have, after all!

Please keep it coming and most of all, please continue to bless those I love!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)