Finally! I've Got Energy & Am Gettin' It Done!

Wow! I slept ALOT last night. I fell asleep right after dinner around 7:30pm and didn't wake up until about 9:30am this morning! Whew-that's a lot, but I really needed it. I FINALLY feel rested and ready to get on my to-do list, I've got SO much to do: CLEAN my room; dust, vacum, organize, sort. UPLOAD MORE PHOTOS on my photo site. I was in the mood to cook and bake some cookies, but now not so much. Now I'm into cleaning. Thank God! I don't get on these "cleaning runs" too often, but when I do, whoa, watch out!

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and marriage lately. I've always said I never want to get married, but now I'm thinking, yeah, maybe someday I would. If I found the right person. I think marriage, and all romantic relationships, take one HECK of a lot of effort and it's NOT always smooth sailing. There are up and down times and fun and laughter and sadness, anger and tears. But I do think that the old phrase of "know when to keep your mouth shut," is very true! I need to go clean, but before I do, I feel compelled to write this down and get it out of my system! Please bare with me! LOL! I think it comes down to the following things to make a marriage, or any relationship, last!

The 3 C's:
Committment, Compromise, COMMUNICATION!

Golden Rule:
Give 110%, and realize that sometimes it WILL be hard to give your all to that one special person and vice versa.

Respect, Trust, Communication, Appreciation, Love, Affection, Indepdence, Romance.


Romance: Yes, I said romance, I think it's important to keep the romance alive. Yes, it's really hard to do that, but it's not impossible. I think it's vital to keep the kisses, hugs, notes and displays of appreation and romance up. People just let it slide, and I think that even in the midsts of our crazy, busy lives, romance is important. Thougthfullness at the very least. A little note, an occasional 'just because' card, a single rose or carnation, a meal made when your partner is tired. I think it's important to always treat it like an affair. KEEP making eachother feel loved and special!

Independence: vitally important also. I think the most important thing is that two people should be a happy EXTENSION of one another's lives and identities. They shouldn't be your ONLY identity, nor should they be your one and only source of happiness. You gotta be happy within yourself and like and love yourself before anyone else can. It's so true. I don't mean that you shouldn't be a partner, but you know, have SOME different interests and hobbies, and then of course, have some of the same intresests. There's gotta be common ground in the relationship, but it should be "okay, you go take your cooking class and I'll go golf and then we'll meet up later to share our experiences." I also think "breaks" are important, I've read about it in magazines and it's true. I think we ALL need and DESERVE that one day every once in a while to say "you know what, I've had enough. I can't take it anymore at this moment. I'm checkin' out, I'll be back tomorrow morning." I don't mean necessarily LEAVE for good or physically leave the house. But you know, take time for YOURSELF. Treat yourself to a solo cup of coffee at Starbucks or window shopping or even a good book or bath. Or, if you're a guy, treat yourself to solo TV time, a beer wtih your buddies or a game of ball. It doesn't mean you love your partner any less, it has to do with knowing when you can't give anymore of yourself and rediscovering who YOU are, aside from just their husband or wife. It's so important. I'm not saying quit or take off for days at a time, but realize when you're on empty and go with it. I would say though never take more than a day or two. I do think seperate vacations are good though, an occasional four-five day trip without the other, gives you time to have the house to yourself, and miss eachother. Missing eachother is important too, of course, you don't want to miss eachother ALL the time, cuz that's lonley, but anyway, Hopefully, you know what I'm getting at!

Affection: kiss, hug, hold hands, make love at least once a week (if not more). Those physical displays of affection have been scientifically PROVEN to raise your heart rate, and send healthy endorphins to your brain. They keep us young and connected. There are few joys and pleasures in life that can hold a candle to a good and sincere hug or kiss. I think, since I believe it's all about energy in life, that when you're holding hands or kissing, your indivisual energies are brought together and that's why you feel closer after such wonderful encounters!

Appreciation: under NO circumstances take your partner for granted. If they make you feel happy, or loved or special, let them know about it. Make it a daily effort to do ONE thing to make THEM feel loved and special. Show your apprecation each and every day, b/c you just never know when God will call us and we won't be here anymore. Guilt is not something that's easy to get past, but in the long run, everyday apprecation is pretty easy. Saying "please, thank you, I love you, I appreciate that you made the coffee the this morning so I ddin't have to, etc" Appreciation is so incredibly important, not just in romantic relationship, but in LIFE!!!

Love: it's great, but it does NOT get you through everything and by no means it is ENOUGH. It's NOT. I wish it were, but it's not. In the cases of addiction or distrust, no matter how much you love that person that trust has to be there and addiction has to go. Period. But, it's really important that you love THE person. Love who THEY are, who they authentically are, and love them in spite of their faults. Love them wholy and fully and unconditionally. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is the key to life! Loving someone no matter what, rain or shine, day or night. Love that person not just for the way they make you feel, but for who they are. It's so important!

Communication: you HAVE TO COMMUNICATE! I can't stress how important it is. Communicate about the days events, goals, dreams, plans, feelings, opinions. And then again, keep a FEW perosnal (BEFORE you met eachother) secrets. Actually, I'd say keep your past in the your past. Your partner doesn't need to know everything about your past relationships, so, use disgretion. But, when it comes to how you grew up, your family, plans, goals and dreams. Share, share, share! This is where that common ground comes in. Communicate ALOT and do it TRUTHFULLY! If you feel appreciative, happy, loved, rejected, hurt, sad, angry, confused, etc-TELL THEM! Nobody is a mind reader so you gotta COMMUNICATE!

Trust: so incredibly important. Whether it's trusting someone with your heart, life, love or trusting that they'll take care of you when you get the flue and look like crap. Trusting that they WON'T cheat on you and will be faithful both in mind and body. Lack of trust will ultimately take a great realtionship down faster than anything else. This is why it's SO important to be SECURE WITHIN YOURSELF FIRST. Then, you can be secure with your partner. Trust is the basis of everything! Faith is also part of this, trust that your partner loves you (but don't take it for granted), trust that they'll pick up the milk on the way home like you asked, etc. Big things and small things!

Respect: #1. Before you can love someone, you have to RESPECT them. Respect outweighs love, in my opinion, b/c you can still respect someone without loving them. Do you respect the way your partner lives their life? Do you respect the choices they've made and are continuing to make with their life? Do you respect their strength, courage and even their faults and personal opinions? Can you respect them as a person, not just b/c they're your partner, but as an indivisual? If not, I don't think the relationship will work. However, respect goes BOTH ways. DEMAND RESPECT FROM THEM!

Okay, so at 21, having had ONE long-term committed relationship, this is how I see "romantic" partnerships. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, but this is how I see it. I hope you learned, liked and will LIVE it!

I gotta go clean now, see y'all soon!

Many Blessings,
SL