Loving Life: accepting what you cannot change, learning from where you've been, changing the world in little ways & being happy anyway!

This post is about some things I've learned, and things I'm doing, right now. It's about finding happiness no matter what.

And of course, in my life, a lot of my happiness comes from my love of food, so here we go......

There's a chef on The Cooking Channel whose name is Sandy and in the promo for the station, he says "My grandma never had any formal training and she never used recipe. But she knew how to cook and knew how to feed a lot of people. I developed a passion for food from a very early age, because of her."

That's exactly how I feel too!

Although my grandma did follow recipes when she was trying something new in the kitchen, "you gotta try it," she would say--most of her cooking was simply the result of her mind and her creativity. That's why it's so hard sometimes to think of her as having Alzheimer's--if there was anyone who was as sharp as a tack, always trying new things and was abundantly and consistently creative--it was my grandma. But, she does have Alzheimer's and I will not allow that vicious disease to rob me of my happiness too. I just won't.

Back to the cooking, I can count on less than one hand the number of times (in my lifetime at least) my grandma messed up the food. That's a pretty darn good record if you asked me. I've made more than my fair share of kitchen mistakes, but the older I get, the less I make of them. I think that's a lot like life. I also think that's why I don't mind getting older. The fleeting sense of time sometimes bothers me, but overall, the older I get, the wiser (I hope) I get. The more I continue to grow and learn, and hopefully, dear Lord, the less mistakes I will make. We always will make them, in some form or another, but, hopefully--much like cooking in a kitchen--the more experienced we get (in life or the kitchen) the less mistakes we make. Or at least, we make new mistakes.

I think that's one of the greatest things about cooking and knowing your way around a kitchen, not only do you learn how to make great food and sustain your life (literally) by feeding yourself well, and joyfully. But you learn a lot about life in general--being open to trying new things, knowing when something just isn't going to work out, what ingredients you need to stockpile, when to put something on the back burner for a while, or turn it down all together. When to add some spice or extra salt, and/or when it could be a little sweeter. Learning to use whatever you have, without always having to buy more of something. See, a lot of my life lessons have come from the kitchen!

I've been cooking on my own(with a lot of help from both mom and grandma) since I was 10 years old, so at nearly 27, I've been cooking solo for almost 17 years now. I'm glad I have a few things figured out by now. LOL! But, that doesn't mean it was always that way. I've had to throw out many a dishes because I royally messed them up! But, much like my grandma was patient with me in her kitchen, I've learned to be patient with myself too. I will NEVER know it ALL, and that's okay.

Speaking of my grandma,some of my favorite memories of her are in the kitchen when she was cooking or baking. Whenever I think of her, I automatically picture her in one of two places--her sewing room, or the kitchen. The sewing room was hers, that was her space and her world. And she was a damn excellent at that too! But, the kitchen was our place together--it was the space where we connected and learned from, and about, each other. It was a big form of communication for us, and I think that's one of the reasons I love cooking today--because it remains a form of communication for me. It's one way that I communicate my love for others--cooking is that way for a lot of people.

It does sadden me that I will most likely not ever be in the kitchen with my grandma ever again. But, still, I am happy with my life today.

I miss my grandma so much, I even still miss my Nellie so much. Some days are better than others concerning both of them. And although I wish they were still here, I am still happy with my life today.

I love my life, I really do!

Today is one month from my birthday, and in 30 days, I will turn 27. It'll be my first birthday without both Grandma and Nellie, and when I look back on 2010--for all the crap that's happened this year, I will think "that's the year I lost Nellie and Grandma, but it's also the year I learned how to deal with loss, and I grew up a lot."

At the beginning of this year, I said I wanted to cook more, learn how to make more different cuisines, and continue on my spiritual path in a really big way. And I have done both.

I think the fact that I've lost two of the most beloved people (yes, I know Nellie was a pet, but she was a real person to me) in my life, that have ever, and will ever be, in my life, kind of FORCED me on a spiritual path.

I didn't know it a year ago, but yes, my spiritual path would be knocked wide open this year--be careful what you ask for, right? I'm just kidding, in all sincerity, lessons don't always come in the form we expect them too. I wanted to "go deep" spiritually speaking, this year, and I did. I had to. It was either that, or stay in a deeply negative, bitter, sad and quite miserable place.

For all intents and purposes, I could have gone completely crazy this year--I had many reasons too--this past summer being a particularly difficult one. But, as one of my favorite Wynonna Judd songs says "when you hit rock bottom, you've got two ways to go, straight up or sideways." I'm happy to say I've gone straight up! Enough people in my life also went sideways this past year, so I couldn't do that either, not like I wanted to anyway. And I'm not saying that to judge them--at all. Believe me, I understand that in a huge way now. I used to think that not being able to handle something was a weakness, when in reality, admitting when you can't handle something is a huge strength. But, I digress. Besides, everyone I know has had a particularly difficult time this year, in some way, with some thing. And so I'm no different than them. I have just chosen to use it to my advantage, and I've handled it the best way I know how. (Again, I didn't always handle it "right".)

Don't get me wrong, I WISH they were things that were different in my life. I wish my best girlfriends lived closer to me, instead of 600--1200 miles away. I wish a few key people in my life--who were promising over and over again that they would, change or had changed--had kept their promises. (But if they had changed, I wouldn't have learned so much from them). I wish my Grandma was still well and healthy and Nellie was still here. But, despite all that, none of which I have ANY control of over by the way, I am truly happy with my life right now.

I can respect the time and season of everything that's happened this year. Nellie and Grandma served their purpose in my life--and their purpose in my life will CONTINUE. Their significance in my life hasn't come a halt simply because they're not here anymore. If they were supposed to be in my life today, they would be.

I can totally respect God's plan. And I DO trust Him. I don't always agree with Him, and I have most certainly QUESTIONED him over the past year--but I think we all do that at some point. And yes, I've even been angry with God at some points this year--but that's okay. Sometimes, you have to get angry so you can look at the deeper picture that is begging for your attention. Sometimes, anger can propel you into change.

That's what I've done this year, I've used my anger in a healthier way. Instead of letting it sit and settle and stew inside me, I've released it--a lot. Not in a destructive or violent way--but through other means. A lot of prayer, I think, helped the most. A lot of realizing that I'M not perfect, and never will be, helped too. The fact that I'm not EXPECTED to be perfect, so I cannot expect perfection from others--that probably helped the most!

There will never be perfection--from myself or anyone else--at least not on this Earthly Plane. I've truly realized that this year. That doesn't mean I can't keep striving for it--and improving myself and the lives of those around me in a positive way. It's just relinquishing the need (from myself and others) to always be right or perfect.

I've recognized that there will always be fantastic parts of life (which I'm always good at recognizing) and not so fantastic parts of life. And that the two can co-inside together. One little part of your life that isn't going so swell does not have to define your overall attitude about life.

I think I'm coming back to myself in a really big way, and I like that!

When I was a baby, toddler and even small child, I LOVED life! Who doesn't really at that age, but you know what I mean. And then, as a teenager, I still loved it but it bothered me half the time--everything bothered me back then. Again, one could say that everything bothers a teenager, right? But, I have always felt everything so intensely, that a lot of times, I let those feelings or stubborn opinions stand in the way of my happiness--and that was dumb. I've always been a positive person, but finally, a month shy of 27, I'm also a sincerely happy one.

If you went around and polled people that know me they'd say "she's always been happy," and for the most part, I have. I can always find SOMETHING to be happy about--but on the flip side, I could always find PLENTY of things to be UN-happy about. What I've realized this year, is that those things will always be there. Life will always be hard in SOME capacity--but more often than not, it really IS only as hard as we make it. And too darn often in my life, I've made it way harder than it had to be.

But, now, I try my best not to do that anymore, and thus, I'm happy.

It's not because I "have it all," even though in many, many ways I feel like I do!

It's not because I don't have bad days or am always happy with the way people around me conduct themselves, or for that matter, the way I conduct myself.

It's not because I live in some Utopian world where everything is blissful and easy. It's because life is too darn short to NOT be happy.

It's because I firmly believe that what we GIVE OUT, comes back to us TENFOLD!

I learned that from my grandma, and my mama too!

It is true that my life will never be the same without my grandma, and I will most likely miss her every single day. But that doesn't mean I have to live in the missing of her and stop living all together. In fact, it means quite the opposite--it is my responsibility to go on living without her because that is how she raised me, and that is what she'd want me to do. So I will, and I intend on being darn happy about it!

