Lessons from Other Fathers...

From an article on MSN...some words of wisdom...NOT my own!

I saw that debt leads to panic.

You make your own family. He wasn't able to fully verbalize what he meant, but most families are accidents of DNA. As a man, you make your own family unit and you keep that as tight as possible and…you would die for them if you had to. We have that in our lives, I have that in my life.

There's no book to teach you. My father told me you learn how to preach by preaching. The only way you're going to learn it is to go out there and do it and learn from your mistakes. And he's right.

My father is careful with women. He would not even ride in the same car with a woman other than my mother. I remember in Little Rock, Hillary Clinton, when she was the wife of Governor Clinton, wanted to meet my father for lunch. She wanted to have a private conversation. Daddy said, "I'd be glad to meet you, but we'll meet in a public place." My father told me, "I'm going to be above reproach and not allow myself ever to be accused of something that wasn't morally right."
God did not give us religion. Religion is man's attempt to reach a holy God.

Life is a circle. When you are small, your relationship with your parents is one thing, and then you get to be an adult and they start treating you like an adult. And then when you are older, the roles reverse. Instead of the parents providing for the children, now we as children are helping to provide for our parents.

Watching him, I learned the power of alcohol. (That would be a lesson from my dad, Jim, as well. I learned that real well!)

He had a Christian view of marriage. Your wife is to be cherished and taken care of. We are to love and appreciate our wives as we care for our own spirits. He struggled in his marriages, but he also had that sense of determination: I'm going to stick to it. He believed that no matter what, you stay together, you work it out. I saw him do that regularly with my mother, forgive as his religion taught him to, as far as from east to west, as if the wrong had never been done.

He stayed in touch with the mystery. My father often said, "I believe that I am directed." He showed me that there was an excitement and a sense of mystery to life. What is my direction? What does God have planned for me? We can never believe that we have it all figured out.

Honesty surpasses dignity. He was able to show his weaknesses and frailties and not lose his dignity. He was honest, and I believe that honesty has to surpass concern for your personal dignity. You have to expose yourself to be appreciated and respected. My father in lots of ways was like Job in the Bible. He prayed many times for his physical or spiritual pain to be removed. But he never cursed God because of those pains. He owned them.He said to love as strong and hard as you can. At the end of his life, he was sad. He felt loneliness because he was without my mother. What he was trying to relate to me when he said this was "Let people know you love them. Get close. Stay close. And be true. Live life to its fullest, as if each day were the last." I saw him live that way, and I believe that he didn't carry any regrets with him.

it's not about the destination, it's about the journey


I learned about integrity by watching him in his professional life. In order to maintain the respect of the people you do business with, they have to know you're a straight shooter, that when you give your word, you can be counted on.

He was a true gentleman, old school. It wasn't grandiose gestures. You could tell he had great respect, love and affection for Mom, in particular, and other women as well. It's the little things: opening the door, letting her go through the doorway first. To some people it may be corny, but I think it's the little gestures that show the deep-seated respect and affection. I would never profess to be as gallant as Dad was, but I hope it has a carryover effect on my two boys, who are 8 and 10.

When you see a man who respects women, it's a powerful lesson. It's not a hardship, and it's not something you have to work at. You can see that someone can be graceful and gentlemanly and respectful. My father was the exact opposite of the guy who goes out and buys his wife $100,000 earrings and the rest of the time is a jerk

Anybody who thinks marriage is smooth sailing is not being realistic. It's the challenges in life that make us stronger, not the easy times. I'm very happily married to the most wonderful woman in the world, and if I had known how wonderful it was going to be, I would have married her sooner.

He was a very forgiving person. He didn't carry a grudge. He was not that type of man, even though he faced fierce competitors such as Tip O'Neill and Lyndon Johnson and even Ronald Reagan. In a professional sense, they were very fierce competitors, but Dad was one of those people who, when the professional part was over, was the first to reach out. I think he would have called them all good friends. If you go to his remarks when he took office, they sum it up pretty succinctly. He spoke of serving the country at a very difficult time, maybe at one of the most difficult times in our country's history, and he was grateful for his relationship with God, and finally he said, "I'm beholden to no man, but to one woman." And that's who he was.

Happy Father's Day!!!

Happy Father’s Day!!! What I Learned from Dad--times two!

Today is loaded: it's Father's Day, mine and Colin's 19 month anniversary (that's one year and seven months!), and tomorrow is my mother's Birthday!!!

