Earth Day, Marriage & Other Thoughts!

Colin asked me yesterday whether or not I share EVERYTHING on these blogs that I post. And I said, of course not! I would never share anything that I don't want EVERYONE to read...that's just stupid. I don't for a second think that I'm annonymous on this World Wide Web, no one is. And yes, I'm entirely dependent on the Internet, and I like sharing my life a little bit! I won't ever share everything, but, I also don't have much to hide! These blogs I post, they're theraputic, and after I write them, I almsot always feel lighter and more peaceful! Not becuase they're perfect or well-written (sometiems they are!), but because they're mine! (My mother, incidentally, still doesn't understand the concept of a blog, but alas, I love her anyway!) Blogs: they're a journal of my thoughts, views, opinions and happenings! And I'm proud of that. I'm not that unique and what I'm going through right now, a lot of other people are too! But, it makes me happy to go back and read these blogs from years ago, even my personal, non-published, journals from years ago. They make me laugh and they make me cry, and they make me realize how very much things change, and then again, how some things will never change! (And I like that feeling!) These blogs; they're my past, my present and my future all rolled into one, and I like having a record of all of it! So, here's to me and my blogs, not to be overly-egotisical or indulgent, but I do think that I have something to say and something to offer the world. Someday, I'll sit down and write an ACTUAL book like EVERYONE'S been begging me to do for years, until then, my blogs will have to do! Thank you all for your support! Lord, you know what I'm going to say here, please continue to bless it all, and thanks for absolutely everything!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

From MySpace.com

Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Earth Day & Marriage....
Marriage is on my mind....probably because I'm getting married next March! But, seriously, marriage has been on my mind A LOT lately!!! Sure, I'm having lots of fun wedding planning and being engaged and all of that...it's surely exciting, but in the end, what I'll end up are three things....myself, Colin and our marriage! I go back and forth between the excitement of wedding planning and the moments of "I don't care," about the wedding...a great wedding does not ensure a great marriage....and sometimes, all of this planning and calculating for ONE SINGLE DAY...seems a bit odd. Granted, it's a very special day and I'm all about celebration and family and friends and a good time! I'm all about being the co-star for a day and having the attention, I absolutely love it, I won't lie....but....after the wedding day, the honeymoon and the presents being opened, what Colin and I will ultimately have is a marriage! I'm not scared of it anymore, I'm really not. The closer I get to being married, the more comfortable I am with it and the more I like it! I'm excited about BEING married, I truthfully am! We talked a lot about that this past weekend with him having 5 days off...oh, it was absolutely lovely! We talked, cooked, hung out, it was great! I thoroughly enjoyed it, hanging out together and just enjoying each other! Fantastic! I asked him if it has occured to HIM that he's actually going to be a HUSBAND...not a boyfriend or a fiancee', but a husband...he said "yeah, I guess." I know most people don't think things through like I do, and most men don't think things through like women do, in general...but seriously...HUSBAND, is a bit more serious than boyfriend. Colin told me a long time ago, long before we were ever engaged, that he liked "the girlfriend thing," he liked having a friend and a buddy...and I love that. It's one of the sweetest things he's ever said and something I'll always remember. I wonder if he'll like the "husband thing," just as much? I hope so! The wife thing, I'm learning, is much easier and much more complicated than I ever thought, and I'm not even a real wife yet!!! LOL! The husband-wife relationship is intricately complicated, wonderous and beautiful all in one....the role of husband and/or wife is that of many hats.....it's not a title I ever want either of us to take lightly. You can't take yourself or your life too seriously, nor your marriage, but it's not to be taken lightly either. I mean, think about it...hopefully, you only have ONE husband or wife...and even if you ended up with 2 or 3 (and that WON'T be me) over a life time...that's still heavy. Having a commited relationship can be quite difficutl and very challenging...it forces you out of yourself and yearns for balance. The hardest thing I think so far, is striking the balance between being a husband/wife and being EVERYTHING else we are TO everyone else! It's amazing the conundrum brings sometimes. As women, we often want to be everything to everyone, and I feel guilty sometimes when I put my friends, or my mother, aside for Colin....and then, I feel guilty soemtimes when I put Colin aside for my mother and friends. It's been said that your spouse should come first and foremost before anyone, and to a point, I agree...but also, how un-healthy and narrowing is that at the same time? Honestly. I don't know. Anyway, I've been thinking lately abouit the changes that moving out and getting married bring.....and I think in a lot of ways, Colin's life...or a man's life, changes more than a woman's. Granted, I've chaged some things in my life and changed some perspectives and viewpoints, but....I'm still close with my friends and family and do my own thing a lot....but I will tell you this......I did make a concious decision this past weekend try and