Wow, It's Been A Year....Boy Have I Learned....

Why I'm Moving to Oregon....

This is the part of the email I sent my good friend, Debbie, today. She wanted to know why I'm moving to Oregon and if I've thought about it. The truth is, I HAVE thought about it before, but not to this extent. LOL! So, in answering her email, I answered MYSELF. Pretty cool huh? Anyway, here's why I am moving to Oregon.........

As for Oregon, yeah, I've thought about it. And the thing is, nothing is happening here in Vegas. And I've consistently tried applying for jobs, school and etc...but nothing seems to be working here. I'm on SSI as you know and I only receive about $550 a month, TOTAL-for EVERYTHING, and now my car takes up $350 of that. So, not only am I not working (although I am going back to school this month) I only have about $200 at the end of the month for all my other Bills. I could get a part time job here, but minimum wage in Nevada is only $5.15, and since SSI takes $1 for $1, after I make my initial $60, it would NOT be worth my time, energy or while to work. I'd be making what I get now, and if I made too much at work, they could take away my Medicaid, which as lousy as it is, I HAVE to have. So......

OREGON, however, their minimum wage is $7.25, which is a whole $2.10 MORE than here in Nevada. So even with a minimum wage job, it WOULD be worth my while to work. I'd make more money. Not mention, the Medcaid system up there is MUCH better, healthcare overall is better in Oregon, my dad and I talked about that a lot. AND, Nevada has been dubbed one of the worst healthcare states in the country. So, with my health, it's probably better to move elsewhere-Oregon or not........

The overall cost of living up there is cheaper....I looked at apartments while I was there and in Salem, a one bedroom would cost about $650, in a really nice part of town. Here, in Vegas, with so much crime, a nice part of town one bedroom apartment is at least $750 or more. Tha'ts only $100, but that adds up as you know. There's no sales tax in Oregon, so when you buy something for $1.99, it's acutally $1.99. Now, at the end of the year, you pay way more in STATE taxes, but overall, I still think it's cheaper to live. I went grocery shopping while there and bought a weeks worth of stuff for ME (my dad and Kim eat way differently than I do) and it only cost me $43. Here, that same amount of groceries and same brands would cost about $65. As you can see, I've thought out the numbers and done the calculations. The reality is, I can't make it on my own here in Vegas.....

ALSO...my mom is STILL with Ricky. And you know how much I dislike him and her choiecs with him. It's a never ending thing Debbie, and Ricky IS going to be here. He's not living with us, Thank God, but he's here everyday still running my mom's life for her. I can't be around that anymore. It's just NOT healthy for me, or her, but tha'ts her choice. I can't stand the man or the situation she constantly puts herself in, and while I'm getting better at seperating myself from it, in almost two years of living here, really NOTHING has changed as far as that particular situation goes. It's a revolving chain with them, you know. And I know that if I move out of this apartemnt and down the street, I'll be running to my mother for everything b/c she makes it so easy. I know in my heart that if I want to cut the chord (and I DO) with my mom, I have to MOVE AWAY. We'll always be close, and we always will love eachother enormously, but this is what I'm supposed to be doing at 21, almost 22. Besides, mom is only a phone call or plane ride away.

I could move back to Reno, where I have TONS of family and friends, but I don't want to. I've lived in Reno, I've been there and done that. I feel that to really grow, I need to step OUT of my comfort zone and really challange myself. I'll still have family near by in Oregon and since people are MUCH friendler up there and it's a slower pace of life, I'm sure I'll make at least a FEW friends.

Am I scared? Yes. Am I apprehensive about it? A little. Am I exited? Yes. Will I miss my mom? Totally. Do I think it's the right thing for me at this point in my life? YES!

When I was in Oregon I felt totally at home. Not so much with my dad and his family (although that was great too), but when I was by myself taking myself out looking around the town and checking out apartments and on my own-it felt RIGHT. I felt like I was home. It's not totally foriegn b/c I've been going to Salem for 10 years now, and I got to know a little more of the town this last time since I actually drove around it more. But it IS different.

People up there are nicer, and life seems to be more genuine and real. Vegas is SO artificial and it's ALL about MONEY, sex, and extravegance. Every single day in Vegas you're reminded of what you're not, what you don't have, and if you're poor, you CANNOT enjoy this city at all. Everything costs an arm and a leg. However, in Salem and much of Oregon, there's SO MUCH NATURAL BEUATY and so many cheap activites that it's easier to be poor up there. Also, it's cheaper to live so you have more to spare at the end of the month. Plus, the people don't seem to need as much excess as they do here in Vegas, and I really do want out of Nevada. I've lived here my whole life and I think it'd be a great change!

I am scared outta my mind and living without my mom day to day kinda bothers me, but I did it for a month. And she's been gone a lot lately anyway, between working and seeing Ricky-so even though my mom and I live together, we kinda pass like ships in the night-you know what I mean? I often feel very alone here in Vegas, so I figure as long as I feel that way, I might as well do it in a place that's prettier (like Oregon) and where I CAN make friends. People here in Vegas are a different breed, I'm tellin' ya.