Colin's at work today and since it's going to be 106* today, my plan is to just enjoy my Sunday.... no cooking, no cleaning, no tending to anything!

Colin and I enjoyed our two days together, and had a wonderful time at his cousin, Kari's Bridal Shower! I was the toilet paper bride, literally, I volunteered to be the bride that got wrapped in a toilet paper dress! It was actually quite fun! Kari and her fiancee', Ben, played silly games about knowing each other...and got some nice gifts! The nice thing about living together before marriage is that you already have most of what you need, so when it's time to register for wedding gifts, you get to make list of what you WANT, instead of just what you need! Very cool!

Anyway, at the moment, I'm listening to Jack Johnson on YouTube. He's one of my favorite artists of my generation! I also like John Mayer, Sheryl Crow, Rob Thomas, Santana (not my generation, but stilll!). Gwen Stefani, No Doubt, Kellly Clarkson. That's about it! Oh, Uncle Kracker too-- I like him a lot! The music started to get good again around the year I graduated, 2002. I watched the ACM'S the other night on CMT or GAC or one of those and Garth Brooks did a medley of all his biggest hits, and my oh my...it was truly awesome to see him back on stage, performing live and singing! It brought back a buttload of great memories....I've lived my life to his music....well, his and most of 1990s Country! I don't really care if people don't like country, I still LOVE it! I've even got Colin listening to Lonestar occasionally--yay!!! :) Anyway, today, on YouTube, I also looked at some Billy Dean videos, WOW! MAJOR memories there! Such fun!! :) He sang to me nine years ago on Tuesday...6/17/99, NINE years ago, I was 15....such a little girl back then and such a grown woman ow! Doesn't matter, though, really, it's still one of my most favoirte memories in life! It's really fun to go back and look at old Billy videos, or Garth videos or even, of course, Judd videos! They make me laugh and cry and bring me back to me...my roots and solidity, it's great!

Anyhow, today is Father's Day and I'd like to talk a little about my dad; well, both of them, actually, please indulge me!

I'm lucky; I've have two dads!

One, my original & bilogical father, whom I lovingly call Dad. His name is Joe.

My dad is the one with whom I share blood & genes, as well as great smarts, a love of romance, a serious adoration for good music and a stubborn streak. (Well, actually, I get that stubborn streak from my dad, my mom, and my grandma--it just runs in the family!) The best things I share with my dad though, are; really cute feet; dark, curly/wavy hair and one of the best blessings I've ever received; three beautiful girls--his other three daughters and my beloved sisters! I love my dad so very much. The older I get, and the closer I get to marriage, my love and respect for my dad continues to grow! I absolutely love the relationship we share today and the person he's helped me become! I miss him every day and so wish that we lived down the street from each other so I could drop in and say "hi," and give him a hug! My dad is an extremely hard worker and a survivor. He survived cancer, my own chronic illness, addiction, my mother, (sorry, mom) and three more daughters after me! LOL! My dad is definately a man of strength and character and I love him more and more, every single day! My dad also inpires me because he went back to school and got his degree, when he was in his 40s, and because of that, today, he's in a job he truly loves. I so greatly admire that! I won't lie, for various reasons, my dad and I have, at times, struggled with our relationship. But, I will say this: through it all, my dad and I have loved each other continously to our core. We were both different people years ago, and I, well, I was just a kid. Young and knieve and not open to the humaness that parents so often exhibit. But I love my dad, I always have and I always will. I'm so proud of him and of myself and of the relationship we share today! It's absolutely fabulous and better than I ever imagined! And most of all, I'm MOST proud, grateful, appreciative and glad to say that yes, when I get marry Colin next March, my dad WILL be walking me down the aisle!! THAT means more to me than he will ever know and that alone, says it all! I know my dad has always loved me and been proud of me and I can't think of a better way to say that than to give me away! I love you dad, Happy Father's Day!!! :)