I'm still here, and that alone, is reason enough to be happy!

"True beauty comes from a kind heart, a joyful soul, and a well exercised mind."

I had lunch with a good friend yesterday and she said to me, "I've known you for two years, and I've never seen you look so good. Your hair looks great, your skin is glowing, you look marvelous! What are you doing?" I said "Oh, not worrying about things I clearly can't control, taking care of myself again." She said I didn't look stressed at all. And it dawned on me "I'm not!" I COULD stress out, by why? What's the point?

In fact, nearly everyone this past week has said something about how good I'm looking lately. The last week has been like "You look really nice. You look so good! You're adorable! You're hot! Did you do something different to...you look great!"

I'm not saying this to brag (although it did make me feel good, I won't lie), I'm saying this because my heart is kinder lately, my soul is rejoicing in so much and well, I've certainly been exercising my mind.

My inner happiness is radiating outward from me. My peace and lower stress level is shinning through. Because I've let a lot go and recently and I AM happy!

Those compliments were very nice to hear, of course, but more importantly, it got me thinking--I am truly happy with my life because I've realized, when I'm kind and joyful, loving and patient--that's exactly I receive from others. When I stop trying to fix everything and everyone--boy does it free up A LOT of time and energy!

I am no longer interested in giving other people my power--and I'm not talking about power to control or fix or instruct--but my spiritual reservoir of power. I'm not giving it away anymore.

I can't say I'll always be this good at it, or that I won't slip up and let something, or someone, just overtake me. But, it occurred to me the other day that hey, if I COULD fix the world at large, it'd be pretty darn perfect by now. And clearly, I can't (fix it).

I CAN help it, I CAN encourage it. I CAN do my part to make it a better, more loving and positive place. I CAN be happy for no good reason. I can be grateful that I'm simply alive and breathing. I CAN support my loved ones and continue to listen to them and tell them just how much I cherish them. I CAN let go of hold hurts that are way past their expiration date and I CAN wake up each day, just happy to be here. Most of all, I can respect the places that I've been (literally and figuratively) and the place that I am today.

All of the above is how I can change the world!

It's not about imparting my sole opinion on someone who doesn't want to hear it anyway. It's not about telling others how to live their lives, because when I do that, I disrespect THEIR place and where THEY are in THEIR journey of life. It's not about donating thousands of dollars to a charity--although that's nice and I'd do it if I had the extra thousand or so laying around. It's not about hosting big huge benefits with big fancy dinners (although again, that'd be fun if I had the means to do so).

It's about little things. It's about tiny differences in my own attitude. It's about striving to maintain a cheerful disposition. Someone called me cheerful the other day, and I quite liked that. I want to be cheerful, too many people are not. Again, that's okay for them, maybe they can't find a reason to be cheerful, and Lord knows I've been there many, many times. But, my point is, I used to think that I had to change the world in some BIG, HUGE way. That if I wasn't famous or didn't have a lot of money, I would never be able to leave my mark on the world. And that just isn't true.

I can help the world in so many little ways--and it all adds up. By just being kinder, gentler, more patient. (With myself and with others. By maintaining a calm resolve WITHIN myself and working hard (sometimes I have to work really hard) not to let this crazy world get to me. By setting up firm, healthy boundaries, that do not keep people out and away from me, but rather, invite them in--in a safe and healthy manner....

By holding the door open for someone, or giving them a compliment. By looking a person in the eyes when they speak to me--regardless of who they are. By listening intently to someone when they speak--admittedly, I need to work on this a little more. By sincerely wishing someone well.

By sending each person I pass a little love and a little light.

By carrying on my families recipes and strength. By being a person of integrity--which I define as saying what I mean and meaning what I say. (I've always been pretty good at that one).

THIS is how I can change the world.

Someday, I may "GO BIG" with larger efforts to change the world, but right now, I do not feel it is my time to "go big!" It is my time to be quiet, listen, learn--share my knowledge thus far and perhaps, later on, some day--I'll change the world in an even bigger way! Who knows?

Do I WANT to be a famous Author? Yes. Do I WANT to share my story and my personal gifts with the world? Absolutely! Have I done that already on some teeny tiny level? Yes, I have.

By the way, when I say my personal gifts, I don't mean that I'm some gifted person who is better than anyone else walking this Earth--because I'm not.

