So I'm NOT nuts...Marriage IS harder for some people than Parenting...who'd a thunk it?!

I found this on Dooce.com, this a blog by a woman named Heather Armstrong who I just found out about by way of another blog I read occasionally. Anyway, Heather is a mom and a wife, and earlier this year, she asked this question:

"Is marriage or motherhood easier?"

Obviously, I'm not a mom, so I can't really say. I think in some ways, both are/would be equally hard. I agree that with a child, the duties are more clear-cut, but I also agree that if you "go on a date with a guy who screams at you for 2 hours straight, you'd never call him again, you'd probably block his number, with a child, you have to put [up with it]--forever." (Heather Armstrong). The deal is this, and even I know this: you CAN actually divorce a spouse (I don't want too, not saying that), but you cannot get away from your kid(s), once you have them. Like, once you become a parent, that's IT. There is absolutely no going back, no matter what. So, I personally think in that respect, it would be harder than marriage. BUT...I also think having CHOICES in life often makes it more difficult. Anyway, in all reality, people of my grandmothers' generation probably sit around going "what are they whiny bitches bitching about? I mean, they have it SO good. We had no choices, no two ways about it. We HAD to marry and HAD to have kids, that's it, what's what you did, and there was no complaining." I can just hear that generation of women going "if these whiny girls SHUT UP and spent half as much time with their husbands/kids as they did complaining, they'd probably be a lot happier! And you know what, they're probably not wrong. We probably would be. But I like having the CHOICE---I chose to get married and my husband and I will CHOOSE to have, or not have, a child. And I like that. I think that just because women didn't complain as much back then doesn't mean they were any happier than we are today! Anyway, here's the video http://www.dooce.com/node?page=44 (scroll down). And here's what some of the women said:

** means I did NOT say these things myself!

**29. bohica said:
For me, marriage is tougher. I think I EXPECTED that I wasn't going to know what I was doing with my children, so every time I was successful at something, it was just a bonus. Each time I did something naturally, I was thrilled. Eventually it all came easier. Marriage just continually throws me curve balls. My own illness, his issues, our issues at the same time: what the HELL. Just when I think I have it all figured out, something else comes up. The difference is that with parenthood, I don't EXPECT more. With marriage, I expect him to have some intrinsic knowledge (my bad), or that we'll break into some sort of conversation that will miraculously explain our differences. Still waiting.

**I personally have found that motherhood has been easier. The perimeters of my relationships with my children are much easier defined that with my husband. Though, candidly...I have had 2 marriages and one horrific relationship in between. I am much better equipped for the care and feeding of children than a husband...but I am working on it.

**While I definitely don't have a child yet, I will say that marriage is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than being raised Baptist. Harder than going to an obscure Christian college. Harder than trying to find my first job with a degree in English from an obscure Christian college. For people who are control freaks like me, I assume there's some sort of peace, however, in choosing the person you spend the rest of your life with in holy matrimony. One does not choose the kind of person one gives birth to.
51. Diana said:

**For me, marriage is harder. While I love my husband very much, I don't unconditionally love him like I do our daughter. And it's always easier to be sweet, patient and calm with someone you love unconditionally even when you've had no sleep and are facing deadlines at work the next day. And a spouse's needs are much more complex than a child's. You know what you're child's needs are, they're easy to fulfill. With a spouse, it's not so easy nor can you always meet their needs.

**23. cj coats said:
Marriage is way harder. My kids came OUT OF ME. Daddy is just some dude I met on the internet. We have a good laugh about it when he's at work!

**See, I'm in the opposite camp.Motherhood came naturally for me - I don't mean that in a high and mighty way..I just mean the instincts kicked in, I was never really scared of it. But, I'd had lots of experience w/ babies all through my teens.Marriage has been difficult to say the least.Although the pull to get married was very strong, I really had no idea what to expect. Most of what I did expect wasn't realistic. My parents have each been married and divorced numberous times. I had a clear picture of all the marriage scenarios that I wanted to avoid - but no real life knowledge whatsoever when it came to the day-to-day makings of a good marriage.I love my husband and we're still together. But I would definately say I was much more emotionally prepared to have children than I was to be married. Is that odd?