Then I have my Daddy Jim...I call him in Daddy because constantly saying "Dad" can get a little confusing, even for me, even when they're my own dads! LOL! Jim is the one that raised me from the age of 4-10 years. Technically, my step-dad....or former, step-dad, actually. For six years, I was his little girl and we shared a home and my mom! He went to my school meetings, recitals and two of my 32 surgeries. (It should be said, however, that my dad, Joe, was definately there for the first 3 years of my life, as much as he could be, every weekend, all the time, for every pre-toddler surgery I ever had, my dad (Joe) was definately there!) Jim was also there when I cracked my head open (literally) and almost bled to death on the kicthen counter. He kept my mother calm and held me while my mother raced into town to get me the ER. Jim and I built things together; he helped me get my Ms. Fix It badge in Girl Scouts, went to a father/daughter dance with me once and tried like hell to clean up the Kool-Aid disaster in our kitchen one afternoon when mom was sleeping. Turns out, she heard the whole thing from her bedroom, but oh well, we tried! Jim and I went fishing together and camping. We traveled up and down the West Coast in his motor home, a few times, to visit my dad, Joe! Jim and I cleaned the house together and rocked out to Creedance Clear Water and the Righteous Brothers! Jim and I would travel into town to see my mom at work...I'd get all dressed up, pick out his outift and we'd take off. He'd let me order anything I wanted and showed me many times over how a man should treat me; with kindness, respect and manners. Jim was a gentleman who treated me a like a little lady. He told me that a man should always open my door, put my coat on for me and help me up and down the stairs. Let me tell you something; every single date I went on, I kept those daddy-daughter dates in mind....I always kept that checklist in my head and I would've never considered marrying Colin if he hadn't been a gentleman from the begining! Jim built up our backyard and let me help sand the deck! And Jim was a firefighter. A real, live fire-fightin' man! He came home with hilarious stories about medical runs (when fireman go to medical calls and car accidents, instead of fires!), and smelling like smoke. Every year, on my field trips to the local firehouses, I was bored stiff, because I already knew all that stuff! To this day, I have the utmost respect for firefighters...even before 9/11/01, I loved and respected firefighters, and always will! Thanks to Jim! Now, that being said....firefighting is a tough and stressful job to say the least. And, firefighters have a lot of time on their hands. My daddy Jim spent his spare time drinking.....and I don't mean Coca-Cola! Jim loved his beer, and the older I got, the more he loved it. He drank and drank a lot. And eventually, he drank too much for my mother to stick around. I do not blame her one bit for leaving. Even now, as an adult, with an impending marriage of my own, I wouldn't have stayed in that mess either. I know it takes two to make a marriage work and my mother is far from saintly herself..but, the same level of greatness that their marriage had started out with was the same level of ugliness it ended with. Jim left, moved next door (literally) and mom and I moved down the highway to a mobile home. I was so angry with him I literally could not see straight. My daddy had left me and I couldn't have been more hurt. I hated him, back then; for leaving me, for hurting us. For turning out to be some drunken asshole who I no longer recognized. I wanted to hurt him. I want to inflict the same level of pain on Jim that he'd inflicted on me and my mother. I spent many, many years angry and hurt. And while the anger has subsided, and the hurt is no longer on the forefront of my emotions...the pain of mother and Jim's divorce will never truly leave me. I was never sorry my mom and dad, Joe, divorced. In my opinion, they were very different from the start and could've never been truly happy. I think those two were mis-matched from the get go. And if they had stayed together, my dad (Joe) wouldn't have his lovely wife, Kim, and none of us would have my gorgeous sisters! But, my mom and Jim. Different story. They were truly happy for a while...I saw it, I felt it, I lived it. I was a witness and a by-product of their love and happiness. Today, I am a witness and by-product of divorced parents--twice over. And it's made me nothing but sure and steadfast in the success of my own marriage. I do NOT want to be divorced and/or EVER put my child (when we have them) through the mess of parental addiction and divorce. No thanks! But you know, I can't say I'm sorry my mom and Jim divorced. If they hadn't, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have come to Vegas, I probably would've have met Colin and I wouldn't be anywhere near the person I am today. Perhaps my mom and Jim's divorce made me jaded and cynical at a very early age, but it also made me real, honest and strong, and after that, there's no way I could've ever been knieve! I am glad that my mom and Jim split up, they were no longer good for each other. Life is too short to put up with verbal abuse and misery, I would never want my mother to be truly un-happy; life's too short for that too! But, here's what I do wish: I wish that when Jim stopped being my mother's husband, he hadn't stopped being my dad too! I miss Jim so much. And unilke, my dad, Joe, I can't call Jim. I can't talk with Jim and honestly, I'm not even sure if he's still alive. Perhaps the alcahol has gotten the best of him by now...actually, it got the best of him long ago, but it could've very well taken his life by now, I don't know. I hope not. I really hope not. Last time I checked, in February 2007, he was still alive and still living next door to the house I grew up in. I hate to sound bitter, and I sincerely do not wish him any harm or ill-will...but I do hope he's alive. And I hope that he looks at that house that he and my mother partially raised me in...every day and lives with his decision. I'm sorry, I really am....I don't mean to live in the past, and what's done is done....life works out the way it's supposed to and you end up where you're supposed to be, I truly believe that. I wouldn't be where or whom I am without everything that's happened in my life and I honestly wouldn't change any of it. However, I do miss my daddy Jim. And I do wish he were more sober and still in my life today. But he's not, and that's the way it is. And absolutely none of this takes away from the positive effects Jim has had on my life. Because he's had many. None of the way it has turned out (not at all) with Jim changes the fact that for six years, he was my daddy. NOT a replacement for my dad Joe, NOT a stand-in when Joe couldn't be there, and NOT any more or less important than Joe....not at all....but most of my childhood memories remain with Jim. And for that, I'll always be grateful!

