Friday the 15th!! Prayers for Colin & Ellen....

Today is Friday the 15th of October and my sister, Jordan, is having her Golden Birthday--15 on the 15th!!!

I cannot believe she is 15 already, next year, she starts driving! Wow!

I hope she has a great birthday, I love you, Jordan!

Anyway....

I don't have a lot to say today. Colin is back in the hospital--he swelled up like a balloon and we're not sure why. Hopefully, he'll get out today (took him to the ER last night) we can go about our weekend as planned. If not, whatever. I've learned that life doesn't always go the way you planned--whether the broken or re-routed plans are big or small.

Anyway, I had a hard time being there (at the hospital) last night. I felt like a good wife for making him go to the ER when I knew he needed too, but like a bad one for leaving so early. I stayed about 4 hours, and he was sleeping anyway, but....I just couldn't be in there much longer. Sometimes, when I'm in hospitals, I do okay--and sometimes, I have a tendency to be on edge--last night, I was on edge. I think it's because I was just in one as the patient last week, but even so. I wanted to be there for my husband, but I had to come home and rest.

I've spent A LOT of time in hospitals, most of my life, and the last three months an awful lot of time. I'm not complaining, because each time I go--whether as the patient or advocate (the latter of which I'm quite good at now), I learn something new. I get stronger and better, so I'm not complaining, but it is an observation I have made, that's all.

I will go back today, and hopefully, he will get out tonight. Most of all, I hope he's okay and I hope the swelling has gone down. It's quite scary when you DON'T know what's wrong, what's going on and why something is happening. As dior as some diagnosies can be, I'd rather know for sure what I'm up against.

Lord, please make Your Presence known to Colin, watch over him, protect him and send him the right and perfect medical team of Dr. & Rn's for him--thank You.

Everyone at Spring Valley Hospital is really nice. And now, we've been there so many times since 2007--whether for Colin, my mother or myself--that they all know us now. It's kind of like Stomping Grounds. Like UCSF was for me--heck, still is--even thoughh I've not been admitted there in almost 10 years--thank God! How akward is it that my stomping grounds are hospitals? I mean, really?

I don't mind it, though. I'm comfortable in them, I know how they run, I know what to expect (a lot of waiting!).

This is my life. This is just the hand I was dealt. It's not like we're at the hospital every single week, and it's not like any of us is actively dying. So, it could always, always be worse--and I thank God every single day that it's not. But, it is kind of funny. I thought once I got out of the hospital as a patient, I wouldn't be going back. Turns out, I was wrong.

Oh well, clearly, I can't run from hospitals and I keep ending up in them--even when I'm not the one in need of care. That's okay, it's something I know how to do and am good at now. And that's just the way it goes. I've stopped fighting it. No one in my life has cancer or a dior medical disease and neither do I. Most days, we're NOT in the hospital--and we're all breathing, walking and talking on our own. I'm not on an O.R. table every week anymore and niether are my loved ones, so I am incredibly blessed!

Oh, my heart and thoughts and prayers go out to my good friend, Ellen. Her mother just passed away and my heart is breaking for her. Ellen is in her 50s so it's not like she's lost her mom at 20, but, still, it's hard. As much as my mother and I go round and round, I know my life will forever be altered when she's gone. I will never, ever be the same again and I will miss her every single day. Once your parents are gone--one or both of them, doesn't matter--you are never the same again. I can't imagine the angst and heartbreak Ellen, and her family, must be feeling. I hope her Mother is resting peacefully and I hope Ellen and all of Carrols loved ones find peace and comfort in the memories. God, please be there for them all, they need You.

So, that's that--that's my world right now. I've heard that we all a place in the world--a little corner that makes us our existance. That world changes from time to time, but in that world--everything is as it is supposed to be. It's not that we're not meant to keep reaching for things and keep growing--actually quite the opposite--but learning to accept things just as they are--and be kind to others in the process--is so crucial for a happier, more peaceful life. I'm proud to say that today, and yesterday, I'm doing that!

I was very calm and nice yesterday to everyone at the hospital, and everyone was calm and nice to us. (Me and Colin). What goes around comes around, that is for sure!

I hope you all have a great weekend, as for me, it's October--one of my favorite months of the year, and if I have to enjoy from the hospital bedside of my husband, than so be it. That's what I will do.

Thank You, Lord, for peace and serenity in the midst of the unknown. Thank You for gorgeous weather, terrific friends and loving kindness. Thank You for all of Your tremendous blessings, You shower me in them each and every day and I am truly grateful for it all! Thank You also, for the blessing of my sister, Jordan--please give her many, many more birthdays to come!

I love you, Jordan, Happy Birthday!

Have a miracle day, everyone!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)