**169. Shooba said:
Being a wife is harder. Being a spouse in general is harder. I mean where did I sign or initial in the marriage contract that said it's ok for you to put your crusty feet on me for me to rub after I've been on my feet all day in front of a classroom of teenagers with raging hormones and bad attitudes and not offer to reciprocate?
Being a parent is easy, and your child loves you and generally accepts you no matter what kind of day you had and is perfectly happy with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner instead of a full course meal.signed: Still going strong after 10 years married......

**200. Anonymous said:When taken separately, I believe marriage to be far harder than parenting. I have a far greater instinct to mother than to "spouse" and my husband certainly doesn't need another mother. To a greater extent, however, I think that parenting takes a huge toll on a marriage and can make it even more difficult. There are many days when I see my husband as a father, an employee, a gym rat and he sees me as a mother, an assistant etc. Although there is partnership in those roles, the role of husband and wife can be lost in the shuffle...until he notices my nice rack.

Okay, a lot of people said that parenthood was harder! And even though I'm not a parent, I have to agree. I think being a parent must be THE hardest job on earth, even if it comes naturally to you. I do however think it all depends! It all depends on each personal situation. It depends on where or not you have a challenging husband and/or child--it depends on how YOU communicate/react to your spouse/childs' needs/wants. I think it's different for everyone. I do know that some days I'm a better spouse than my husband is, and some days, he's a much better spouse than me! It all depends, it's give & take, it ebbs and it flows. For now though, I'm pretty happy to continue settling into marriage and take one thing at a time.

God Bless all the mothers/fathers/husbands/wives out there--really, we ALL deserve a metal!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz

Today I'm Grateful For...

Saying 'thank you' is more than good manners. It is good spirituality.
-Alfred Painter

Okay, ENOUGH with the negativity! I've written three negatively slanted entries in a row..so not who I am or want to be. So, in typical Sarah style..I'm going to cheer myself up and beat the blues (since I've already acknowledged them) by listing what I'm grateful for today:

*My hair: it's soft and there to begin with, and really long now! It's also a great color with dimension to it, even though I don't chemically color it! Which I LOVE! I especially love the red highlights that come out in droves in the summertime--thank you, Grandma! (She was born a redhead!)

*My super-soft, precious, beautiful Nellie Cat: she's feeling better and is back to her usual chatty self (much like her mother, right?). But she's also mellowed and older and wiser. And lately, it's like she can actually perfectly understand what it is I'm saying. She's following directions and sitting on my lap and cuddling with me in bed in the mornings. I just LOVE it! She's my little sweetie-pie, still, and my fur-baby companion and I just love & adore her!

*Sex: yes, I'm a lady, so I don't really like to talk about sex on this blog. Basically, I feel that my sex life is nobody's business, and it's not. But I AM EXTREMELY GRATEFUL for sex---particularly, sex with my husband! (Sorry for the embarrasment to my mother-in-law if she's reading this!) Someday, when my life story comes out, you'll all understand why I'm grateful EVERY single time I get to get between the sheets with my man! :)

*I'm also grateful I live in a time-period where it's TOTALLY okay to say I enjoy sex! Thank God for that! It's not some shut-in, off-the-wall topic that no one can speak of. I'm so fortunate I grew up in this time period--just for that reason alone!

*The photographs that surround me and the camera and incredible moments that allowed me to take/have those photographs! God Bless the digital camera and 10c Prints @ Walgreens! :)

*My glasses & the ability to hear/see/move/sit/stand/pee! I know, I'm grateful for those every day, but they're still worth mentioning!

