Less Stuff, More Experience: the experience of food, sex & spending money wisely.

I was reading an article the other day that talked about how more people are choosing to spend their money on experiences, rather than things.

Don't get me wrong, I like things--I wish I could say I'm so spiritual that I have no need--or desire--for material things, but then I'd be lying.

I walked around my room the other night and picked up the ten or so "things" that meant the most to me, it was rather easy to do. Last night, as I crawled into bed, I was looking around thinking "I have SO MUCH stuff."

I think life is about balance--I have some very treasured things, things that I wouldn't want to part with, probably ever. But, most of my things are just that--things. And I was never really into spending money on things. (Most of my things were bought for me or given to me as gifts.)

That's why I found that article so interesting, people are wanting more experiences, instead of more things.

I guess that's why women spend so much money on manicures, pedicures, hair cuts and so on. I was never one of them. To me, I can do my own nails and don't care for tanning--I don't want skin cancer, thanks. I did get my hair cut a few weeks ago, but I did it at the local beauty school and paid $19 total--including shampoo/condition treatment/cut/blow-dry/style AND tip. I may sound like a cheapskate with that sentence, but I don't care. I cannot cut my own hair, so two or three times a year, I do pay to have that done. But, it's not an experience I particularly ENJOY. For me, getting in the car and driving there and waiting and sitting and all that--oy ve, I'd rather be writing, working, sleeping or cooking.

I know, I'm weird like that, but the bulk of my money is spent on food. Not because it HAS to be spent that way, but because I love the experience of food and cooking.

I will drop $12 on a good bottle of Olive Oil before I'll drop $20 on a manicure. Okay, I don't spend $12 on EVERY bottle of Olive Oil, I'm just saying that for me, I prefer to spend my money on the experience of food.

Eating isn't just a necessity for me, it's one of my greatest luxuries. That's not say I plop down hundreds a month on the food that I eat--both out and at home, I'm actually a savvy grocery shopper, I know how to get great food for not a lot of money, mostly because I know how to prepare it well. I don't have hundreds of dollars a month for any one thing, anyway. But, if I have to eat to stay alive, then I might as well be enjoying what I'm eating. If it doesn't taste good in my mouth, tantilize my senses, conjure up a special memory or make smile wide; chances are, I probably won't eat it.

Yes, I'm a foodie, anyone who knows me knows that. I'm not a picky eater, but I am a food snob. I LOVE FRESH, QUALITY food, it's one of my greatest pleasures in life.

I come from "that" family that got up in the morning thinking about dinner that night. I kid you not. That was us--and it still is. We're a little obsessed with food, but it's also a passion we ALL share, so that makes it a really good thing!

I have to admit, I don't enjoy cooking as much as I used to. It's work, especially when you're only cooking for one. (It's rare that Colin and I eat meals together, or that he likes what I make anyway, which is a shame, because I'm a great cook, but anyway, I've stopped fighting it (and him) and just accept that part of our marriage.) There are days when I truly do NOT want to cook and am GLAD I don't HAVE to. I understand why most women (that I know) in their 50s and 60s don't cook a lot anymore, because they spent literally decades prior to that doing it all day long!

I used to look at people who don't like to cook and think "how could you NOT like to cook?", I get it now. But, what I've also found is cooking is a lot like sex--(food is very sensual); at the beginning of a meal, you may not be in the mood to fix it. You may think you're too tired to chop, sautee, grill and care for the food with love. But, I swear, every time I get about halfway through the actual cooking of the meal, I think "Wow! This is so much fun, I'm really enjoying this." And then, when the meal is cooked and served and I sit down to finally eat it--oh I enjoy it even more! I am most always delighted with my efforts, proud of them and glad I made the effort. If cooking is like sex, the actual meal is like the orgasm! And hey, aren't orgasms always worth the effort?!

Good sex, too, is an experience. And most of the time, it's free! I know financial stress can put a damper on the desire for sex, but there's a reason poor people have so many kids--nothin' else to do. And sex is a great experience--well, it can be. I also see couples investing in their sex lives too--spending a bit more on special lubes or lingerie and stuff like that. Sex is pretty much the ultimate experience and although it may not be "sky, rockets & flights," every time; most of us are always glad we did it, once we're dong having it. See, a lot like cooking.

Okay, I've gone off topic, but my point is, I have no problem paying for a meal--whether it's a meal out with a loved one, or a the ingredients to make a meal. Because for me, cooking the food that leads to mealtime is an EXPERIENCE.

Lord knows I do NOT need more stuff, but I think all of us would like more experiences.

Whether those experiences involve food, beauty treatments, a vacation, an exceptionally delicious cup of coffee that we just can't make at home, a fabulous new book we've been yearning to read (and don't want a time limit on so we actually go out and buy it--please, support authors, by the way--it's hard to make a living as a writer) a movie in an actual theater with popcorn and everything (that's an expensive experience these days!), or a tricked out party with friends.

I agree with the article, I would much rather spend my money on those experiences than on more stuff that I usually end up forgetting I have anyway.

