A Double Dose of Church, Painting the Town w/ My Mom, Autonomy & Good News in Vegas!

It's nearly 1:30am and I'm tired. I want to go to bed, but I have so much I want to write about.

At the very least, I wanted to come on here and say that I have had the best two weeks these last few weeks!

They haven't been perfect, but they've been pretty fabulous anyway, and a lot of that was just because I let go and let God--it's awesome! I'm calmer and more patient, and being less judgemental is helping a lot too. Like I said last entry, I have much more time and energy to enjoy life now because of all of that. (I always enjoyed life, but you know what I mean, I hope.)

Today, I went to two church services, my friend, Sarah's--and my own. Sarah, and her husband, Mike, were giving Talks at their church--Sarah spoke about the Healing Power of Christ (which I know all about, literally & figuritively, I've certainly experienced great emotional and physical healing in my own life) And Mike's talk was about the Power of Music, which I also know about. Sarah and Mike are such a wonderful couple and so good together--they did a great job with their talks and I was more than happy to support great friends!

Then, after that, I headed on over to my own church--had some breakfast in the cafe there and met up with my mom for Service. It was so neat! They talked about the Songs of Christmas and today it was all about Mary, Mother of Jesus. What an awesome story that is! One of my very favorite Christmas Songs is "Mary, Did You Know," and she did know--how powerful! A lovely, lovely service indeed!

Anyway, after a double dose of God, I figured it was up to me to take my mother out! I am a homebody, and I do get from my mom, but she takes it to a WHOLE new level! The LAST time my mom and I actually went out (besides to the movies or Target) was January 30th--folks, it's almost November 30th--so it was indeed time!

I took her to Town Square--which she did like, but since all the shops were outside and it wasn't even 50* outside, we decided to head down the Strip where the shops are INSIDE.

I can't say I blame her, neither one of us likes being cold--at all. Kinda one of the reasons we moved from Reno, but I digress--the cold followed us and I swear it gets colder and colder here very year!

ANYWAY....we went the Miracle Mile Shops @ Planet Hollywood and had so much fun! We stopped at Urban Outfitters, Aveda Natural Hair Care Shop, and looked at a lot of cool fashion, chunky jewelry--which for some reason, I am totally into lately! We didn't buy anything, but we had a lot of fun anyway!

My mom and I really don't get out that often and when we do, I really like being the "hostess" for her. We've lived her a while now and my mom literally almost lives in her bedroom--so once in a while, I have to drag her out of the house and show her how cool Vegas really is! Well, most of the time, it's cool!

I actually do love living here now, (I'm so glad I wasn't raised here though, no offense to Native Las Vegans, I'm just so glad and proud to be from Reno!). Vegas, though, it's a city like none other, that's for sure. It's got an energy and an excitement to it that I really enjoy--(I don't really drink or gamble or Vegas things like that, but I still like it anyway). Perhaps it's because I'm still in my 20s, but either way, when I'm in the mood--where I live is definitely the perfect place to "Paint the Town"!

I was proud to show my mom around, even though she's lived her longer than I have, I've gotten to really experience Vegas on all different levels. I'm so grateful for that!

Anyway, mom and I did have Pizza and Raspberry Gelato at The Paris Casino and it was really yummy! And pretty reasonably priced for food on the Strip (it can get expensive)--so I'll definitely have to remember that place. Normally, I don't like anyone's pizza but my own (you all know I'm a food snob), but this was really delicious!

Again, I got my mom on the Strip! That so rarely happens--actually, most of us locals don't go down there unless it's a special occasion or we have company in town.

Anyway, after all the Las Vegas Strip fun, we went to the Red Rock Casino to see the movie "Burlesque" and it was AWESOME! I mean, literally, awesome! Such a fun, high-energy, electrifying, sexy movie--something for everyone really! Being that my mom and I are huge musical fans, we thoroughly enjoyed it!

My mom and I do go to the movies about every four months, but like I said, other than that, we really don't go anywhere together--except to church. But, she was feeling kind of down yesterday and was worried about stuff (everything, really) and I felt like it was time for us to "paint the town" together, on a very tight budget, of course--we're not rich you know!

The truth is, it really didn't matter what we did today. Shoot, last week we went to my Meditation Group together and then got some Chinese Food. When she first got Sundays off I was a bit worried because I thought she'd be all up in my space. Sorry, I love her, but she's my mom and I'm a person who NEEDS my time alone (although I don't actually want to be alone, just have some time alone occasionally)--so I was concerned. But, it has turned out great! Even though we live together, I really don't see my mom except for Sundays. It's kind of nice that Sunday is our day to hang out together, and we always have a great time--regardless of what we do!

I love you, mom, thanks for another great Sunday with you! It's a privilage to be your daughter, friend and Vegas Hostess!

The truth is, since we found out about my Grandma having Alzhiemer's--my mom and I have kind of leaned on each other. We're both dealing with it in profoundly different ways, but we can be there for another right now, at a time when we both need each other. And that's a really nice a big blessing too!