*The morning sunlight that fills my living room--and the green leaves on the trees that peak into my upper window. I'm going to miss these views when I move from here. It really is so pretty. Hopefully, probably, I'll learn to love to new beautiful views I'll have in my new place! I always do! Views are very important to me!

*Organic candles that smell so fresh and clean and burn cleaner!

*The fact that although my grandmother and father were VERY sick recently, they are both doing better now. Not fantastically great, but they're ALIVE and they're HERE and I can call them both up anytime I want! And I LOVE that! I'm grateful for them every single day!

*My sisters: my dad told me yesterday that I'm a great Big Sister and that pretty much made my life! Being a sister, and a good sister at that, is so important to me. It always has been and always will be! Being a child of God/wife/daughter/sister/friend are pretty much THE most important things to me in my life! I hope that never changes! I'm so grateful to have all three of my sisters in my life and I'm even more grateful for the indivisual relationship that I share with each of them! I respect them, and as it turns out, they respect me--and THEIR respect for me means the world to me! I'm the oldest after all, and I have an example to set! I just adore girls--excuse me, young ladies! Beautiful, blooming young ladies! I'm so proud!

*Being married for almost 5 months--words cannot convey how MUCH I've learned since then and how grateful I am for the lessons I'm confronted with every single day! I know, 5 months is chicken scratch for most...but remember what they say "The 1st year is the hardest," and at times, it is. I'm especially grateful for my husband doing the dishes last night and going to the store on Tuesday! And last night, when he said "I married my soulmate, but that doesn't make it easy all the time," THAT phrase, and his realization of that (duh, I'm not easy all the time), I'm SO grateful for!

*The ability to read and write and think for myself. The urge and yearn to learn! I LOVE learning and I LOVE reading!

*As always, my friends & my mother, I'm grateful for them too!

*This blog, no matter how much I questioned (bashed) it in the previous entry!

*I'm grateful that I can stay in the spirit of gratitude, that I know its gift and I know how to count my blessings no matter what! (It doesn't make me a better person, but it does make me feel better emotionally/spiritually--overall!)

Thank you, Lord, for all of this and so much more! God Bless Us Everyone!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

"Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more."
-Brother David Steindl-Rast

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."
-Buddha

Sorry...but I HAD to post this....

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20295445,00.html
Chaning Tatum "Newlywed Life is 'Perfect'"

You know, it's celebrities GUSHING about how "PERFECT" their lives are that make the rest of us all miserable!

Granted, Newelywed life AT TIMES, is perfect! I've certainly experienced some of the happiest and most content moments of my life since I've gotten married...but you know what...

A MONTH! I'm only four months ahead of this couple, but PA-LEASE!

Let's talk REAL Marriage:

*You and your spouse will lye in bed together at night simply BOGGLED at how HARD marriage can be at times!
--Colin & I did this the other night, and it was like this GREAT relief, to admit to one another that we're both struggling with CERTAIN issues (not all things, just some) and having a hard time learning how to adjust to this "married," thing!

*The bills that pile up when only one of you, or both of you (in some cases), is working!
--Celebs wouldn't know about this because they make a butt load of money--still, though, I wouldn't trade my "money poor-er" life for theirs! Money cannot and does not buy happiness...it does however, buy some peace of mind!

*Kids--if you have any, which Colin & I don't--but I've heard they (can) add monumental stress to a marriage. And I've decided that simply because of the fact that we don't have kids, our lives/marriage are easier!

*Sick relatives
--Mothers, grandparents, friends, etc. It adds A LOT of stress!

*LEARNING to COMMUNICATE effectively, which for most people (no matter how much I want to believe I excel at it already), is a LEARNED skill, not a God-given one!

*BALANCING work-life, school-life, family-life, social-life, spiritual-life AND married-life!
--They're all so seperate and yet so intertwined! (Okay, it's not always hard, because hopefully, your spouse is one of your best friends and you share some common interests, hobbies, friends & religious beliefs!)

