Restful Friday!

Note: I hadn't intended this entry to be so long, but it just turned out that way! The point is; I had one of the best Birthdays/Christmases of my life! Thanks to ALL of you for helping to make that happen! I'm so blessed! If you're in the mood for a long read, enjoy!

I have a confession to make: I'm actually GLAD Christmas is over! LOL! For the first time in my life, although this was probably the LEAST stressful holiday season I've had in years....

I'm honestly & truthfully glad that Christmas is over! I'm glad my Birthday is too! It was lovely and wonderful and feels absolutely terrific to be 25, but my gosh, yes, I'm ready to go on now! (Besides, I'm ready to celebrate Colin's birthday next month! Get ready, babe!)

Last night, I was a little sad, about it all being over, Christmas night is always a little depressing for me because yes, it is all over...but this morning (or rather this afternoon since it's 1:30pm at the moment), I'm so glad it's done! What a relief!

This was actually one of my best Birthdays/Christmases I've ever had! The whole week was just fabulous!

At first, I was severely upset that Colin & I didn't make it home to Reno, or L.A., but then, last night, as we sat on our couch together, watching the fire crackling in our fireplace, I was actually really glad we didn't go anywhere!

It was our first Christmas ever, together, that we were in OUR home! And that was pretty special!

No offense to his family or mine, I also found myself missing his mom & grandma terribly yesterday morning! Colin & I had spent the last 2 Christmases with them, so it was rather odd to not have them around us, opening presents (we broke our 'no presents' commandment just slightly--more on that later!)...but it was also really nice to just be home, with each other, and my mom. She is my family too, you know!

Anyway, I'm still sad I didn't get to see my grandma and Henry, and truth be told, like I said, I do miss Jerri & Bobbi a lot as well; but, I think Colin & I are adults now. We have our own home, our own life and we've become each other's own family; and there's something really special and sweet about that!

The best part of the entire Christmas season? We didn't have one single fight! That was the best Birthday/Christmas gift of all! Okay, admittedly, it took some work to accomplish that; I think a lot of it is just keeping our mouths shut and keeping our aggrivation factors in check! LOL! But, seriously, it was such a lovely and peaceful 4 days with him last weekend, and a lovely and peaceful week! I thoroughly enjoyed it!

The funny part is, there was nothing super spectacular about it! No going anywhere, or doing anything imparticular; we didn't give or receive super special gifts, we didn't have a party, nor did we go to any parties. But still, it was really special!

This Christmas taught me that Christmas is what you make it; the feeling and the magic of it doesn't have to be over the top traveling, scurring, hurrying, decorating, making, baking, taking, buying, seeing, doing; in fact, I think this has been one of my best Christmases becuase we DIDN'T do all of that! It was calm and serene and real!

So, about the 'no presents rule,'......Colin & I did end up going to Wal-mart on Sunday and buying each other a few select gifts with a $10 spending limit! I am glad we ended up giving each other a few gifts, but honestly, the sheer stress that is taken out of the holiday season without the gift giving, is tremendous! It actually makes the holiday season much more enjoyable! At least for me!

Anyway, my man was driving me a little crazy in Wal-Mart (okay, a lot crazy, and not in a good way!) because he kept saying that he couldn't find anything to buy me within the $10 limit....i-yi-yi....I was like "are you kidding me?! There's TONS of stuff here; slippers, jewelery, books, Christmas stuff, candles, $5 movies, a tea kettle that's on sale for $8...what the heck are you talking about, there's NOTHING in this store? We're in freakin' Wal-Mart for goodness sakes!" It was really annoying, UNTIL....

I CHANGED MY perspective on it; perhaps, just maybe....maybe he wanted to find/buy me something really special, unique and something that I'd remember. Perhaps he wasn't saying this to annoy me (which I'm sure he wasn't), but he was saying this because he was frustrated with the (in his mind) lack of quality gifts to give his girl...and you know, when I stopped complaining at him and looked at it that way, it became a really sweet gesture!

How sweet and kind of him to think that nothing's good enough for me? I mean, that doesn't say a lot about me, because I really don't think I'm THAT difficult to please, but I digress.....Colin is picky about a lot of things, but sometimes, that can be good thing!

And you know what, yesterday morning (Christmas Day) when I opened those gifts he so painstakingly picked out for me, guess what I got? I ended up getting BOTH the tea kettle (which I've wanted for 9 months now!) and the comfy pink slippers (which I truthfully needed since mine fell apart last week, literally, they just came apart at the seams!). How lucky am I that my fiancee' got me exactly what I needed, wanted and asked for? See, he CAN and DOES listen! LOL!