Don't get me wrong, I am figuring out who I am apart from being their daughter, and grandaughter. I will always be happy to be, and proud to be, those things--to two incredible women! But, I am my own woman too, and I like the autonomy I'm finally acheiving in my life--it's so nice! It's great to have a loving relationship with my parents (mom, grandma) but to also know who I am too--seperate and apart from them--that's important too. That's their job too, as parents, to make me able to stand on my own two feet--or at least, think for myself l. I miss my grandma TERRIBLY, but I KNOW I will be okay and I WILL survive and go on without her. I certainly don't want to sometimes, but I CAN--and that's the whole point of autonomy.

I was reading a few articles in the newspaper this evening (that's what I did when I got home from the long day of church and fun!) about parents of people my age struggling with letting their children go. Letting their children be autonomous. I'm sure it would be hard to do that, I mean, I'm not a parent, but I can imagine it would be difficult to do that. However, it is necessary. The articles talked about how parents "hover" over their young adult children because it is THEY (the parents) who are really afraid of how THEY will handle the world and make THEIR way in it, aside from being a parent. I think that's true. The parent/child relationship is the deepest, more intrinsic and complicated relationship out there. I asked my mom about the articles and she said to some degree, that's true. Kind of neat, I guess--that my mom and I are recognizing how we feel about each other and what our individual roles play in our mother/daughter/friendship relationship.

I'm actually recognizing what my role plays in a lot of relationships in my life lately--autonomy doesn't only happen with parents, it can happen with spouses and friends too. Let's face it, there are TWO people in every single relationship we have--ourselves and the other person. We have to recognize our role in those relationships. Whether that relationship be parental, between syblings, friends or a marriage. We are all really only responsible for ourselves and the only person we MUST deal with, is ourselves. Autonomy is a good thing. It's not saying that we don't need each other, because we do. But so often when complications arise in relationships (again, regardless of their nature) it's because we've forgotten how to be autonomous of each other. We've forgotten to respect that we're two different individuals with different wants, and needs and opinions. And if we don't, or won't, voice them to each other, than there's bound to be conflict. At the end of the day though, we can only rely on ourselves. This is part of autonomy.

Wow, I didn't mean to go so deep in this post, but I guess I just felt moved to write that.

I know one thing--I will always be incredibly, tremendously blessed to have been born my mother's daughter. I know damn good and well that I would not be sitting here typing this without her. (My mother.)

But, as her mother has gotten ill and basically, gone away from us--I've realized the sheer and utter importance of blazing your own trail in life. Because the fact is, you can be as close as peas and carrots with your parents (or grandparents)--and thank God I am, but someday--God will take them home. And those parents (or grandparents) will not be here.

It is sad and terrifying and awful to even think of that, at least it is for me, but it's also true. It's just true. We're all going to die, someday, eventually, and it's that fact that makes our TIME with those we love, here and now, even more precious. It's that fact that makes me carve out time for my mom and I without a second thought.

I can, and do make my own decisions. I can and do have my own life--I work, I go to spiritual stuff on my own--I have my own friends, my own space in the apartment, my own car, way of cooking and cleaning and thinking. I have not become so much like my mother that I have melded into her completely--but I do like her. I do want to spend time with her. It's just a blessing that we both enjoy each other's company so much--most of the time--we're both blessed by that!

Anyway, my point is, we had a great time today and I know my mother needs me right now. That is the season of my life--and truth be told--I need her too. Do you ever stop needing your mother for one thing or the other? I don't think so. I know she needs her mother too, right now, but she (Grandma) isn't often accessible, and that breaks my heart. I cannot dictate how my mother reacts to HER mother's demise, but I can certainly spend time with my mother, and be there for her--as support system, an ear, and a shoulder to cry on. God knows she (my mom) has been mine many, many, many times.

Oh, I DID get to talk to my Grandma today!!! It was positively AWESOME--it really made my WHOLE week--sincerely! After the first church service this morning (after Sarah & Mike gave their talks) I got a feeling to call my grandma. I thought "I'll call her later" and all of the sudden, I felt this calm peace come over me and I knew I had to pick up the phone. So, I pulled over and dialed her number. I haven't talked to my grandma-since her birthday (Nov. 7th) really, so this was SUCH a wonderful, pleasant surprise for me!

She couldn't say much, as the multiple strokes have left her speech impaired--but by Golly, she knew who I was! SHE KNEW WHO I WAS!!! I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

It's such a gift and a relief when they know who are you--because you never know, with Alzhiemer's patients, if/when they will know who you are. There's no telling--one day, or one hour to the next---just who and what exactly they'll remember. And today, my Grandma knew who I was!!! She said "I love you, a lot, my Precious. I love you so much," and you know what, even though I would've loved to chatted for a bit--that was really all I needed. It was so fantastic--it really did make my week! The blessing of Thanksgiving for me, and I am most thankful for it!

