Happy Thanksgiving: Adjusting to A New Normal, Being Happy & Content!

"...Gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder."
~G.K. Chesterton

*I might repeat myself in this entry, but I don't care! I'm not about self-editing today, I'm just going with what I feel--and feeling great happiness & gratitude today!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

This is my first Thanksgiving in 17 years without Nellie, and I know I sound like a broken record on this blog, but man, I miss her today--SO MUCH!

It is so weird to not have her here, walking around, meowing, getting underfoot while I'm trying to cook a big meal. Weird not have her on my lap, weird not to wake up next to her and cuddle with her at night. Just weird.

I know, I know, I had 16 years with her, and I'm grateful for every moment. But being as how this IS my first Thanksgiving without her in a long, long, long time--it's totally normal to feel this way, I think.

This is also my first Thanksgiving without my Grandma Elizabeth. Even though she's still alive, I can't talk to her, and that's also sad. I miss her, too, SO MUCH--every day.

But, this is my new normal--and I have to say, it's not too bad.

In truth, the only thing I'm making today is an Apple Butter Pumpkin Pie, I'm going to Colin's family for Thanksgiving--which is great! I'll have a wonderful time, eat lots of yummy food and visit with some truly terrific people!

However, this Thanksgiving is entirely different in a number of ways. Even though I haven't actually spent a Thanksgiving with my Grandma Elizabeth in seven years--since I last lived in Reno--this is the first Thanksgiving that I can't call her. Or, watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on the phone with her. That was our tradition--we'd always watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade together--whether in person or on the phone.

When I was a child, and teenager, Grandma, Mom and I would cook together on Thanksgiving, before which, we'd all watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! My mom cried this morning thinking about that, my heart breaks for my mom--I pray for her all the time. Anyway, on Thanksgiving Day, my Grandma would get up really early (around 6am) start on the Turkey and such, and then at 9am--when the Parade came on--everything stopped. All the cooking and cleaning came to a screeching halt and we'd sit down and watch the parade. The last six years, we'd call each other throughout the Parade, talk during the commercials and comment on the different floats and musical acts. The NY City Rockettes were Grandma's favorite act. She wanted to be one when she was my age, so she always really liked them. So, even though I haven't been physically with her in six years on Thanksgiving Day, it's weird that I can't call her up and chat today. I don't know if I'll ever get used to that.

This Thanksgiving is also different and weird because for the first time in my WHOLE life--my mom is working today. My mom has not worked a Thanksgiving in 27 years. I'm thinking this was a bad year for her to start, but I'm managing. Even through it all, I really am so happy and content, it's weird that I can miss two people so very much and still have such a peace about it all. And hey, at least my mom is alive and well and I can talk to her, you know.

It's not that I'm depressed, I'm not--at all--sad, a bit, yes, but not depressed. It's quite the opposite actually.

I'm tremendously thankful for this day and incredibly humbled by all that I have to be thankful for!

I remain incredibly happy that I'm alive and breathing and that most of my loved ones are too!

I'm beyond thankful for the wonderfully happy memories I have of my Nellie, and my Grandma.

But, I would be lying (and it wouldn't be healthy) if I didn't acknowledge that this Thanksgiving is very different for me. It's totally normal to feel this way when it's your first holiday without beloved people.

In all reality, though.......none of my holidays will ever be the same.

I'm not saying that to be dramatic or sad, 'cause I'm not.

It's just the truth, holidays ARE different now, I have to acknowledge that. It's not today that's bothering me so much, it's the fact that ALL of the rest of them will be different too.

Weird. I think EVERYONE has hard time, though, missing those who are no longer here--when the holidays arrive. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy them anyway.

Grandma and Nellie aren't coming back, I have to accept that, I have and I can--but that doesn't mean I stop missing them. Their absence will be noticeably felt, every holiday from now on. This is just how it is, so I do need to get used to it.

But, with this being my FIRST holiday without (both of) them, I honestly think that if I wasn't feeling their absence, I wouldn't be human.

My missing them doesn't mean I have to linger in it or let it ruin my day, in fact, it's quite the opposite. But, to be honest, I haven't missed Nellie like this since probably the beginning of October.

It's just a weird Thanksgiving on all different levels.

Oh well, this is my new normal--and it is what it is what it is. (And no, that's not a typo).