just BE with Colin while he was off.I tried to stay off the phone and be completely available to him. But, now he's back at work and I can do my own thing again...and it feels nice! Just for the record, he has NEVER once said I couldn't do my own darn thing whenever I darn well please! LOL! I love that about him! But, I also know that he appreciates my making myself available to him, giving him something to miss is important, but being with him is important too. We're best friends and we enjoy being together, and that is not at all a bad thing, it's a fantastic thing, it's a glorious, wonderful thing! I still enjoy my time on my own, I always will, as does he, but itw as really nice to be able to just hang out together for days at at time! Anyway....we went out with some of his buddies on Sunday night and Colin is always a sweetheart and a gentleman when he and I go out with his buddies, I love it! But as I watched my fiancee' be around his buddies, with them drinking and him not...them going off to a club and him taking me home....I felt kind of sad for him. (Hey, at least he didn't have to worry about striking out with a girl! He knew he'd be going home with a beautiful woman--me!) His priorities are different now. His priorities and his life have changed. In large part, because of me. Granted, HE'S the one who asked me to get married....HE'S the one who's, for the most part, ALWAYS wanted to be married! And HE'S the one who I tried like hell to scare off the first few months of our relationship! LOL! Sorry, but I did, I'm just being honest.I don't even think I did it conciously, but I did. I'm SO GLAD, GRATEFUL and HAPPY he didn't run! (I finally now know and believe, in my heart of hearts, that Colin and I will never leave each other, we're in this for the long haul, no matter what, and THAT alone is why we're getting married)....but anyway....I've kind of had time to adjust to the idea of marriage...and so has Colin, I guess. And to my knowledge, Colin was never a big club-goer or heavy drinker to begin with....he partied a little in his day, but probably not more than the average guy. But, still, you know...he's got me now, a home, bills, a car, a heavier job with more responsibilities....so in all reality, HIS life is changing TOO...it's changing massively and I honestly don't think I realized that until this weekend. How odd, and how sad. It's made me want to be a little easier on him, a little kinder....not so bitchy. Not that I'll baby him or anything, but lo and behold, I'm NOT that ONLY one going through changes right now! Why that didn't occur to me, I have no idea! I know that all of the changes we're both experiencing are normal, natural and healthy ones that we want and are embracing to the fulleest! But, still, marriage DOES change things...it changes who you are, it changes your view of life! For me, it's changed my view of my own mortality and the mortality of those around me. It's changed my view of my parents and my relationship with all of them, whether they raised me or not. And it's changed my relationship with myself and even, my relationship with God. It's wierd sometimes. It's fantastic and wonderful and exciting and sad all at once! The benefits far outweight the negatives...and on this Earth Day, I'm reminded of the sheer blessing I've been given....I've been given the chance to tread on this earth and experience all of its glory with a wonderful man by my side. I've been given the chance to marry the man of my choice, because I love and adore him! And that's pretty special. I would hate to end up that woman who gets so wrapped up in her wedding and/or husband that she forgets the people and world around her, outside of her marriage, but it's okay to embrace it too! And I'm just now realizing that! It's okay to have BOTH...and despite the complicated pain in the ass that relationships/marriage can be...'cause let's be honest, it can be and often is...in the long run, I think it's much easier to go through this life with a PARTNER and a FRIEND! I I quite like it, actually, I like it a lot! So, those are my thoughts for today! I hope I've inspired someone out there to think beyond themselves...it's a requirement in marriage, and also, a requirement as a responsible human being. God Bless us all!
In N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :) LIght
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Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
Happy Earth Day!!!!
Happy Earth Day, everyone! It is a day to celebrate this beautiful, amazing and miraculous planet we inhabit! It's also a day to reflect on how heavily (or how lightly) we tread upon it! "Going green," is in...and I'm into it--for the most part! I don't have the money or resources that SO many millionaire celebs have, but here is what I personally do to try and tread a little lighter on this great big planet of ours:
I RECYLCE:
Colin and I are proud users of our local recycling program. We recycle plastic bottles, aluminum, paper, newspapers & magazines!
I SWITCHED OUT 3 BEAUTY PRODUCTS:
I switched from regular toothepaste with Sodium Lauryl Sulfates in it to Trader Joe's' Natural Toothepaste, at first, it was a bit odd, but now, I absolutely love it and have actually come to dis-like the taste of other toothepastes! At night time, I use a wonderful paraben-free, all natural & organic oil-free moisturizer at night frrom Beauty Without Cruelty (BWC). And I've been a proud and loyal user of Bare Minerals Makeup for almost 6 years now, so there are no preservatives in my foundation! Oh and occasionally, once a summer, I splurge on chemical free sunscreen which comes in a bio-degradable container! My new "green," goal is to start using more earth-friendly products!
I BUY ORGANIC WHEN I CAN AFFORD IT:
I particularly love organic COFFEE, it just tastes cleaner and more vibrant to me! I love organic fruit, especially berries. I eat organic pasta, nuts and granola bars when I find them on sale! Oh, and I eat organic and/or cage-free chicken and/or eggs when I find them! Oh, and Colin and I have tried organic wine too, it's yummy!
I SWITCHED 7 LIGHTBULBS IN MY HOME:
Colin and I bought those funny looking energy efficient ones when we first moved into our home! We now have 7 of them, total! Energy efficient or not, I ALWAYS turn the lights off if/when I'm not in the room or using them!
I ONLY RUN MY DISHWASHER WHEN IT'S FULL & ONLY DO FULL LOADS OF LAUNDRY:
This way, I'm not wasting un-necessary water!
I RE-USE PLASTIC BAGS AND ASK FOR RECYCLED PAPER BAGS WHILE AT THE GROCERY STORE:
Okay, I know regular grocery store plastic bags are becoming banned in some cities, like San Francisco...but I still use them. Granted, I use and re-use them, they get a few uses throughout my home before they're thrown away. But, lately, I've been trying to remember to ask for PAPER bags at the store, re-use those, and then put them in the paper recyling bin when I'm done with them!
I HAVE 4 RE-USABLE COFFEE MUGS for on the GO!
What do I need to start doing to do my part even more? I need to buy at least 4 or 5 re-usable cloth grocery bags! I need to start buying recyled paper to write on. I need to drink organic juices, they're tastier anyway! I need to use more earth-friendly beauty products. I said that already, sorry! I'd like to buy oragnic cotton items such as t-shirts, sheets and bags! Those are my new go-green goals! What do you think, sounds pretty good, hunh?! I'd also like to get a Hybrid car in the future or some other more fuel-efficient vechicle!
That all being said, there are many more ways I could be helping the earth and treading lighter. But, hopefully, I think, I'm off to a good start! One of the things that attracted me to Colin is that he cares about the environment too, and we've both agreed that when we eventually build/or buy our first home, we're going to make it as green as possible! It's something we both believe in and are passionate about!
Once again, that being said, even I am getting a bit sick and tired of all the "go-green," crap!
I believe in doing your part, I believe in trying to make the earth a little better and a use a little less...but come on....we all have to LIVE too, you know!
We're all going to use and consume and that's a fact of life!
A lot of people I know couldn't care LESS about the earth or environmentalism and I find that incredibly sad! Actually, it's devastating! We're all in this together and the way we're using and consuming, it's just ridiculous!
The saddest and most insane part of it all is that it's MY GENERATION that is being FORCED to FIX IT!!! Our parents and grandparents, God love and bless them all, didn't think TWICE...okay, perhaps our parents did in the 70s, but still...they didn't think this through at all...so now, me, Colin and our future children are being left with the grim and almost impossible responsibility of reversing the damage!
My generation, and those on both ends of it actually, cannot afford to be careless...we don't have the luxary of not caring...we've not been afforded the mindless usage that our ancestors were.
And that kind of sucks. But, hey, at least we're catching on and a lot of people, thank God, are catching up. And I do LIKE doing what I can to help save the planet. Although there's a little part of me that thinks it's sometimes beyond repair, hey, if I can do my part, even a tiny part, I'm happy to do it! But, still, I'm tired of EVERYTHING now a days is "green, green, green..." "don't use this, don't do that, this is bad, etc, etc, etc,"
How about this? All of these hotels in Vegas and these big businesses that just keep building and building and building and families that keep having chidlren upon children upon chidlren (and I'm not talking 4 or 5)...how about THEM....what are THEY doing to help make a difference? What, if anything, are THEY doing to reduce THEIR waste and consumption? It can't be left up to use "little" people entirely? EVERYONE HAS TO DO THEIR PART...from the rich and the poor to the old and the young! The amount of waste and garbage is atrocious! But, we're all here, and we might as well make the best of it that we can! So, I'll try and waste a little less, recycle a little more and pray to God that He realizes that most of us are doing what we can to protect and ensure His awesome creation! God Bless this Earth and every human being and living thing on it!
Happy Earth Day!