Colin is very quiet about the way he listens to me; it's not noticable, I have to ASK what he wants, and sometimes he has trouble telling me; I like knowing, because hey, I'm NOT a guy, and I'm NOT a mind reader either! We are two (very) different people and I think it's better to ask about something than assume, well, in most cases, I'm trying to apply that philosophy to every area of our life, but I can't say I'm always successful with it!

ANYWAY....Colin does, and has always, known me really well. It's odd sometimes and can tend to freak me out, but I love that I have a man that does tune in occasionally! Not always, but I really believe he tries! And that's all I can ask!

Anyway, I LOVE my slippers, they're so warm and comfy and he even knew to get the pink ones so that they wouldn't show dirt as much as the white ones would have! Smart! And my tea kettle, I'll be having a cup of tea later on today, so I'll let you know how that gift turns out! I'm sure it'll be great!

I found myself really not missing the abundance of presents this year; I actually preferred getting just two or three small (inexpensive in this case) gifts that I really liked! It made me more special, and that way, I'll actually remember what I got! LOL! WHAT a concept! Remember when we were kids and we got so many presents that by the time we went back to school, we couldn't even remember what we'd gotten? That was fun back then, but I prefer the situation now!

Christmas has more meaning now!

I also had a lovely birthday!

Colin had to work, but I ended up going to his work and meeting him for lunch! It was fun! I wasn't that hungry since my mom had just made me hasbrowns for my birthday breakfast, so I had a strawberry lemonade! It was yummy! I love lemonade! Anyway, then I stopped at the world-famous, historic Las ZVegas sign on the South end of the Strip and took pictures! Then, I came home, took a nap, went to Fresh N' Easy (my favorite Grocery Store) and came home and cooked dinner! I enjoy cooking a lot, so it wasn't a big deal to me that I ended up cooking on my birthday! I enjoyed it! Then, I sat with Colin and we hung out! It was nice! I got a little upset that people weren't calling me; by 7pm, the only people I'd heard from were my good friend, Donnie, and my best girlfriend, Tessa! Now, in all fairness, Miss Claudia called me the night before my birthday and sang me a lovely little song--so sweet and joyful it was! And I did talk to my M-I-L and G-I-L, (Jerri & Bobbi) the night before my birthday as well! So, it wasn't like nobody was acknowledging my birthday! Besides, most of my friends acknowledged my Birthday on MySpace by leaving really sweet & thoughtful birthday wishes, I really am so blessed by all of them! And, also, all of my friends ended up sending me a birthday card, either by e-mail or snail mail; either way, I just love cards, I'm not picky, I just want cards! They're so important to me and I keep them forever (at least the paper ones 'cuz you can't save the links to e-cards forever, otherwise, I would! LOL!) I got beautiful cards from my mom, Colin, grandma Elizabeth & Henry, Tessa, Ellen, Jerri, Bobbi, Claudia and others as well! So, in light of that, I'm not so proud of how I was acting for about an hour the night of my actual birthday, but I don't know....birthdays are so very important to me, not just my own, but the birthdays of everyone that I love...and I always make such a big deal about them, it's difficult sometimes to realize that because my birthday does fall so close to Christmas and people are so busy and rushed with holiday stuff, sometimes, they do forget...or they remember but are just too busy to call until late at night, or the next day. I really have to forgive that and not take it personally. I mean, after all, I know I am NOT the center of the Universe here! Anyway, I'm very happy to report that by 11pm that night, EVERYONE DID end up calling me! I talked to my Grandma Elizabeth at 8:50am that morning, because I was just so darn excited to actually be 25, that I had to call SOMEONE and couldn't stand it any longer! Donnie called at 12:30pm, Tessa called around 7pm, (and helped sing me Happy Birthday! Yay!) Jerri called around 10:15pm and best of all, somewhere between Tessa and Jerri; my sisters called me! And my dad too! It was so wonderful to talk with them on my birthday; it's always wonderful talking with them, but especially so on my birthday! I ended up talking with my dad for a good twenty minutes or so and it was just lovely! I love our relationship today. For all the crap and missed out years we've had, we're sure making up for it now! I found a forgiveness and love in my heart for my dad that continues to grow the older I get, and I just love it! I really love and appreciate the fact that he's shown humility and love and pride towards me in recent years. I know he's always loved me, always, and he's always thought of me and been proud of me; but it's nice to be a regular part of each other's lives now! As adults, I'm enjoying it a lot! It's an added, unexpected, but beautiful blessing and addition to my life! It's wonderful!

On another note: I was reading a great book called "Now You're Speaking My Language," by Gary Champman and it's a Christian Book about marriage and relationships! It's really helped me! It says that you have to love and respect your partner and sincerely think the best of them. You have to think, know and act like you know they have your best interest at heart, and you have their best interests at heart as well! It says we're all creations/children of God, and He wanted us to be happy, joyful and growing in love in our lives! Not just in marriage, but in all areas of life and every relationship in which we're a part of! I think there's a real peace in knowing Christ. I've found a peace in knowing that God loves me and wants the best for me, and that He never promised an easy life, but He did promise an abundant one full of love, joy, trials and tribulations, and always, lessons; many, many lessons! I've found my spiritual life and walk with God growing and expanding. The closer I get to actual marriage, the more I want to get the rest of my life in order; my other relationships, especially the ones with all of my parents, my finances, my beliefs.

I've always known who I was and what I believed in; always, but I feel that depending and renewing, and it's really wonderful! I think, no, I KNOW, that Colin & I, like so many other couples around the globe, are here to teach each other! He is here to teach me love, forgiveness, acceptance, a non-judgemental attitude, among other things. And I think I'm here to teach him spiritually. I can't do that outright, and it's NOT my goal in life to "set him straight," or anyone for that matter, I can't do that, I'm not that powerful--only God is. But, I can teach and lead by example. I can be the kind of person, and spouse to Colin, that I would want to have. I can practice forgiveness, as well as confrontation in a constructive manner, and give and receive love.

I'm so darn proud of Colin and myself lately; we're really working on it. And it IS a daily process. It's a daily choice we make to honor the commitment we've made together! Sometimes, we fail misserably at it, and other days, we soar sky high together; it's kind of hit and miss. But it's so darn worth it! And the "work" of it, is getting a little easier. I think we're more settled, and I think we're more accepting of each other. I know that marriage, like life, is never flat out "easy," but right now, it's easier than other times we've experienced together, and I'm so thoroughly enjoying it!

Admittedly, there's days we're not so into it, there's days we need our own time and space, there's days we argue and fight and drive each other insane; but I think any couple who's being honest with themselves, or with you, will tell you that! It is a daily thing. But what a tremendous blessing it is! To have a friend, and partner who you KNOW is on your side, no matter what! You may disagree whole heartedly and go toe to toe on a plethera of different issues; but at the end of the day, you're there, together! I absolutely, positively love that feeling, and even though the work of maintaining that doesn't always make life easier, I think overall, having that partner does make life easier! And it's especially wonderful having a partner, friend and lover at the holiday season! It's such an abundantly romantic time of year! It's just great!

It can be crazy and stressful and insane, most definately; but it can also be entirely love, peaceful & sweet! It is what you make it! And luckily, thankfully, this year, Colin & I decided to make it great! And I'm so glad!

That book is really helping me and I highly reccomend it!

So, all and all, I had a great birthday! And a great Christmas as well!

Yesterday, I got up before everyone else and meditated, a lot. It was a truly fantastic meditation session! I prayed and thanked God for all of His blessings, and the birth of His Son, Jesus Christ. And then I got started making some absolutely marvelous spaghetti sauce for the manacotti that I'd make later in the day! Then, my mom joined me and Colin got up at that point, and we sat and talked for a while and opened our gifts! Then, I made the manacotti, talked to a few friends/family and my mom and I took off for the movies! We went and saw 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons,' and what a movie it was! Oh, so good! I highly reccomend it! It's a little slow, a little long, but so worth it! It was a great movie, and definately worth seeing, I'm so glad we did! There's a ton of other movies I want to see right now; "Marley & Me," "Revolutionary Road," "The Tale of Desperaux," and Colin & I want to see the new Disney movie with Adam Sandler, "Bedtime Stories," because it looks so funny! We'll get to them eventually or wait for them to come out on DVD! speaking of DVDs, I also want to see 'Mama Mia' which is on DVD now, I should really go rent that, since I'm spending this lazy Friday lounging around in bed! Maybe I'll talk Colin into picking it for me on the way home since I don't feel like getting dressed and going out, I just want to stay in bed today; as happy as I am, my stomach is way messed up.....the only downside of our Christmas celebration was the fact that I ended up getting my famous horrible heartburn after dinner, yuck--that was definately not fun, but despite that, it was still a great evening!

Since my mom and I didn't make it to the movies on my birthday, I'm glad we went on Christmas Day! It was nice! After that, we came home, ate the Manacotti, and then.....I got heartburn so I couldn't help clean up, I felt really bad about that, but then I realized that I already do so much around here and I was honestly sick, and I'd left the kitchen/clean-up duties relatively easy for them, so I just sat on the couch and waited for my heartburn to go away....that's just horrible stuff, you know. I haven't had it in a long time, but yuck! No wonder I eat the way I do, I don't know how I dealt with that all the time like I used to, no fun at all, thanks anyway! But, because of that, my stomach is messed up today and my feet and back are hurting a bit, so I've decided to do nothing and just be lazy in bed....I feel kind of guilty about it, like I'm somehow wasting the day, but in all reality, we all need a day of rest sometimes.