I'm not going to waste precious energy wishing things were different when they clearly cannot be.

I don't have the power to bring them back, but God does have the power to give me peace anyway--and has already blessed me with awesome memories of two precious souls!

Anyway, I wrote another poem last night. Actually, this morning (around 1am)--and as I was writing it, I was reminded that I usually always write something on Thanksgiving Day. It's just an inspiring holiday! I mean, even in the absence of family and friends, what's NOT to love about a holiday that is ALL about FOOD & GRATITUDE?! Seriously, it's awesome!

I enjoyed writing the new poem and I'm especially happy about it because they've been coming to me quite easily lately--and in droves. I'm happier when I'm writing, I just do better. Even though it's hard to find the time to actually sit down and write, or put my creative thoughts to paper (or computer screen, let's be honest)--I'm so satisfied when I do!

I'm really thankful that I know what works for me--I think I take such good care of myself because I am well aware of makes me happy and makes me well. Writing, meditating, praying, talking with my girlfriends, time in my house alone--to myself, cooking, plenty of sleep, clean sheets, time in the sunshine, and yes, lately, even baking. I never thought I'd say that one, but I do like to bake now--at least more than I used to! LOL! Honestly, though, I have my own "wellness plan," and I'm so thankful I know what works for me and what makes me happy.

I think it's important to know what makes you happy, and focus on those things--instead of what makes you un-happy. Happiness is a choice, it really is.

And since I know darn good and well that I can change the absent status of my Grandma and Nellie, I might as well be happy and find joy anyway!

I talked to Tessa this morning and she helped me so much, she always does, just by listening. I'm so glad she answered her phone, I really needed to talk to someone right then--and cry a bit--not a bawling, "oh my god" kind of cry, but a tearing up--a remembrance of those I love & miss--and a grateful recognition of those that ARE still here! I am so blessed to have such a awesome friends, and especially Tess, who is so supportive and wonderful--I'm thankful for her every day!

I had a lot of fun baking my pumpkin pie today--it's Paula Deen's recipe, actually, but I've been making it for years now. I started it because I just don't like regular Pumpkin Pie--but I like mine! It may be the only dish I'm making today (which I'm half bummed, and half relived about)--but I made it with lots of love, joy and light! I rolled out the crust and pieced it together in the pie pan--I purposely wanted it to look homemade--and it does--yay! It smells good too, it's baking in the oven right now! Yum!

I am SO looking forward to dinner tonight! I'm going to pig out--for sure! That'll make me happy, no doubt about it! I'm not a complicated woman, give me good food that feeds both my tummy and my soul and I'm pretty much happy camper! I seriously love Thanksgiving!

I am glad I'm not just thankful today, though. I think too many people are--only Thankful around this time of year, and that's sad. I can honestly say that I am truly grateful every single day of my life--regardless of what's going on around me. I may not even be happy all the time (and that's okay), but I AM always grateful. Even in my darkest moments, I can always find something to be grateful for! I like that about myself!

Anyhow, my pie is out of the oven and it looks good! The crust does indeed look homemade, it came out very nice, so I'm happy! It smells delicious too--so I'm definitely going to take a small piece at dinner tonight!

I am so blessed--even though my Nellie and Grandma aren't here--I still have wonderful family to go too! I will always miss Nellie and Grandma--but this is my life now--and at least I got 16 to 26 and 1/2 fabulous, beautiful, joyous years with both of them! Today, I am most thankful for that!

Thank You, Lord, for all of my many blessings! For time with loved ones, family and friends--and most of all, amazing happy memories! Thank You for giving both my Grandma and I--and Nellie and I--a chance to have a long, good, good-bye. Or least, as good as good-bye's can be. Thank You for not taking them from me suddenly, giving me time to process their impending physical absence in my life. Thank You for letting me tie up lose ends with Grandma--and know--really know--without a shadow of a doubt--that we have truly loved and admired each other. For letting me know that she loved me and appreciated me, and letting me know that SHE knows that I have loved and appreciated her--and always will. Thank You for the PEACE I'm feeling today, and the peace You've bestowed upon me, even in their absence. For watching over all of my family and friends and blessing us all so abundantly--thank You, Lord, for it all!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Don't forget to tell those you love that you love 'em, and be sincerely thankful not just today, but every day! No matter what, all of us do have so much to be thankful for!

God Bless Us Everyone!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)