Last night, I sang in my room, and it was so much fun! I don't care that I can't really sing that well, it's so healing for me to do so. It's a healthy escape too. Anyway, as I was singing I was thinking "All I really want for my birthday is some nice cards and for my grandma to remember that it's my birthday and perhaps even call me and wish me Happy Birthday, that would be awesome!" And it would be, I'm praying for that long and hard, believe me.

Anyhow,I sang "Gaurdian Angels" by The Judds and I was thinking of my ancestors who were also incredibly strong women. And how I DO know them "from the stories my dear grand mama tell". It was such a lovely, peaceful moment--standing there in my room, singing that song--it was almost a spiritual experience, and most definitely calming. Thank You God for that Peace and Serenity!

Anyway, I had a great Thanksgiving! I went to Colin's family's house and we had a great time! It was great to see my in-laws and hang out with all the babies, they're so cute! The food was great and I was so blessed to be invited over--really, such a pleasant, lovely time!

I took myself to a movie on Friday--for the first time in almost 2 years--all by myself, I went to see "Love & Other Drugs," with Jake Gyllenhal and Anne Hathaway (who I have always liked). It was really good. Kind of crass, and definitely not for the religious folks, but it was funny and touching. I really enjoyed it, and I'm glad I took myself out!

That's the thing, I do everything on a budget, but sometimes, you gotta just GO. Enjoy life, do what you want. If you do what you MUST, take care of yourself and others, than by God, you've earned the time to just relax and enjoy. I'm so glad I was able to do all of that this weekend--see two great movies, rest, relax, spend time with family, friends and my mom. I was able to get some stuff done around the house and just chill out.

As much I love and adore my job (and I am looking forward to going back on Tuesday), I really needed this little mini stay-cation (5 days off). It's been so nice, and best of all, I still have 1 full day off! Fabulous! I'm not putting on ANY makeup tomorrow! I dressed up today for church! I looked pretty, but I normally don't like dressing up on my weekends, so it'll be nice to just hang out in casual clothes and NO makeup tomorrow! Yay!

I really do have such a blessed life, and when I read the Sunday Paper tonight (okay, not all of it), I realized I was even more blessed by all the GOOD news going on in Las Vegas! I mean, first off, to be ABLE to read, and have ACCESS to a paper and read what I darn well choose in there--and form my own individual opinion about it all--ALL of that right there is a huge blessing! But, to hear about such terrific news around my own community, it's just wonderful! For instance:

A Nurse Residency Program at Valley Area Hospitals that helps newly graduated RN's enter into nursing a lot easier. Because "teamwork saves lives" boy can I vouch for that!? And apparently, it costs hopsitals around $80,000 to replace an RN when they quit. The scary thing about nursing is that when someone makes a mistake, sometimes someone else dies--but luckily, with the new Residency Program, they're hoping to lessen the amount of errors and fatalities. So neat!

Also great news, the fact that even poor Las Vegans all tend to give more during the holidays Who cares WHEN, as long as people ARE giving something back, it's always so nice to see! It's inspiring too! So many are such dire need of help, I wish I could help more--I pray for them all, though, that's for sure.

Oh, also in good news: the fact that the Small Business Association is going to loosen up their tight grip on loans and possibly start lending more. The fact that a really shady neighborhood is getting a new housing complex/community center run by volunteers.

Really, it's so encouraging to see all of this WONDERFUL news in my own community--Lord knows there's certainly enough bad stuff around Vegas, (it IS "Sin City" after all) so it's always AWESOME to hear such GOOD stuff! The Lord is powerful for sure! And while I've always purposely sought OUT good news, it's so wonderful to see the local paper actually PRINTING good news!

To pick up a newspaper--or turn on your TV--and read/hear about NICE, GOOD NEWS--it's positively awesome!

It's also positively awesome that I have a warm home, a comfy bed, a job, food, clothing and tolitries! It's awesome that I got to spend time with my mom--and that while I have enjoyed my little vacation, I actually have a job to go back to! It's awesome that I can sit here and type this--and think for myself. It's awesome that I have cute purses and hair on my head (out of left field, I know--but I was looking at my purse just now and twirling my hair.) It's awesome that I am realizing the importance of carving out my own identity--but doing so in polite, nice and respectful way that doesn't push my loved ones away from me, but rather, draws them nearer to me and makes them proud of me (I hope)! It's awesome that I got spend this weekend with family and friends and also, a little by myself. That I got to go see 2 movies and relax! It's awesome that I can wiggle my toes and have warm feet because of socks! It's awesome that I could go take a hot shower if I so wanted to, and that I can go to my kitchen sink, and get a glass of clean water to drink!

Yes, indeed, I am so blessed--by so much!

Thanksgiving Weekend has always been one of my favorite times of the year and this year was no different! It's the official start of the Christmas Season which I also love! I'm so excited, I just love this time of year--Christmas, Thanksgiving, my Birthday, New Year's and all! So much fun! :)

Thank You, Lord, for all of my bountiful and beautiful blessings--I owe it all to You--it is because of You!

Have a terrific week, everyone!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)