Moments with Colin! A Few of my Favorites!
So my post about moments of marriage got me thinking about my favorite moments with Colin! Now, out of respect for the sacredness of our relationship and his request that I not divulge EVERYTHING about us, I will only share a FEW! I'm sure he won't mind remember these!
As I mentioned earlier, tomorrow will be 20 months since our very first phone conversation! It lasted 2 hours! Well, almost! Maybe an hour and 45 minutes, I don't know. I remember going to see Borat (HORRIBLE, STUPID movie) with my friend JoJo on Thursday, November 9th, and coming home and calling Colin for the first time! We'd exchanged phone numbers earlier in the day and he'd told me to call him later on that night. So I did. I was nervous, of course, but we seemed to click right away. My gosh, it's funny to remember it, we were so young (okay, we still are so young and different, and looking back on it, probably two very lonely people. Although neither of us would admit that flat out! No way, Jose'! ANYWAY....our first conversation was a wonderful one! We talked and talked and talked! Right away, from the moment he answered, I LOVED his voice! The first two things I loved about Colin were his name and his voice. And then his kindness. He was so sweet, and still is, by the way. But, anyhow.....I loved his voice, I can't say the same thing for him, though. I have a different voice. I sound like I have laryngitis or a cold, even when I don't. I sound about six years old a lot of the time, and at first, Colin found my voice wierd and a little annoying. Apparently, I must've said something intriguing though, because he called me back the very next day. In fact, I think I remember him calling me about three times the next day. That was Friday. And obviously, he got past my different voice and learned to love it, because here we are, engaged and (almost) married. I wonder at what point my voice was no longer an issue for him, it couldn't have been too long or he woudln't have kept talking to me or asked me to be his girlfriend so soon....you just don't puruse someone whose voice you can't stand. LOL! I'm glad he learned to listen/see past my different voice, because, man, what a total loss it would've been to him if he hadn't! He would've missed out BIG TIME! Anyway, that first conversation I remember being alone in my apartment that I shared with my mother. For some reason, she wasn't home the entire time. The TV was off, only two lights were on and I paced my living room/kitchen floor in the entire conversation. I remember it like yesterday! I let him talk a lot, but he also listened quite well. We talked about growing up and our families and schooling. We talked about movies and music (I reassured him that although I'm a HUGE country music fan, I'm NOT a cowgirl, which is a good thing considering he's an LA boy!). He told me about falling down the stairwell on that cruise ship and I told him that I'd had a "few" surgeries. (I learned long ago that I don't divulge too much about my health to a man too soon, they tended to run when I did!). We were very calm and mellow and honest and kind. It's amazing really, to think of it now, because I don't see as us as being neessarily calm indivisuals. Both of us are pretty, well, high strung and uptight at times, especially me and him with his anxiety....like, seriously, God must've been watching that whole conversation, becuase I remember both of us not wanting to hang up. It was so cool. I went to bed that night thinking about this kind young man, and his really nice and sweet voice! And putting his name with mine! FIRST names, I didn't know his last name at the time! I miss that feeling sometimes, of being BRAND NEW! Those FIRST days of being so caught up and infatuated and care-free....we really were! I don't feel like our care-free days lasted long, but we did have a few of them. Mostly I remember him telling me that his grandparents were dying, his mom's step-dad, and his dad's mom....tough stuff when you're starting a new relationship. I think that their impending deaths were a blessing though, I think it made us realize that we didn't want to waste time And I think it made Colin get a move on, take a chance with me and just jump in. I don't ever remember him having reservations about us. None. To this day, he is so sure and steadfast in our love and life together, it amazes me. I think he's only had a few doubts about us along the way, he's human, but certainly nothing major or very darn often. I'm envious of that! Very envious of that! Anyhow, we talked more over the weekend. His first message on my phone was "Hi Sarah, this is Colin. You're probably busy right now, that's okay, I hope you're having a good night, give me a call whenever you can and take care of yourself. I'll talk to you soon, bye." His voice was higher at the end, and looking back on it, yeah, he was definately intrigued and wanted to talk to me some more! And why wouldn't he? I am pretty cool! Not THE coolest, and definately not the easiest, but I am pretty cool in the long run! So, then I remember going to Smith's with my mom on Saturday the 11th...it was cloudy and cold and I remmeber walking down the cheese/pickle aisle chatting away on the phone. Of course, cheese is one of our mutual favorite things in life and can ALWAYS be found in our fridge today! So that's kind of funny. I remember buying the newst Keith Urban CD