*Deciding who will do what (and when they'll do it) around the house/home.
--Again, celebs probably have house keepers or personal assistants, so I'm guessing they don't have to worry about this stuff. I think, I wouldn't know for sure, and honestly, having a Personal Assistant would probably annoy the heck out of me! I think it's much better when my husband & I assist each other with everyday tasks!

These are just SOME of the reasons I dislike it when CELEBS GUSH about their 'PERFECT' Life! I'm happy for them, really! I am! Perfection CAN and DOES happen, but only for a moment or two at a time. Not overall life, and I'm grateful it doesn't, because, well...how boring and un-fulfilling would that be?! Articles like this are also why so many people divorce--because we're made to believe that "marriage is easy," or "marry the right one and you'll be happy FOREVER!" Bullshit! Marriage is work, and I think if you have a "perfect," marriage, than it can't be that damn deep of one!

Sorry to judge, but seriously, people who say this just tick me off, can you tell?!

God Bless Us Everyone, and really, sincerely from my heart, my Congrats to Mr. & Mrs. Tatum! But trust me, "Perfect," comes & goes, and comes again....that's the good news!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz

Happy August...or not....or...well, a bunch of things/feelings at once!

Today is August 1st, 2009--duh, right? Well, if I'm being honest with myself, and with all of you, I'm not a fan of August. It's probably my least favorite month of the year, along with January (sorry to my husband, as January is his birth-month, but I still don't like it)! For starters, August to me represents the beginning of the end of Summer--and I LOVE Summer! Granted, here in Vegas Summer WEATHER lasts well into September, and sometimes even October, but, still...none the less, the days start getting shorter in August, school (for some) starts back up and well, there's nothing really fun about August in my humble opinion. Is that bad? I mean, normally, I'm such a cheerful, look on the bright side, type of person, but I just don't care that much for August. I think one of my other problems with this month is that it's the 8th month of the year, and I don't like the #8. We don't get along, 8 & I....some people are afraid of the #13, others detest even/odd digits--me, I don't like 8. So, that alone is reason enough for me to not like August. I actually like the way the word August sounds, and I'm sure this month won't be horrible. I get to move at the end of it, which is nice--(new apartment, not the actual moving part!), and as far as I can remember, nothing tragic has ever happened in my life in the month of August. I don't really remember having a major surgery in August, though I'm sure at some point, I have. Just not one I can remember--thank God! No parents divorced in August in my life, and no romantic breakup for myself ever happened this month either! So, you see, I really have no good reason to dislike the month of August--it's just low on my radar of "Months to be excited about!" I hope that makes sense! As an adult, I guess I could say AUGUST RULES simply BECAUSE there are NO major holidays and only 3 birthdays this month--a slow month in my family now! (When I married Colin, I got a big family--for which I'm very grateful for, YAY! Sincerely, I've always wanted one!) My good friend, Sarah J's birthday is this month, so that's cool! She'll be 25, and I keep telling her how wonderful it is, and it is! It's my favorite age so far, 25 & 4!!! The totally rule! So, anyway, I'm noticing that as I'm writing my mood is picking up...which is good, because I think I've been depressed lately. In all honesty, it just dawned on me this morning that "Hey, Sarah, you might be depressed." I'm not even sure why I might be depressed, but for some reason, I think I am. Perhaps it's the moving at the end of the month, I always dislike having to move. I always end up loving where I move to, but moving has always been hard for me. I get VERY attatched to the places that I live, and the houses that I make my homes! Even though Coin & I BOTH absolutely LOVE the place we're moving into, I don't know...it's hard for me. Maybe I'm making it harder than it has to be, but this Vivaldi Drive house was my first home away from my mother. It was (is) mine and Colin's first place together. It's the house where we got engaged and married in, and fought like cats and dogs into. It's where I job-searched, found a job and went back to school in. It's where I turned 24 and 25....it's just....kind of hard to leave. On one hand, I'm TOTALLY EXCITED and BEYOND READY to leave this place--it's been great, but it's also been difficult and I honestly feel like I won't have as much "adjusting" or "settling" to do in the new place. You know. Like, Colin and I are used to living together, we've been married almost 5 months now and we're kind of getting our groove down, to a point, you know. Our new place is SO great for us and I can totally see us living there together quite happily. Not without the stress and BS that adult life/marriage can sometimes throw at you, of course, but overall, just happy there! I think also not having a job is depressing me too lately. Like, I wanted time off from job hunting, and I'm so glad I took it, but now it's like "damn, I'm a housewife again," and since my husband is working all the live-long day most days, I'm left to do whatever's in the house. And as bad as this may sound, I just don't want to. That's awful, isn't it? I'm so lazy lately and so unmotivated. I've to a house to go through, pack, clean & organize and for the last week, I just don't to. I feel horribly guilty (despite my mother telling me over and over again that "guilt is a waste of time, Sarah," and my husband telling me "don't worry, it'll all get done,"), I feel like I SHOULD be cleaning, organizing this house up with a mad furry! I SHOULD be on a schedule, and I SHOULD be doing X, Y & Z EVERY SINGLE DAY! But damn it, I just want to sit on the couch and read my books and zone out. THAT'S how I know I'm a bit depressed, not SEVERELY depressed, but just a tad. I still have the urge to go pretty up and put on my makeup and doing my hair and make my house somewhat presentable should anyone decide to drop by, so like I said, I'm not ENTIRELY depressed, just a little. I'm so grateful for the gifts I have in my life, and I have so much. But sometimes, we (I) get a little off track and we have to find our way back. You know what I mean? I'm not so down in the dumps that I want to do nothing, but I'm not so in the mood to take it all on right now. Perhaps I'm not as depressed as I am just OVERWHELMED! I look around our house at all this stuff that needs to be sifted through, organized, packed up and cleaned and it's just like OH DEAR GOD, WHERE DO I START?! Now, in all fairness, I HAVE started! Last week, I cleaned out my closet and both of our bathrooms--so that's was good. And I CLEANED them out real good! But now I'm stalling again, and I'm not sure why. I WANT my house to be clean, organized and know where the heck things are! I WANT to know what I have and what I don't. I WANT my house to look a certain way and I want my husband to be proud of the hard-working wife at home he's married too! I really do! It's just a matter of getting off my butt to do that! In all fairness, I do run most of the errands, physically pay most of the bills and handle most of the phone calls around here. So it's not like I do TOTALLY NOTHING all day long, and I REFUSE to become my mother, inherently never satisfied with the way my house looks. Sorry, mom, I love you dearly, but you never were and it always looked immaculant and wonderful! That's another thing, I just noticed. If you haven't noticed, I haven't been writing blogs as much, and it's not because I don't want to write, it's because I go back and forth between "should I write that, should I not?" "Does the world really care (probably not)," "Do I really want to share that with the world?" Because really, you have to be careful with blogs. I don't want to post bad things or hurtful things. As much I would love to sit down and write about EVERYTHING at times, I know in the long run, it's not condusive to my life. Writing is, yes, it's my gift, my therapy, my craft and my outlet. It is all of those things. But this blog, as much I like to pretend it is at certain times, is NOT A PRIVATE JOURNAL. Yes, it IS a journal, it IS a place to share my thoughts/happenings/events/joys/sarrows, but ANYONE can read this. ANYONE! And honestly, lately, that is scarring the hell out of me. I don't know who, or even if, ANYONE reads this blog but me, and overall, I do like having it. But, I've had this blog for almost 5 years, and it seems EVERYONE has one now too. We're all on Facebook and MySpace and blogging our butts off. And really what for? Who for? For ourselves so we can feel extra