"You Miss 100% of the Shots You Never Take," I have to move & Hugh.....

That was the inspirational quote in my daily quotes emails today and it's so true. I'm quite torn over moving, and I'm quite sad about leaving behind a great freindship with good benefits. Meaning Hugh. But, I'm SO glad I've had him, met him and been with him. It's SO much better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. Had I not met him, my life would be completely and totally different. Certain things probably wouldn't work as they do now (thank you Hugh), I woudln't know this much about myself and my goals and dreams and I wouldn't have had the pleasure of being in a loving, committed realtionship. I took a shot, and I won big time. And the next shot I take, I'll win again, and if I don't, hey, at least I tried. Because it's true, you do miss 100% of the shots you never take. And so, I need to move. I HAVE to, I WANT to, it's TIME to. However, leaving behind my mother, a good friend and the security of the apartment I've lived in for almost two years. Actually, this very apartment has NEVER been secure, at least once a week my mother has come to me crying and said "we're moving back to Reno," or "I can't take this anymore, we're outta here." Or, better yet, I'VE gone to her and said I was leaving. Okay, so scratch the "secure apartment" thing. Nothing in life in secure, and nothing is forever. I had a long talk last night with Hugh and it was the BEST conversation we've had in probably over a year! We didn't fight, or yell or accuse, we put down our walls and decided that remaining friends, but not seeing eachother, was best. We are SO different, and when I asked him what he learned from this whole relationship with me, he said "a learning experience." TA-DA! He finally got it!!! That's really ALL I've ever wanted anyone to say after I part ways with them. He is still one of my best friends, and my only friend here in Vegas, literally, him and my mother are my ONLY friends and I've been here a year and a half. Sad isn't it. I don't know, Vegas is a totally different breed of people and it's so incredibly artificial here. That's partly why I want to go. Anyhow, I asked Hugh if he'd ever wanted to marry me, even at one point, a year ago or so, and he said "yeah, at one point, not now." You know, most women would take total offense to that, but I loved it. From day one with him I said "this is NOT forever, "forever," is NOT a word in my family and it's not something I consider because you just don't know and it's not real. I don't make promises I can't keep and forever isn't something I'm willing to embark on." For the longest time, he didn't understand that, he kept fighting me asking why, but I just stuck to it. He finally got it last night. We wished eachother well and he said "you'll find someone a lot sooner Sarah because you're too cute to pass up." How incredibly sweet is that? "whatever guy gets you is gonna be one lucky man." How endearing can you get! We, Hugh and I, talked for two hours and laughed and reminiced and were totally honest and flirted and just had the best conversation ever. It was so nice. It was like when we first met 21 months ago. It's funny how we always end up where we started. Hugh and I are not getting back together, but it's nice to be able to be friendly and talk and look at this whole crazy thing like mature adults. Finally! He even admitted I need to move b/c of my health, also b/c when I do, maybe he'll get it. He'll get what HE needs to fix in his life. I think so too. I will also. Cuz there's a lot I NEED to fix in my own life. We ALL have lots of crap to clean up and get through, it never freakin' ends! LOL! Anyhow, I woke up this morning with the biggest smile on my face and the most peaceful feeling. I now know that I CAN move, I NEED to move and that leaving mom and Hugh is okay. I love them, and they love me, enough to let eachother go. And that's what true and real love is all about, loving someone enough to let them go. Hard as it is, heartbreaking, trying, sad, difficult, but that's the way it goes. I also established with Hugh that now when we talk, it's not "We," it's "I." I'm quite selfish, so admittedly, I've always used "I," when I talk about the future, it's part selfish, it's part reality. The only person I can take fix, change or take care of is ME. I think if more people understood that the world would be a better place. Anyhow, I got to thinking that "We" means "With Eachother," pretty cool hunh? When Hugh asked me five words to describe our relationship I said "fun, educational, trying, different and sensual." He agreed with that. He actually agreed with something I said-what a concept. It's NOT all him, it's me too. We agreed on that too, we were totally honest with eachother in what we need to do differently with our future partners and what we need to keep the same. It's a really lovely, sweet, amazing thing actually, we started out as friends, we've ended up as friends. And he IS the most loyal friend I've ever had. And I always will remember, respect and appreciate that. I have so much more I want to say, but I need to go run some errands. So, I'll write again as soon as I possibly can. Bye for now!

Many Blessings,
SL