I know the best things in life free....

A smile, a fresh picked flower, a sunset, a conversation with a friend, being able to run barefoot through the grass in summertime or catching snow on your tongue in wintertime, laughter, love and joy--yes, all of this is free--but I think the latter three often stem from good experiences that are truly rich in their manner.

I don't think it's even a matter of spending less. Yes, I know the importance of, and live by, a budget. I'm not saying cast caution to the wind and go hog wild with your money--I think what this article inspired me to do was be more MINDFUL of just what I spend my money on. I think that's the general idea; not necessarily spending less money, but getting more VALUE for the money you do spend.

It's like that old saying "it's worth the price of admission and then some." That's what this article was saying; what experiences are worth what they cost to have?

What is "worth the price of admission" for you?

For me, it's obviously mealtime and food, for you, it may something different.

I think it's something we could all do a little more of: lean more towards having meaningful experiences rather than collecting more stuff.

My goal this week is enjoy the EXPERIENCE of LIVING--instead of focusing on "stuff" I can't afford to buy--and probably don't need anyway.

Thank You, Lord, for so many enriching experiences in my life!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

My thoughts on Infertility

My favorite blogger, Alisa Bowman wrote a post about infertility today. You can find that post here.

I wrote a comment on the post and I felt compelled to share it with you, here it is:

While I go back and forth on whether or not I really want to have children, I can say that infertility is devastating. Even if it’s something you know about WAY ahead of time, it just goes against our nature.

We are made to create life–I’m not saying we HAVE to do that, or that our lives are completely meaningless if we don’t. In fact, I think a lot of people should NOT have (had) children. And I think the decision to remain child-free, for some couples, in more self-LESS, than selfish. I think if you and your partner KNOWS that you cannot handle parenthood, than it wouldn’t be fair to you, or the child, to do that.

HOWEVER, I think for MOST women, at SOME point in their lives–even if it’s just for a few days–WANT to create life and birth a child. I’m not saying women want to go through labor, but the desire and inclination to create a life and give birth to it is absolutely a part of our make-up. We’re animals on some level, and ALL animals have a desire to re-produce–it’s natural and normal, no spieces has ever survived without pro-creation.

That’s why I think infertility is so devestating, because for me, it wipes away a piece of your entire identity. (Like Dr. Marc said). Even if you don’t WANT children, knowing YOU have the OPTION, and YOU get to decide that–it’s pretty huge.

I do think people can have fabulous, wonderful, meaningful lives without ever having children at all–I know quite a few people who have done that–and I don’t need to have a child be complete–that being said, when the God-given right to bare children is not there anymore, it just messes with your head a bit.

I think it hits women worse because we’re made to do just that–literally–our bodies were MADE to be pregnant and give birth–and men often feel like less of a man if they can’t create a baby with their wives. BUT, what I don’t understand is people spending SO MANY YEARS and SO MUCH MONEY on attempting to get pregnant–the kids cost a ton when they come OUT–just saying. I really shouldn’t judge, but kids are TOUGH. Any parent out there will tell you that although it’s totally worth it–being a parent is THE hardest thing in the world. It’s taxing on time, money, energy, everything–not in a negative way, but it’s just, it is. I think the kids are worth it in every way, but most people I know that didn’t have kids, don’t regret not having them. And yes, most parents would have their kids again and again and again, I know that too. I just think that although infertility is completely un-fair, there is a lot to learn from it too.

I think one of the reasons infertility is so devastating is because SOCIETY SAYS we MUST have kids. I don’t care how many strides women have made, if a woman chooses not to have a child, “something’s wrong,” you know? Like I said, sometimes it’s more selfish to have a child than to not have one. And sometimes, people have kids for the wrong reasons–Alisa wrote a post about that last year and it was so true.

My point is, I’m 26 and most of my friends have kids or have had a scare or are PLANNING on having kids someday. There’s a TON of pressure out there to have kids. I think that makes infertility harder–I wonder sometimes, is it really a problem society projects onto us, or a solo one?

As hard as infertility is, I wish people would realize that although having children IS fantastic, there ARE so MANY, MANY ways to be a part of child’s life without having your very own. You can be a fantastic Auntie, Uncle, God-parent, Nanny, volunteer with children, lead a Youth Group (either @ church or @ Boys & Girls Club).

I understand the yearning for children of your own, but at some point, you have to realize that everything happens for a reason and just because you don’t/can’t have children, doesn’t mean you cease to exist as a human being.

You may be missing an innate ability, and it may suck for a while, but often times things are ten times harder than they have to be simply because we refuse to accept things the way they are.

Fertile or infertile–each of us is worthy, special and deserving of happiness. We cannot lose ourselves so much in ONE person or ONE situation (infertility) that we forget to do our best to enjoy the journey.

Sorry for the ramble, that’s just how I feel.

Thank You, Lord, for all of the beautiful and amazing children in my life--each of whom, is a gift, even though they're not my own.

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz