Paying Ones Self First & Relationship Advice

The most popular New Year's Resolutions are losing weight and getting out of debt. Earlier this week, I posted my own NYE Resolutions, one of which was getting out of debt, or at least partially. So, when I got home this afternoon and saw this article (the link for the day) I was happily suprised! I can't afford to pay myself diddly squat, however, I pay myself in other ways....like with my first cup of coffee in the morning, stealing time to write or cook dinner or just take an extra long shower. I think in this world of busy go, go, go people often forget to pay themselves first in ways besides money. Being in a relationship, I've learned to be a lot less selfish, but at times, being selfish in necessary. If I don't give to myself, I'll have nothing left to give to anyone else. So I make time for myself, I carve out MY time--no TV, no phones, no one I don't want, nothing, just me. So many people have a hard time being alone with themselves, I don't. That comes from being an only child. I love being alone with myself, I don't want to be ALONE alone, as in single alone, and luckily, I'm not. But, being alone with myself at least a few hours a week is a good and necessary thing. I crave time alone. It's so important to learn how to be alone with yourself, without noise, phones, etc.....I'm so glad and proud that I can do that and be okay with it. Sometimes solitary silence is golden.

Speaking of alone time and relationships....

Colin and I were joking this morning that if he ever wanted privacy, money or peace and quiet again, he shouldn't have gotten a girlfriend. LOL! I said if I ever wanted time, peace and quiet or privacy, I should've never gotten a boyfriend. We both laughed. Now that I think about that, it's not so funny...that could be clue number one. But, all that means in that we need to re-assert ourselves as indivisuals, not just one another's boyfriend/girlfriend. I love Colin, and I adore being his girlfriend (I'm sure he'd say the same about me) but the relationships that I've seen work out the best are the ones where both people in the relationship are their own people. Couples need to be an extension of one another, not the end all and be all of one another. Sure, being a couple requires some sacrafices, but they're worth it. I don't mind giving up time or space, because I don't look at is as an obligation...I GET to spend time with him, I GET to cook a meal for him, I GET to be with him, I don't have to be, I GET to be. I can't and don't and hope to never look at him, or our relationship, as an obligation....if and when I do, I'm in trouble. I feel it's necessary to keep it new and exciting and keep thinking "I GET to be with him/her, I GET to hug and kiss and hold him/her," It's so important to look at it like that. We're both cool people, and both of us could go get most anyone we want(ed), it's important to keep that mind. Keep reminding each other why we picked each other, not necessarily every day, and not in ways that are overbearing or arrogant, but just, keeping in mind why/how we fell in love.

Anyway, I really do feel like it's a privilage to be with him, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way about me. Last night I said "I'm so lucky to have you, but you're also lucky to have me. We're one lucky couple." He said "of course baby, I know I'm lucky to have you, that's true." See, I knew I picked him for a reason! I think one of the keys of our relationship is that we're confidant in ourselves, we're not arrogant, we're sure of ourselves, which makes us sure of each other. All my friends the last few months said that I really know who I am, which is true...Colin knows that, and he knows who he is...and he'll still say one of the things he liked best about me to begin with is that I knew what I wanted in life, and love, and I had standards. I can carry on a conversation and all of those important. I'd say the same about him too!!! But really, keeping ME in mind, and sometimes first, actually makes me a better girlfriend and a better woman. Besides, when push comes to shove, I really will do most anything for those I truly love!

Anyway, about the space and alone time.....I've been good about giving Colin his space, although he says I've not invaded it, I'm not going to either. He's still a man, and he needs it, I need to give him something to miss...best way to keep a man interested? Don't be available 24/7...give him something to think about...something to miss. Men want what they can't have, and without sounding like a cold-hearted mind-game playing bitch because I HATE games, I hate playing games and one of my favorite things about both Colin and I is that from day one, there were NO games. I love that! But seriously, there's got to be some mystery and some elusiveness. I like that he loves me and I love him, and that we're best friends, but sometimes, space is good. We have each other, but we also have ourselves, and our friends and family too--and that's important.

Okay, I really didn't expect to give myself an analytical therapy session with this entry, but I guess that's where it ended up. I need to go rest and then clean my room! So, perhaps I'll write again later, and definately tomorrow!

Thank you Lord for everything! God Bless!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)