And if my body is telling me to rest, from experience, I should probably listen to it. After all, this is the time of year that I'm most apt to get sick with something awful like pnuemonia or what not, so I'm going to make the choice to not feel guilty about it, listen to my body and just rest. The house is pretty clean, the kitchen is spotless ((thank you mom & Colin) and whatever worries or cares I have can wait 'till tomorow!

Perhaps I'll feel like getting up later and doing something constructive with myself, I don't know! I'm enjoying writing and reading and watching Food Network today! I'm absolutely loving reading lately which is odd because growing up, I hated to read. Oh, my mother read to me every night as a child and I loved that, but as for doing it myself, I hated it. She used to BEG me to read books. And to this day, I'm not a fiction reader, I prefer real stuff like spirituality, psychology, self-help, biographies, history or food-related books, but I'm so glad that at this point in my life, I've found a love of reading, it's so great! Books really are an escape! And no, I've nothing pressing to escape from and I'm truthfully not depressed. I just feel like resting, that's all. It's nice to be able to.

I'm so fortunate that I can do this today; whatever I want, staying in bed, relaxing, reading and what not. I really, really, really want to go to work somewhere and do SOMETHING, because trust me, sitting around the house, reading and such, does get really old and boring and depressing even after a while. A person can only watch so much TV, read so much and think so much, you know! I did look into a few volunteer opportunities around near my house so hopefully I'll hear back from those. And I'd love to get a job, oh, that'd be so nice! I really, really, really want to work! I'm 25 for goodness sakes (I LOVE saying that!)....but, today, I'm glad to be home!

I'm so tremendously blessed and fortunate and lucky! My life is truly grand! I had a fantastic 25th Birthday and Christmas and I'm looking so foward to 2009! I'm ready to move onto bigger & better things! I'm ready for some changes, positive, relatively easier ones, I hope! But...today, I'm just going to chill out and enjoy my home! It's cold out anyway!

Thank you Lord, for a truly lovely and beautiful Birthday and Christmas; for my family & friends who made me feel (and always do, every day) so special and loved! Thank you for the peace of the season, the gift of rest, home and family! Thank You for my Colin, my Nellie, my mothers, grandmothers, girlfriends, hair, eyes, ears, mouth, nose, size, taste, ability to cook, clean, read and be, thank you for my fingers, toes, arms, legs, sight, sound, hearing, voice, movement, thoughts, feelings and revelations! Thank you most of all for the wonderful relationships in my life, especially the one with You! Please, please, please continue to bless it all! Bye for now!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

P.S. My mother and I were discussing, yesterday, where I was my first Christmas...and she was telling me all about how I had every tube known to man coming out of me, in surgery and in an incubator and on medical drugs and so and so forth. And you know, even with the painful heartburn last night and aches and pains today, how beyond lucky am I, that THIS is where I am today? I'm more "normal" and "healthier," than I'd ever thought I'd be. I mean, I KNEW five years ago at 20 (on my 20th birthday I had such a peaceful feeling of 'making it') that I'd make it. But, man,, five years later, I'm just thriving! I mean, I'm always going to battle my health; I'm always going to have to fight to maintain it. I cannot be careless or reckless about it; I do have to live a very certain way because of it. I will always have stomach problems, and back problems, and days when I struggle to breathe or even speak (sometimes my voice just will NOT come out), but still.....I'm just abundantly blessed! I AM HERE! I AM WELL! I am better off than anyone had ever imagined I would be! So, in light of all that, how could I NOT be happy and grateful and blessed!? How could I not thank God for my gifts! My heatlh is the biggest gift of all and I have it so much better than so many millions of others out there! I really do! There's days when I get pissed at my body, where I question God (yes I do) and I think 'why, why, why?' but overall, I'm glad I was sick, I'm glad that not everything comes easy in this life. I'm glad I have the appreciation, the joy and the compassion that I do, because I was sick. I cannot imagine my life any other way, I really can't. I do have my down downs, sure, I do question the extent of what I've been through, I think we all do at some point or another, but overall, I'm just so blessed and happy to be here! I'm 25 now...TWENTY-FIVE...what a miracle that is! Compared to where I started, I'm doing pretty darn good! Thank you, Lord, for it all; and to my family, friends and Colin for making THIS part of my life so special and blessed! -SL :)