I love Mondays! A new week and new opportunities to live this one differently!
That's how I'm choosing to for see this particular Monday!
I had a FANTASTIC weekend!!! I made a VERY conscious decision to STOP the negativity, SHARE my feelings and start ACTING NICER towards those I love! Especially my husband!
Granted, at first it was like "fake 'till I make it," with the not being bratty. But, by yesterday afternoon, I was HONESTLY FEELING BETTER! About him, our marriage and my entire life in general! It's such a GREAT feeling when the depression lifts! The difference is night and day!
I also decided that NO ONE wants to be married to a bitchy, negative & constantly complaining person--I sure don't! I absolutely hate it when Colin gets that way. It's annoying, exhausting and just plain yucky! So, that's also part of the reason I changed my tune.
Now, this isn't to say that my husband and I spent the ENTIRE weekend in bliss (although we pretty much did!), BEFORE this weekend happened...AFTER writing all of those entries last Wednesday, we had a nice long heart-to-heart chat. I told him honestly how I was feeling AND he actually validated me. Something I desperately needed! I shared with him how I perceived things in my life and in our marriage--than I made a list of every SINGLE thing he's done RIGHT and good over the last three weeks. Well, FIVE pages later it made me realize, and him too, that he was actually doing pretty good. And that my discontentment with this was actually me. I kind of knew that, though. And also, it made HIM realize that I in fact had NOT bitched at him for 3 weeks straight, even though it felt like it and that most of my bitching was not in fact, directed at him. Yay! I think the main problem was I wasn't feeling listened to, appreciated or validated. And that's so important--in any relationship, and especially in a marriage.
Anyway, I spent the weekend watching movies, reading, doing some more organizing, house work, clearing out stuff, and hanging out with Colin, and my mom! We had such a great time! Last night, I cooked up a storm in the kitchen! I made a Deep Dish Pizza AND Enchiladas! I've decided that my mother-in-law makes much better Enchiladas than I do, but mine weren't bad, and she has to have something, you know. I have to interject here and say that a few weeks ago, she called ME for cooking advice! Yep, that's right, my own M-I-L called ME, her Daughter (in-law)...for cooking advice. I mean, how BEYOND cool is that?! I think I've "made it" as a wife--or at least, a member of Colin's family! LOL! :) It made me feel SO great! She is a great cook too, though, don't get me wrong!
Speaking of mom's, on Friday, my mom and I went to see "Julie & Julia," oh it was such a great film! They should've called it "Julie & Julia--for Sarah," because it is SUCH a Sarah movie! It's about food and writing and having a passion for both--and well, that pretty sums me up! It was totally inspiring and delicious, literally! Such a treat! Meryl Streep did an absolutely excellent job playing Julia Child, but then again, she's Meryl Streep, she can pretty much do anything! Amy Adams was good too! I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and if you're a foodie like me, or love to write--or have a dream that has to do with either--you definitely have to go see this film! It's excellent!
One thing I want to mention here, and I meant to post about this on Friday night after the movie, but didn't get around to it is this: after the movie, walking out of the theater, my mom was walking kind of slow. And for some reason, God only knows why, I was in a hurry to get back to the car. And she seemed to be taking forever to get there with me. And I got frustrated. And then I stopped. Suddenly, it was like one of those moments in the movie where you see a part of someones early life directly intervene with their current one. And that was me. In that parking lot. That mild summer Friday afternoon. Waiting on my mom to catch up to me while walking to the car. And I thought to myself, "Sarah, she's not old, but she is getting older, and you'd better get to this. Because even though she's always been, and probably will always be, the very definition of a woman on the go, she's probably not going to get going any faster. So just enjoy the walk, enjoy the moment with her--why are you in such a hurry to get to the car, anyway? Like, where do you honestly have to be? Nowhere. So why are you being so impatient with your own mother? Remember all the times she waited for you. Remember how she taught you how to walk, and held your hand and very patiently waited for you to catch up to her while walking everywhere? Because she did. And now it's your turn, you let her take as long as she needs. And get used to it, because this is how it is." This is honestly the conversation I was having with myself in my head while waiting for my mother to catch up to me. It was heartbreaking in one way, the reality of watching my mother grow older, the knowing that neither one of us is getting any younger. For me, the not getting younger, that doesn't bother me what so ever. I wouldn't be a day younger than I am if you paid me. But, the part I don't like, the part that seems to be starring me in the face more and more every day is the reality that my mother, and all of my parents in fact, are getting older. And I hate it. To me, my mom will always 45, I mean, I will always see her as a blond haired, active, spunky lady! And that she still is, don't get me wrong. My mama can still kick some serious butt! But, perhaps her kicks are getting a little slower, and that's heartbreaking. We still had a good time though and I realized that you know, why the heck are we in such a hurry? Where do we REALLY have to be? We all die in the end anyway. Being on time for work and engagements is one thing, I was raised to respect others' time. But, when you don't have an appointment, or an engagement or a deadline at work or school, what's the hurry? Seriously? Us youngin's could learn a lot from older people (not that mother is one of them!), who are no longer in such a damn hurry like the rest of us are! Just a thought!