important in the world? For the world who, in the long run, will judge us for whatever we say/don't say? For our own personal gratification? Why? Why do we feel the need to broadcast ourselves and entire lives to the world now? Sincerely, I wonder why? Because it's popular? Or right? Or, what? I still REFUSE to Twitter and although I enjoy my time/friends on Facebook VERY much, I tire of it easily. Well, sometimes that is, and sometimes, I totally love it! This IS all a great way to keep in touch with family/friends, and I've made some AMAZING friends online, most of whom I've never met in person. I've always been extremely careful and CONCIOUS about what I post--wherever I post it, on the World Wide Web. But, sometimes I miss REAL LIFE! The trees, flowers, sunshine, mountains, rivers, streams...but here's the thing...last week when Colin & I went up Mt. Charleston for the day, I couldn't freakin' breathe! COULD NOT BREATHE! Do you KNOW how annoying and downright SCARY that is?! I mean, my goodness. So it got me thinking? Are we SO out of shape as a society, including me, that we can't even take a little walk in the woods? I wanted to take that walk up in the mountains. I did NOT miss my computer while up there. I very much enjoyed the fresh air and GREENERY! It was absolutely FABULOUS and REFRESHING! But, it got me thinking--why are we not out here more often? Why do we spend SO much of our time on websites, and blogs and social networking sites? I do it too, so I'm sounding like a total hypocrite here, but still. I think that maybe we're forgetting how to LIVE, and REALLY communicate with one another! Truth be told, I AM glad I have this blog, and I AM glad I have Facebook...but I want them to be a PART of my life, not my WHOLE life. I have an inkling lately to GET OUT and ENJOY REAL LIFE! Real, physical, tangible...LIFE! Not pretend games and quizes and quests. Not "chatting," online, but rather in PERSON, like real 3 Dimensional people do, or at least we should be! So, I think that's another reason I'm a bit depressed lately, it's because I've realized that even though I love my husband a lot, and my life in general....I'm lonely. I'm honestly a little lonely. I want friends in TOWN, across the table from me. A few weeks ago, Colin & I had two events that we attended, a wedding & a concert--and I LOVED it! I LOVED going out and INTERACTING with the world---instead of my computer screen, TV Remote and other FLAT SURFACES! Here's the thing--I'm really a loner, I sincerely LIKE spending time with myself--I enjoy my company and when I'm SURROUNDED with people and do NOT get time along, I go a bit crazy--not literally, but I'm one of those who NEEDS to my time to myself--AWAY from others, but you know what? At 25, I'm finally realizing that I DO need people. I DO need social interaction. I DO need to go out and like my grandma's always said to me, perhaps, I am a "Social Butterfly." I always disliked it when she said that, but she's not that wrong. She's grandma, you know, she can't ever be totally wrong! But still, I need BALANCE! I need EQUAL time alone, and with others! My mother always told me to BALANCE my life, and while STRIVING for BALANCE is never-ending and at times, completely unattainable....she too, is right! I didn't get this smart on my own, I have a fabulously smart mother and grandmother--I am so blessed! And the truth is, I am blessed beyond measure, but that doesn't distract from the fact that sometimes, life gets in the way. Sometimes, you feel a little blue. But after having written this entry, no matter how ALL OVER THE PLACE it may have been (sorry, folks!), and eating a LOAD of fresh fruits/veggies for dinner last, I AM feeling better! I AM getting in the mood to tackle at least ONE thing around my house. And I AM human, so I'm allowed to get down and blue occasionally. But I also know, that above all...because I did meditate this morning....I AM a child of God. I AM a child of the Light! I AM Strong and capable! And I AM ready to log off this computer and go participate in real life...follow my own advice...even if it means I'm stuck in paperwork today, rather than people! Oh well, maybe tomorrow! Thank you, Lord, for everything! I AM blessed! And it is ALL because You! Please forgive me for my down moments, you know my heart, you know my head, and you know that I always mean well! Please continue to bless those people, and things, that I love!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)