My mama was so right in teaching me that I'm no better, and no worse, than anyone else.

But, we ALL have personal gifts--I believe, a special talent or thing we excel at. Some are good at math or science, or cooking or writing. Some are good at cleaning and organizing. Some are good at speaking or helping others in a physical way. Some are good at playing music, drawing or singing. Some are good at sports or gardening or building things. Some are good at being parents or spouses or sisters. Some are good at teaching or inspiring others. Everyone is good at something--I firmly believe that we ALL have different gifts and it's supposed to be that way. No one can be good at everything, because than we wouldn't need each other, and more importantly, we'd never learn from each other.

While I am good at writing and cooking, and I'd like to think I've been a great daughter/granddaughter and friend--there are a TON of things I can't do or am not great at. That doesn't mean I couldn't be better at certain things if I tried, or that I think negatively of myself. It's just that being able to admit both your strengths, and weaknesses, is important. I'm happy to say that for the most part, I know both of mine! And that's one of the things that makes me happy about my life today.

I don't need to talk myself down to let others rise up, nor do I need to brag incessantly while inadvertently making others feel bad. I just know what I'm good at, and what I'm not. I have absolutely no problem giving credit where it is rightfully due. I have absolutely no problem letting others shine, learning from them, passing on THEIR wisdom and strength and creativity and sharing the wealth of knowledge and lessons we all give one another.

I believe we're only as strong as the people we surround ourselves with, and yes, sometimes we have to re-adjust who we are surrounding ourselves with. But, and I say (and always mean) I would NOT be who I am today, or where I am today without every single solitary person in my life!

They're a big part of the reason why I love my life so much!

I'm alive, I'm breathing. I am sitting here on a beautiful Autumn Day--relaxing and writing on my couch. I can hear the garbage truck outside and the pigeons on the roof. I have a nice warm blanket over me that's soft and squishy. I have my grandmother's quilt thrown over me too. She made that for me, with her own two hands; purple and white with bits of green mixed it--totally me! I have plenty of food in the fridge and pantry, I have a fabulous job to go to today. I have amazing friends and family and co-workers. I have a bed to get into at night. I have family to go spend Thanksgiving with. I have the memories of the most terrific Grandma and baby Nellie cat that I could've ever asked for. I have the most awesome mama too! I have friends who support me and encourage me and let me carry on and cry when I need too-that is huge! I have my eyesight, and sense of smell and taste. I can get up and walk anywhere I please, go the bathroom on my own, brush my teeth, wash my face, take a hot shower (or cold one if I prefer). I have running water, and beautiful hair on my head. I have twenty-three physical scars that remind me of how much I've survived. I have a car that runs and another fabulous 27th birthday coming up!

So, after all of that? How could I NOT love my life?

As I said earlier, of course there are things that I wish were different. The things I CAN change, I am changing, and the things that I cannot change, well, I'm sending up a white flag on those!

There is nothing that I can do that will change the fact that Grandma and Nellie are gone--and are not coming back--at least not in a physical sense.

There is nothing I can do to bring them back or change that--I would if I could, but I can't. So, all I can do is miss them, thank them for their time with me, send them love and light and be eternally grateful for having had so many wonderful years with both of them. I honestly wouldn't trade a moment of it!

But, this is a new chapter in my life, and since I can't change their absense--although I'll always feel it--I CAN be happy anyway! I CAN go on and live a life that's full and rich and happy--it's also one of the best ways I to honor them.

I am still a work in progress, as we are all just struggling human beings and people in progress.(Gary Champman said that "People in progress", not me) Every last one of us. But there's comfort in that because we're not alone.

I know that I have come a place of peace and happiness after all that's happened this year because I have simply decided too. I am content with my life. With help from my friends, and family, and even my co-workers (God Bless them all)--I have made it through. I have chosen to be BETTER, not bitter and learn some very important life lessons along the way.

So, yes, I love my life!

And it is my sincere wish that you all love your life too! We don't have to love every part about it, and we can even sincerely dislike many aspects of it, but overall--we need to start loving our lives! It's like that old saying "Love life and life will love you back!" That's so true!

I've seen it first hand and I'm proud to say that by loving others, loving myself and loving life in general--that's how we change the world, folks--one love, and one life at a time!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone--let's be grateful every single day, I know I am! Thank You, Lord, for EVERYTHING!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)