In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

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Monday, April 21, 2008
Relaxing Day!
I had a nice relaxing day with Colin, it's his last day of vacation :(, but it'll be okay, I'll still see him....we just hung out at home and relaxed and I took a 2 hour nap on the couch with him, I loved that. I also got to talk to Tessa today, finally, one of her friends' mother died today, so that was sad to hear about, but death is a part of life, I told her I'd pray for his family. That is sad. Coln is imitating me typing this blog right now because I'm doing it completely without looking at what I'm typing, and just staring at him..we've shared a lot of of nice gazes today..you know that sappy, in-love, special gaze you share with your partner, the one tha tneeds no words or explanation, you just look at each other and know and feel the love you have between the two of you! It's awesome! Anyway, I talked to my mom and grandma also, that was nice, I talk to them everyday! It's been a lovely day, it was almost hot, but that was okay, I enjoyed my nap and Colin's going to make us a pizza in a few minutes, so I'm looking foward to that! Tomrorow, I'm just going to relax and veg in front of the TV, it'll be nice! I know, such lofty goals, but still, I'm entitled occasionally! Hello out there to tall of my MySpace friends, hope you're doing well! I am! The wedding plannign is going well and we should probably call Colin's mom and grama tonight, I'd like to talk to them...random thoughts popping in my head, still not looking at what I'm typing here..it'll be interesting to see how many typos there are! LOL! Anyway, thank you Lord for a beautiful April 21st, please continue to bless it all, as always! you rock!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)
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Sunday, April 20, 2008
Not sure what to title this?? :)
Well, I'm typing this at a funny angle because Nellie (my cat) is a asleep on my lap and Colin's foot is across my leg! I'm on a laptop at the moment! LOL! Anyway, today is April 20th and the first thing that comes to mind is 9 years ago today...Columbine happened. In Littleton, Colorado, what, 13 people were shot and killed by two young stupid kids. What a tragedy. I was a Freshmen in High School back then and I was home sick with food posining and I was just in shock.To think about it today still saddens me. It just makes no sense. Since then, more school shootings have happened than I care to think about...inlcuding Virginia Tech University just last year, where 32 kids were shot and killed by a mad gumman. In my own town, Las Vegas, in the last few months, there's been a lot of school scares...and even 1 or 2 actual shootings near school property, it's just so sad and dumb. When I think of things like this, it makes me NOT want to have children....to send your kid to school one day and then they don't come home because they were shot and killed AT school....that's just beyond comprehension for me. Honestly, the idea of losing my child (and I don't even have one yet) just...oh, it makes me not want to have them at all. But...man, lately...I really do want a baby. I can't help it. I'm totally happy with my life and I love my time with my Colin and myself and everything, but that clock is definately making itself known. I'm only 24 so I'm really young and have many years to do the mom thing, and you know, if it never happened, it WOULD be okay. The world is so harsh and crazy and expensive now a days....but, then again, when has humanity ever made much sense? Human beings, we are intricate creatures...we're lovely, amazing, beautiful, miraculous and sometimes, even living, walking, breathing angels in disguise. But, we're also pure hell; mad, angry, evil, coniving, berating, hypocritical, stupid morons who commit horrible acts of un-kindness and blatant grievances against one another. It's a shame, really. But, I do believe that most babies are brought into this world with love and kindness and knowing good and true things. To me, despite the craizness of the world and the ugliness of humanity, having a baby would somehow make it just. My time here on earth would have more meaning and more purpose if I was a mom. Not that people who don't have children are meaningless...they're not. Children aren't for everyone and there's a lot of people out there who shouldn't have kids. It's hard and tough and certainly unilke anything else out there. So I hear, not that I would actually know. But I think children bring a joy and a sense of fun and love unilke anything else on this earth! I think they take you out of yourself better than anything else. And I need that sometimes. Anyway...enough of that, if I'm meant to be a mom, I will be, if not, my life is still precious and meanignful. So, I've been hanging out with my Colin for going on four days straight now and I'm loving it! We've not wanted to smack each other so far! LOL! J/K! No, seriously, I'm loving have him home and hanging out with him, he's my best bud! Yesterday, he was so sweet, he said "I'm glad I moved in with you, I think we would've made it no matter what." He's sharing his sour gummy lifesavers with me right now, how sweet! Thanks babe! Anyway, then yesterday I told him "you're one of my best friends," he said "you're mine too, why do you think I asked you marry me?" How incredibly nice is that?