Anyway, back to my dinner last night--the pizza was simply delicious! I make GREAT pizza's--so good in fact, that I really don't like store-bought anymore! My grandmother ruined me on any one's spaghetti but hers, and I've ruined me on any pizza but mine! We are great Italian cooks, grandma and I and I thank her every time I'm in my kitchen! Her and my mother taught me so much about food and cooking and gave me such wonderful experiences through both! It's definitely our family talent!
I didn't get mom and grandma's "hand" talent...grandma can sew and grow ANYTHING! She also does lots of absolutely gorgeous woodworking with her husband! And my mom can also grow anything, do the best laundry you've ever felt in your life (literally) and needlepoint to her heart's content! Me, I can't sew, or wood work and FORGET crocheting or knitting. That is totally out! Grandma tried to teach me once, in the summer of 2005, and after about two hours she finally said "you know what, I love you, but you can't crochet, forget it. And you can't knit either." So I don't. I do wish I knew how to sew though, I just never had the patience for it. And if I ever live somewhere where I have the opportunity to plant a garden (not in Vegas, obviously), than I do want to try that. I could probably grow a lot if I tried. But, that really remains to be seen!
So, anyway...on to movies....
In addition "Julie & Julia" this weekend, I also saw "Race to Witch Mountain," and "Norma Rae." Colin & I watched "Race to Witch Mountain," and it was pretty good. Not really my type of movie, but good overall and parts of it were totally funny! Disney produced, not necessarily Disney-kid-approved! I enjoyed watching it with my honey though! And "Norma Rae," oh my gosh! What a fantastic movie! So inspiring and SUCH a worthy cause! Sally Field (who's always been one of my most very favorite actresses ever since I was 4 years old) totally deserved that Academy Award! Thank God for people like that, Norma Rae, who pave the way and pioneer real change, against all odds! Even Colin liked it! :)
That's what I did this weekend, I also of course, watched Food Network, and meditated. Which helped, a lot. And now, it's Monday morning and I'm sitting here with a great cup of coffee, a refreshing glass of water and planning my week ahead! It's nice to be feeling better. I think a lot of it has to do with I've stopped the negativity. I'm still not going to "frost the cake," as I wrote about in some previous entries and sugar-coat stuff when it doesn't deserve to be sugar coated. But this is no bologna, I AM feeling better! I AM doing better! I AM being nicer, kinder, gentler and more patient--with myself and with others! And I AM ready to continue being honest about my ups and downs, and honest with myself and those around me. Life ebbs and flows, the ups and downs, they come and go. I'm slipping into verse, sorry. It's true though. And I'm so happy to report that I'm on the 'up' again!
Thank you Lord for a glorious, argument-free weekend! For movies, great food, amazing conversation and lots of inspiration! I owe it all to You! Thanks for lifting my mood and making me take responsibility for my own thoughts, actions and life in general! It really is better this way! I can't control others, but I can choose how I act! Thanks for the reminder! And thanks to my Colin, for being so gosh darn helpful this weekend! For the flowers, for the listening, for taking the garbage out (3x's), for emptying the dish rack, for bringing me breakfast yesterday morning and watching "Norma Rae," with me! I am so lucky to have you, babe!
Here's to an awesome weekend and an even better week, please, Lord, continue to bless it all!
In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)
P.S. I was reading a book called "Blogging for Dummies," and I've decided that I have a "Life Blog," meaning that I 'journal,' or chronicle what goes on in my life! Yep, definitely true! And I'm glad I do! Have a great week and God Bless Us Everyone! -SL