earlier that week when it had come out and hearing the song "Got It Right This Time," and thinking, "I want that kind of love." That was a few days BEFORE Colin and I started communicating. To this day, ANY and ALL songs from Keith's CD, "Love, Pain and the Whole Crazy Thing," makes me think of the very begining of mine and Colin's relationship! And what a love story it is! And what a extremely FITTING Title for us and our whole life....love, pain and the WHOLE CRAZY thing! So true! LOL! Anyway....I remember being his apartment for the first time and having this crazy feeling of de ja' vue, like I KNEW this apartment and had been there before....it was wierd, but wonderful! From the VERY FIRST DAY we met, Colin said he could take care of me. Looking back, this could've gone SO many ways, and perhaps I was a bit knieve, because really, he could've been a major psyco....but....thank God he wasn't, so I digress. ANYWAY....I remember being his apartment the first time telling him a LITTLE bit about my health situation and SOME of my surgeries. I remember telling him FLAT OUT "so, like, just so you know, I know that I'll probably scare the hell out of you and it won't suprise me if you run for the hills, because most of the men I've met, do. But, I've had TONS of surgeries and can get sick very easily, and when I'm sick, I'm REALLY sick. So, just thought you'd like to know." And you know what that sweetheart of a man said, "than I can take care of you." I will NEVER forget that as long as I live. THAT was a defining moment in my life. I can't say EVERYTHING changed at that moment, that'd be a lie, BUT....something DID change, something opened up in me, in that very moment, and I dind't like it all. I was SO sacred and so afraid and SO hurt by guys before this. Partly my own doing, I'm sure, but still, I was so scared of being hurt and rejected again. So when Colin looked over his kitchen counter, cocked his head a little to the left and looked right into my eyes across his living room and said those famous words, "than I can take care of you," WOW! To this day, are you NUTS man? Did you NOT THINK about that statement? Was it just a line? An attempt to charm me and get me you know where? Well, it may have been all of that back then, in that moment, but as it turns out, it wasn't so much of a "line," as a promise. A promise that he has kept. He DID end up taking care of me, he DOES take care of me on SO many levels and has pledged to always do so! HOW sweet and amazing is that! It's just absolutely miraclous! Truth be told, both of us have a history of health/medical issues, both of us were always afraid, on some very deep unacknowledged level, that we'd never find someone to truly accept us and all of our hangups. Yes, everyone has hangups, I know, and faults, but us, we have some issues that most young couples don't face. ANYWAY....another one of my favorite moments/memories with me and Colin is this: talking politics like 48 hours into knowing each other. Now a days, we've learned to agree to disagree on some things, but there's still a lot we agree on politically and can talk about it and debate things, it's tons of fun and always interesting! I love how indivusally passionate we are as people. We are just passionate people, and put us together, and you've got a WHOLE bunch of passion! Well, you know what I mean! LOL! ANYWAY....I remember trying to plan our first date and him saying "you know, I usually am reserved, but I think you know what's gonna happen tomrorow night." And no, I don't mean THAT. I mean that he knew that I knew, well I sort of knew, I had an inkling, but I didn't know for SURE....that he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. And he DID! Six days after talking with me for the first time, he showed up for our first date, dressed up, with pink roses in hand, and asked me at the START of the first date, to be his girlfriend! Of course, I said, yes! Then he put me on the phone with his mother..yeah, I don't reccomend that, it was wierd, but she was nice and kind and uh, that's really all I can say about that part of the date. It was odd, for sure, but not out of character for him now that I know him. I waited until later to put him on the phone with MY mother, but you know, I've ended up loving and adoring his mom (I did from the get go although I was SOO beyond nervous to meet her that first time on Christmas Eve; oh my God, I CRIED tears of nervousness while packing for the trip).....and called her "mom," a day after I met her. And I SWORE I'd never do that with anyone but my OWN mom. Yeah, well, never say never! Jerri's my mom now, too, and I'm lucky to be her later in life daughter! After two sons, it was time for a girl anyway! LOL! Colin and I both say we won the jackpot when it comes to mom-in-laws. Sure, they're still our moms and endlessly annoying at times, they're moms, I'll be annoying to my kid too, but really, we're so blessed to have them both! And they're so much alike, it's unreal! Anyway....Colin asking me to be his girlfriend was a great moment...under the lights of the back East Entrance to the MGM. Very sweet! I remember getting in the elevator thinking "oh my God, what did I just say yes too?" We've been together ever since. Like I've always said, we really didn't actually DATE much. I just hung out as his place a lot. We'd go to dinner or mall cruising (it was the holiday season after all) and walk the