It's not always depression, and it ain't about a pill...

It's not ALWAYS depression, folks. A bad mood, a rotten day, a crappy feeling doesn't always have to equal depression. Sometimes, it's just life being life!

That's it!

I KNOW depression, and I can readily admit it when I'm going through it. But depression to me is a sense of hopelesness, lithlisness and an "I don't give a crap," attitude. I have none of that right now.

I have TONS of hope and TONS of motivation. I want to get SO much done and I care A LOT about what's going on in my life, and also in the world. This isn't depression, it's just a detour. An emotional exlporation, a re-prioritizing of things and feelings and life in general. How can that be depression?

Another thing, I also care about how I look lately, which for me, is a sign that I'm not depressed. When I am, I really could give a rat's butt about how I look. And lately, I WANT to look pretty. I want to surround myself with positivity. I WANT to smile and LAUGH and I'm still grateful for the little things! I WANT to call my friends and chat with them. If I was depressed, I wouldn't want to talk to anyone. And that's a fact. Anyone who's ever been depressed knows that you want to isolate yourself when it happens, and right now, being around people is great!

I'll admit to having been more negative lately, and I could use a real good spiritual cleansing! For sure! If there is a devil, he's definitely messing with my moods lately.

But, I'm really so sick and tired of being told "maybe, you're depressed." You know, there ARE other feelings in this world.

There are other predicaments. Not every crappy feeling in the world falls into the category of depression. Maybe there's anger, frustration, fear, lonliness, resentment, sadness, etc, etc...those are all VERY seperate feelings. Not great feelings, mind you, but feelings none the less.

I'm also tired of hearing to "take a pill," you know what, screw the pill!

This isn't about a pill! This is about a 25 year old woman coming to terms with what has happened thus far in her life, and where she wants to go from here.

A quarter life crisis, maybe? I don't think so.

I don't think questioning always equals crisis. I think questions are good. I think curiousity about yourself, your feelings and your future are good. Okay, not so good when they're endless, but in general, I've always had a sense of curioisty and I've always asked many questions.

I believe in the whole "Ask and you shall receive," thing, 110%. I have asked, and I AM receiving...a truck load of stuff. For instance, I'm learning that there really are no gaurantees in life, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't ask the question anyway.

It seems that by going through all of my physical possesions and purging those (we're moving next month, that is why I'm doing that---not because I'm "giving away all of my possesions," trust me, I'm not!)I have the urge to purge the emotional stuff too! To wipe my slate clean and start again!

And what I would like to know is exactly how and when the urge to do all of that suddenly meant "you must be depressed." Seriously!

If I was giving away ALL of my possesions and EVERY single thing I owned AND I had NO desire to "start again," or "re-new" myself....then I'd be depressed. If I didn't care about my looks at all and wasn't showering regularly, painting my toenails and RARELY leaving my house. Then I'd be depressed. If I wasn't talking to my friends on the phone and calling relatives like I NORMALLY do, then I'd be depressed. If I sat in this house all day long in my PJ's, and didn't eat at all or ate everything in sight...then I'd be depressed.

And honestly, NONE of that is happening!

Yes, I know, depression is a serious medical issue and there ARE pills to help it. I get it.

But you know, sometimes there is NO GOSH DANG PILL to make you feel better. That's probably why I never drank very much or ever once tried any recreational drug. None. At all. Ever. Why? Because I always thought that if I was going to screw up my life it was going to be MY fault, not some substances fault. And I wasn't going to PASS THE BLAME to some stupid drug! I was going to take responsibility for my own life! WHAT a concept? And I am. I am NOT the easiest person, I am NOT the most positive lately, I know that. At least I can sit here and admit it. I'm in denial of any of it. And if I was f****d up on drugs, that wouldn't be happening.

You know what else?

Perhaps we're not always supposed to take those pills. Perhaps we've become a society ENTIRELY WAY too dependent on pills and mood-stabilizers and "feel-good" medicine that we're no longer allowing ourselves the luxury of experiencing our NATURAL-FLOWING up and down MOODS? Even God gets angry once in a while. (Look around you, this crazy world is proof! He may be an all-loving God, but I know he must get ticked off at us human beings!)

Maybe we've become so damn used to popping those "happy pills," that we are no longer capable of FEELING or SORTING OUT anything on our OWN! Did anyone every think of that?!

I believe in medication for the right reasons. I really do. I believe that anti-depressants truly do help a lot of people. But, seriously, folks...sometimes, it's not always depression and it's not about taking a pill.

It's called REAL LIFE, it's called GROWING UP, it's called MARRIAGE and FAMILY and MOVING and all of that stuff!

And regardless of how crummy or stressful all of that may be at times, I personally WANT to FEEL THINGS! I WANT to LIVE things! I WANT to EXPERIENCE things! I want to LEARN things! And when we pop a pill every time one of the above happens...we become immune to the feeling, the living and the learning.

We forget how to EXPERIENCE things and depend on our OWN STRONG and WONDERFUL SELVES! We become to reliant on medication, instead of faith....we become reclusive and embarassed about things when really, the rest of the world is most likely facing the same exact struggles we are, but probably much worse. When we consistently pop pills to be "happy," we lose the inherent beauty of "learning the hard way," and being happy within our TRUE selves!

So, although depression is real and medication has its place...I ask of you to STOP the CRAP and FOCUS on WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON!

What are you REALLY feeling? What are you REALLY experiencing? Where is the REAL lesson you're supposed to be learning right now?

I know I'm feeling, experiencing and learning a lot lately, and I hope you are too. And if we're not as "happy" and "perky" while we're doing it, who cares! We will be happy again, we WILL get to know perky again. It just make take a while. And it doesn't necessarily mean we're depressed!

We're human, we're flawed and we're cracked. But God loves us anyway. He created us in His image and never promised an easy life. But His love and forgiveness and mercy....the knowledge of that alone makes me feel pretty darn happy and joyful. It brings peace in into my life and always spurs hope!

And those feelings, my friends, can never be duplicated with a pill!

And if you're not sure about God, or don't see it as a "Him," I sincerely apologize if I've offended you. There are MANY ways to start on the road to feeling better. I just know and love God, and I'm no ashamed to say it.

So, God Bless Us Everyone. Let us be a little kinder, a little gentler and a little easier with ourselves--and with each other!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)