Yesterday, when I was updating my profile, I did it in two ways; one, a short version where I described myself in simple words, and the longer, written sentence full version. As I was doing the first version, I put 'Sister,' in there. And this morning, I was reminded once again of how much I love my sisters!
I did not grow up with my sisters, we share the same father but have different mothers. I never shared a household with my sisters for more than three weeks at a time. I can't say I know what it's like to grow up with syblings, fighting, screaming, yelling, arguing. And to be honest, I'm glad I don't know that aspect of it. I enjoyed, and still enjoy, being an only child at home with my mom. It was great! But, I have the best of both worlds; I'm an only child with my mother, Linda, and I'm a big sister to three beautiful girls!
Just because we didn't grow up together doesn't mean there's not a bond between us. My sisters are Kelsey, Jordan & Joely, and I miss them every day. Somedays, I miss them an awful lot. They're always in my heart and my prayers and often on my mind!
My sisters (like all of us, really) are growing up. I like being a big sister because it forces me into a place of responsibility. It forces me to think out of and beyond myself. It makes me think of how I live my life, the example I set. It makes me feel responsible for how I condunt myself in the world--environmentally, socially, professionally, spiritually. Kind of like having kids, I guess. I don't have kids of my own, but having such younger sisters is good training for having a kid. And now, they're TEENAGERS! Whoa!
I've always felt an incredible amount of responsibility being an older sister. Someday, our dad and moms won't be around, and since I'm the oldest, in my mind, that kind of leaves me in charge. Well, not in chage. We're each our own person, with our life journey and indivisual experiences. But there is something incredibly bonding about having a sister.
And as the older "big" sister, it's up to me to set (hopefully good) examples for them. I don't expect them to follow my own path, God I hope they don't. I hope they have their own lives with their own triumphs and mistakes and lessons learned. I hope they forge their own identities completely independent and anything of anyone. But, I also hope that I'm always indefinately a part of their identity, because they are so very much a part of mine!
I feel funny writing this because I'm by no means their mom (they have a great one by the way), but I felt compelled to write what was in my heart today. And, I do like to think of myself as my sisters' friend, confidant, and safe place in the world. And like I said, having little sisters makes good practice for being a mom.
Truth be told, all of my "little" sisters are actually bigger than me. They're all taller, weigh more and could probably kick my butt if they wanted to. But, I'll always be older, I'll be (hopefully) wiser, more experienced. And it is my true hope that I can share my experiences and mistakes with them in a way that helps, not hinders, them.
This morning, one of my sisters was on the phone with me telling me about a boy who had broken her heart. At first, I wanted to fly up there and kick his butt, I am the big sister after all.....we're fiercely protective of one another--all of us! But then as I listened, and I could hear her heartbreak and confusion in her voice, I became really calm and peaceful. Of course, my heart broke that her heart is broken. But, that's life and sometimes, it sucks. Tha pain of a broken heart is one of the most awful ever. So, I asked her if she wanted my advice and she said yes. So I told her how I felt about it. That I was sorry she was hurting, that I wish this world, and men imparticular, were easier. I told her how it breaks my heart that her heart is broken, but that with each broken heart, we get a little stronger. I told her to not become cynical and bitter at such a young age. ( She was saying that all guys are jerks and what's the point? I told her sometimes they are, but certain ones are worth it!)I told her to save her dating life for later in life, and that being a teenager is hard enough. I told her that at this point in her life, it is time to start the journey of figuring out who SHE is, and how that can be difficult to do that if there's a man involved. I told her how I didn't date until I was 19, and that although there are times I feel I missed out as a younger teenager on the whole dating scene, in the end, I have no regrets. I do not regret not dating in middle school or High School and I do not regret my share of broken hearts; given and received. I told her that not all men are jerks and that there are actually some very good ones out there, but that you can't find the good ones if you're not willing to give most of them a chance. I told her to listen to her gut. I told her to be kind to herself because the world is harsh enough. I told her to never apologize for her feelings, no matter what they may be. I told her to feel whatever she needs to feel and develop a healthy way to process it all. I made it clear that drugs and alcahol are NOT a healthy way to process things and only lead to ten times more trouble in the end. I told her to go with the flow of her feelings and allow herself time to process this. I told her to not waste more time than she was willing to lose. I told her that, unforunately, this is just the very first of many broken hearts she will endure. Sometimes, she'll get her heart broken, and other times, she'll break their hearts. I told her that life is one huge process and a great big journey and that "happiness," is NOT found in any one person; a person can only ADD to and EXPAND your happiness, but you have to make its base for yourself. I told her to hold onto her faith in God and to remember that no matter what, God loves her regardless. I told her to lean on Him if she feels the need/desire to. I told her that every single thing in this life; person, place, and experience, is a reason and opportunity to learn. I told her to look for the lesson in everything and take responsibility for her part in whatever she does. I told her that we all make mistakes, and we will all continue to, and that I've sure made my own mistakes as well. I told her to learn from them, and make new ones. I told her make peace with herself and this young man, if/when she wanted to and felt the time was right. And I told her that I am always here for her.