strip, but eh, I think we DATE more NOW than we did back THEN. And now we live together! Anyway....my other favorite moments with Colin include Christmas Day 2006, our first Christmas together....Disneyland the next day..12/26/06, one of the BEST, most WONDERFUL,. and MOST miraculous, beautiful days of my ENTIRE life! So beyond awesome! And it was FULL of SIGNS!!! So very many signs!!! I loved dancing with him at the weddings we attended last year, and am looking foward to dancing with him at OUR wedding! And of course, one of my most favorite moments is him proposing to me October 1st, 2007! TOTALLY unexpected and suprising and beautiful, and special and romantic and wonderful and EVERYTHING I ever imagined it to be. And him RE-PROPOSING on my favorite day of the year, Christmas Eve 2007....late at night, at his mom's house, on the little pull out bed i his old room, me in my Christmas PJ's, with no makeup on and my hair freshly brushed. Okay, we had gone to the church to check it out and see if we wanted to get married there. And I FREAKED. I totally FREAKED out and got scared and knew I wasn't ready to get married this year, 2008. I just wans't, I'm still not and I won't apologize for it. I just knew I wasn't ready at 24, period. So we talked all the way back home to mom's (Jerri's) house and then, her and grandma Bobbi stayed at the church for Midnight Mass and we sat alone, in the quiet, on her couches, hashing it out. NOT fighting, but seriously talking, and working through MY fears of marriage. (I'm not so afraid today, really, I'm not, I'm looking foward to it and embracing it and loving it, but wow, back then, not so much.) Looking back, that conversation in his mom's livnig room, was much like our FIRST conversation on the phone while I was standing in MY mom's living room. It was quiet, cold outside, and peaceful. Really peaceful. Even though at the moemnt, I was scared of getting married, Colin and I were talking with each other very calmly and being very honest and real. It was great. He said that if I truly wasn't ready to get married, I probably should give the ring back. Fair enough. I said I didn't want to give the ring back and my eyes filled up with tears, he said "we're not breaking up, Sarah, but that ring means something to me and it's okay if you're not ready, I'll still be with you, but that ring should mean that you're ready, so just give it to me for a little while and I'll hang on to it, and when you're ready, you can have it back." I took the ring off and walked into that little old bedroom of his and sat down on the pull out bed. I sat there alone, in the silence, with the dim lights and thought about it....I walked back out into the living room and said "okay, Colin, you need to give me some time, but please give me the ring back, becuse I do want to marry you, just not next year." He said "are you sure," and I said "yes, just not as early as October of '08, okay." He said "alright. Go get in bed and I'll be in in a minute." And I so I did, nervous, my heart sinking that he wouldn't give the ring back and that I'd permanently screwed this up....of course, if he loved me, he WOULD wait, he WOULD wait however long I needed him to, because I would've done the same for him and we were both worth waiting for! But, he came in and sat on the bed and said "okay, you wanted me to propose again, so here goes. Sarah, I love you, and I'm here for you, and I always will be. I want to marry you, whenever you're ready, I'll be here. I love you and I want you to be my wife, so, if you're sure, will you marry me?" I couldn't believe it. I wanted to laugh and cry and SLAP him silly! I smiled really wide and said, "yes, I'm sure, I want to marry you too, so yes, I will. But I still need to wait a bit, please understand." He said "okay, then, here you go, here's your ring, we're officially re-engaged." And he put the ring on my finger--again--and we laughed and smiled and I cried tears of joy. It was a truly great moment, full of love, patience and understanding. Just for the record, we never un-engaged, but I did freak out on him, and I'm glad he understood and was willing to wait. I felt bad at first about delaying the wedding, but now, I know it WAS the absolute right thing to do. I just wasn't readyt his year. Too much going on. NEXT year...2009....at 25, I WILL be ready, or as ready as you ever can be for something like that! My other favorite moments with Colin? The everyday ones, like being in the kitchen together...I love being in the kitchen together with him. Cooking, cleaning, talking. I love cuddling on the couch or talking in bed at night, when the day is done and it's dark and quiet and just the two of us. I love our vacations together, being carefree and affectionate. I love walking to our mailbox together and holding hands in front of our families. There's a pride in that, I'm not sure why. I loved March 22nd/23rd/Easter of this year, still, one of the BEST weekends of my life ever! His dad's wedding last year on the yacht was fun, very cool! I'd never experienced anything like that before, it was fun! Being at the ocean together, any ocean, anytime! Anyway, a friend just called I've written enough today, and I'm hungry so I'm going to call it a day on this blog! Thank you Lord for these moments, this day, the ones to come and the man and lovely people I share them with!
In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)