Speaking of my mom, my mom always makes it easy for me. Which is great, b/c I’m her baby girl and I think every parent wants their child to have a better life than they did. And while I do my own cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, errand running and Dr’s appointments down here, the fact is, if my mom could do all of that for me, she would. I’M the one that has to say “no, mom, I’m an adult, I can do this on my own.” My mom has always sat and said “shoulda, coudla, woulda,” with her own life. While she always ENCOURAGES me to reach for more, not end up like her, be my best and do my best, she does NOT push me. There’s a big difference. At this point, three years out of High School, I feel I need a PUSH. I feel I need to jump in, head first, to life and quit making excuses for myself. Granted, my health IS shaky, it always has been and it always be. It’s always going to be the main thing in my life that I have to worry about, attend to and that will always come first. But that’s not an excuse. My mom is a wonderful person, caring, kind, compassionate, generous, loving, she’s absolutely amazing! But she’s HER OWN PERSON, and now, I need to go be my own person. As long as I stay with her, I don’t feel I’ll become anything but her daughter. I’m starting to become my own person, but I can’t complete that process until I move out. She’ll ALWAYS be a major part of my idenity as parents always are, and I’m glad. Nothing gives me greater joy than in the ways I AM like her. It’s wonderful. But, I’m also like my dad in that, I’m a go-getter and a doer. I’m BOTH a dreamer and a do-er. My dad WILL push me, he WILL make me get off my ass and go to school and or work (he knows now that I just physically can’t do both at the same time). He will MAKE me stand on my own two feet and he WILL practice tough love. And to be honest, as scary and annoying as that’s gonna be, I think it’s something I really need in my life. Does this make sense? My mom never steps out of her comfort zone, my dad does it everyday, I think I need to find a balance between the two and my dad will help me do that.

Plus, for 21 years it’s been MY MOM, my mom, my mom…..Joe has really never before done anything for me. While I’m not too trusting, I feel it’s time to LET him do his job. He wasn’t there for me before, but he CAN be there for me now.

I know he won’t let me depend on him for TOO much, but he will be there when I absolutely need it.

I DO want to be closer to my sisters, and I feel it’s something I have to do. I owe it to them, but mostly, I owe it to me. I’ve been a WONDERFUL big sister for ten years, but I’ve been a long distance sister. Now, I’d like to be an in person sister and a long distance daughter. Make sense?

Plus, even though my dad wasn’t there for me like he should’ve been all these years before, the least I can do is meet him halfway now. I’m not too trusting and I’m still kinda skeptical, but when I was up there last month, he really made a HUGE effort to spend time with me everyday and get to know me, as a person. I have to commend that and I got to know him better too.

We BOTH want to make this relationship between us work, and now, we’re both willing and able to do that. That counts for a lot too! For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a dad in Joe. And while I love my mother with every fiber of my being, my relationship with her is wonderful, and wha’ts not wonderful, can’t and won’t be fixed until much later in life when she decides to make better choices. I don’t know if she ever will, but I’m not going to pay for her choices anymore……anyway……

I KNOW that moving is a HUGE step and I'm not taking it lightly. I'm WELL aware that it'll take some time to get adjusted to living in Salem. I know that it won't be easy and that I'll have hard times and that it's going to be up to ME, to succeed up there. But, the thing is, Debbie, it's ALWAYS up to us, whether or not we succeed, well, us and God of course. But, I feel that this city (Vegas) doesn’t have much to offer me, Sarah. God knows I’ve tried. Maybe this God’s way of telling me to try it somewhere else….which I think He is.

Here’s the other thing, if it doesn’t work in Salem, if I don’t like it or can’t make it, than I CAN come home. I know in my heart, and my mom PROFUSELY expresses it to me everyday, that I can always come home. And I know that's true. No matter where I choose to go or how old I am, I can always come home. But the thing is, this is HER home. I want my own. I want to see if I can make it. And if I don’t try, I’ll never know. I’d rather go and try and make an effort to build my life somewhere else than stay here, continue to be unsatisfied and unhappy and never know “what might’ve been.” And that’s what it comes down to.

I pray about it everyday, and everyday, I feel I’m doing the right thing. I’m glad you asked me these questions and I’m glad I’ve responded in length b/c I needed to, thank you. I’ve never actually expressed it in this way, or in this detail. Thank you SO much.

So, in answer to your question, YES, I have thought about it. YES, my sisters will be there so I will have SOME family, but they’re not the WHOLE reason I’m going. I’m going for ME! To find out who I AM, what I’m made of and how it turns out. I know God will be me where ever I go and that alone is a comforthing thought...besides.....

Nothing is a failure if a lesson from its learned, and I know I’ll learn-so that makes it worth the risk!

Many Blessings,

SL

My I.Q. is 124!

Congratulations, Sarah!Your IQ score is 124

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.