And you would think that after that, she would've been rolling her eyes, doodling some flower on a piece of paper and tunning out. But you know what, she didn't, and she wasn't. She said "wow, Sarah, thank you for all of your advice. I will remember some of these things always." I laughed and said, "it's okay if you can't/don't remember it all, because I by no means have it all figured out, in fact, some days I feel as though I have NOTHING figured out." And we laughed. She said that part about looking at everything as an opportunity to learn and take something from everyone (lesson wise, love-like) was important. She said that's the part she'd remember always. And then she said that "I like to read, so no, don't worry, I'm not going to get into that stuff (drugs & alcahol). I've seen the pictures, I've seen the damage and remember, I've seen it in other ways too. So, I won't go there." That made me feel so good. I hope she keeps that promise most of all. I would just hate to see any of my sisters turn to drugs and alcahol as a way to ease their troubles/pain. It's completely destructive and NOTHING good ever comes from them. She then asked me if I thought going to a girls birthday/slumber party was a good way to "get over a guy?" I said "yes, of course, laugh your butt off, develop strong friendships with your girlsfriends, because let me tell you, the older you get, the more you'll appreicate them. Your friends will change, some will come and go, but if you're lucky like me, you'll end up with some really great ones who end up becoming your rock, sanity and lifeline." She said "I hope so too." It was a lovely conversation and she said that she felt better after we'd talked. I said "good, I hope so. I don't know if I'm helping, but I hope I am." The truth is, all of my sisters, all of us Doan Girls, we're all really ahead of ourselves sometimes. My sisters get things at their ages that took me years to learn. They understand things that I just began to understand this year. They teach me so very much and make me think about so very much. And I absolutely love every moment of it!
The other day, we were talking and started laughing about how annoying parents can get. I asked her if she's gotten to the stage where her parents annoy her and she said "I reached that stage years ago!" And I just laughed my butt off! But then I stopped and said, "your parents may always annoy you, in some ways, the older you get, the worse it gets. But, they do love you, and they're always on your side. And someday, when they're not there, you'll end up missing them. And they're not as dumb as we often think they are." Then I added, "so, do you find me annoying and dumb as dirt yet?" She said "no, but I'm sure I will, and when I do, don't take it personally, I still love you." And again, I laughed.
You know, I loved my little sisters when they were babies, they were so much fun and so cute to watch grow. But, I have to say, I like them more now. They're their own people, they're young women, growing and changing and finding their own ways, and it's such a joy to watch. Somedays, I worry about them, I worry about the choices they'll make, I worry about the crazy world we're all leaving them. I worry about how they'll manage school and work and life. But I know in my heart that they're good girls, they're smart & bright girls, they have good hearts and nice souls. They are filled with their own talents, personalities, differences and beauty. And they have their parents and me, for a big sister! It is my sincere hope & prayer that regardless of what happens in their life or mine, I can always be there for them; in a way that expands them, not stiffles them. I hope I always have the courage to be honest with them; about themselves, myself and life in general. I hope I can praise them when they make good choices, and encourage them to learn from their bad ones. I hope that they always see me as a source of strength and inpsiration. And I hope that we always have one another, to lean on, talk to, laugh with, swap advice with and love abundantly! Because, although I don't do it a lot now, I know in my heart, that if I ever needed those girls, they'd be there for me with bells on!.
My sisters are a source of inspiration and strength and wonder and love. They are one of the greatest blessings I have ever received. And I hope that as the years continue to fly by, we can continue loving & support one another as only sisters can! And hey, whoever said you have to grow up wtih syblings to love & adore them was completely wrong! (In fact, if I had grown up with them, we probably wouldn't like each other as much as we do!)
So, thank you, Lord, for my beautiful sisters! Thank you for creating them, thank you for their parents, thank you for their immeasurable love & support, strength and inspiration! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)