~ I'm so blessed. Being a wife no longer scares the crap out of me...it's fun....it's nuts sometimes, and I've realized that at times...you can't be husband/wife...you have to just be best friends...or be grounding to one another and remind each other of what's real...or be extra gentle and almost parental....and other times...you have to give each other the benefit of the doubt and take a moment of time out...the role(s) of wife (and husband) are so all-encompassing...you're friends, lovers, advisaries, sometimes enemies (well, not actual enemies, but you know what I mean), confidants, cheerleaders, comforters, chefs, massuers, housekeepers, errand-runner, secretary, professional shopper, chauffer, hand-holder, secret-keeper, angel and flawed human being...all in ONE...the closer I get to marriage the more I realize why it's kind of important to be married (or at least live with your partner and share life together in a marriage-like situation) BEFORE you have children. Life is intricate, intriguing, crazy, complicated and beautiful all in one! It's a beautiful day outside and I'm thankful that I'm able to spend this beautiful Sunday with my fiancee! I just love Sundays, it's always been m y favorite day of the week! We're watching the Laker Game right now, so Colin's happy, and I am too!!! Later, we're going to BBQ outside, that's be fun too! We went grocery shopping this morning, picked out some wedding gifts at the outlet mall yesterday and watched a movie, it was fun! Sometimes I feel bad that I have so much and am so blessed when there are so many problems in the world..it seems unfair that I have this happy, relatively, easy little, peaceful, free life...when SO many billions of others can't say that...but you know, I believe life is short and I believe that God wanted us to be happy and have peace...not every single moment of life, but overall, yes, I believe it's totally okay to take your happiness, grab it, embrace it and run with it!!! So, that's what I'm choosing to do. Having Colin, my partner, my friend, and the rest of my wonderful family and friends...they add so much happiness to my life...I feel settled...well, not totally....but...more settled and more content...I think being engaged and being married...it's fitting. It's suiting me and I like it! Being engaged is SO much FUN...we're totally in love and happy and all cuddly and everything, it's so cute and sweet...okay, perhaps sickening and pathetic at times, but damn it, it's normal!!! This is NORMAL and it's FANTASTIC! It's not easy or perfect....being engaged and looking at marriage requires so much more ACCEPTANCE and PATIENCE then I would've ever imagined! The power of forgiveness and acceptance and DAILY (sometimes momentary) patience is beyond describable, but their payoffs are astounding!!! Overall, I'm just happy....I'm totally enjoying my time with Colin and I'm ooking foward to everything.....even just being plain ol' married and no longer engaged....but hey, while we are engaged...I'm going to live it up and enjoy it..'cuz I'll only experience this once!!! That's what else I'm learning lately...the best parts of life, the best moments...they only happen ONCE!!! So you've got to enjoy them! That being said, the sheer amount of planning that goes into planning a WEDDING...like ONE DAY....out of your whole lives...that takes SO MUCH planning...checking, balancing, compromising, number-crunching, MATH (yes, you use a lot of math during wedding planning, I had no idea!), etc...it's exhausting and maddening and awesome....and truthfully I wouldn't trade it for the world! It's so much FUN!!! And I'm so excited! What happens when it's all said and done and the honeymoon trip itself is over andt he presents are unwrapped and the thank you cards are sent out....well, then we get to just be married and hang out and experience this thing called life TOGETHER...for the rest of our lives...we get to jump in, hang on tight and go...and that alone is reason enough to get out of bed every morning! I love you baby, thank you for choosing me to be your wife, I hope it's a choice you're always happy with! Truth be known, it's probably the best darn thing you'll ever do!!! (That and be a daddy!). Seriously, though, love you, babe, thanks for all the fun lately! That being said, I miss my girlfriends, haven't talked to Tessa or Claudia lately and I miss them. I sure hope they're doing well, having fun and enjoying life like I am! Love you, ladies! Okay, time to go, it's time for lunch...oh, one more thing, I made DELICIOUS fried chicken the other night, my very first time making it, it was so yummy and moist and oh so good!! Colin ate two peices and I even had some...vegetarian not so much anymore...no, I still am...most of the time anyway!! Hey, I don't have to apologize for eating a chicken leg or two once or twice a year....it didn't even make me sick! I'm feeling a lot less apologetic lately....becoming more secure in myself...I don't really care what most people think and even with Colin...I don't apologize for everything anymore and I like that...he never said I should and I shouldn't have to. Although, honestly, knowing how and when to sincerely admit and apologize in a marriage, it's so vitally important! Anyway, time for lunch, see, I was right when I said I didn't know what to call this entry...a bit of everything...thank you Lord for it all...this life, this man, this home, this mom...everything...please bless all of it for always!
In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)