It should be mentioned that even during my formative childhood years with Jim, I still talked to and saw my dad, Joe! My dad and I talked on the phone, wrote letters (there was no email back then!) and saw each other whenever we could. And even when we didn't, Jim was NEVER a replacement for Joe. I always wanted my dad (Joe) in my life, I always missed my dad in my life if/when he wasn't, and I NEVER forgot who my original dad was! I was just lucky that for a while, I had two dads! And I still consider myself the product of four parents today; my mother, my grandmother, my dad Joe and my step-dad, Jim. I had four parents, some were at different times, some came and went in my life and some remain (all but Jim). And even if my dad (Joe) wasn't there for the day to day stuff like Jim was, I know it wasn't through my dad's choice. I know that if my dad (Joe) could've been there, he would've been. I know that he loved me and missed me through it all. And whether or not he realizes it, my dad was NEVER in competition with Jim......and still isn't to this day. I have a huge place in my heart for both of them and I love both dearly....no matter what; I always have and I always will!

My dad Joe taught me these wonderful things: to always be grateful for what you DON'T have AND don't want! That's majorly important and a lesson I remember daily! That romance is really just thoughtfullness in a prettier package! My dad taught me that you have to work at a marriage and honor that commitment you made, no matter what. That it isn't always easy, but it's what's right. My dad taught me that you can love someone with all your might, even from thousands of miles away. My dad taught me that no one and nothing is ever what it seems. My dad taught me that holding onto grudges it really a waste of time. (My mother taught me that too, a lot, but I digress!). My dad taught me that family doesn't always mean shared memories and total understanding! My dad taught me the love of good, old music. My dad taught me that you have to love what you do, because if you love what you do, than it'll rarely feel like work. My dad taught me that education is vital, and that it's never too late to obtain one...both formally and life-wise. And my dad taught me that it's never too late for apologies and second chances!
It's worth noting that the lessons my dad has provided with me are all very real, honest and life-changing. I use his words of wisdom in my every day life and am truly grateful for his sharing them!

My daddy Jim taught me these things: most everything in life CAN be fixed to some extent, except a broken heart...that only heals with time, and even then, sometimes never completely. (The last part, he taught by example!). Jim taught me that you if you're a girl, it's important to be a lady; and if you're a guy, it's important to be gentleman. Jim taught me how to set up a fishing pole, sand a deck and that hot tubs are filled with COLD water. I know, but at 10, I didn't know that, and I learned the hard way, almost freezing my feet off jumping in a cold hot tub! LOL! Jim taught me that housework is/should be 50/50...that real men cook, clean, dust and vacum right alongside their wives! Jim taught me how to make a mean fried chicken and delicious home fries! Jim taught me how to stop, drop & roll and check my door in case of a fire. Sure, anyone can learn that from TV, a field trip or now a days, a website. But, I learned it at four years old, live and in person from a real firefighter. Jim taught me how to hangt a picture, use a level, and dance while you're doing housework! But the most important lesson Jim taught me was this: that nothing good ever comes of regular, consistent drinking. That enjoying a drink on your weekend can easily turn into a full-blown life-altering and ugly addiction. And Jim taught me that no buzz or tasty swig of beer is worth trading in your home and family for. To this day, I'm a very cautious drinker if/when I drink at all, and I cannot stand drunks--anytime, anywhere. So, maybe I learned this lesson the hard way, but I'm glad I learned it young, it's kept me on the straight and narrow and it's kept me real. It was worth learning then, and it's a lesson I will carry for a lifetime!

So, that's what I learned from my dads! Both of them! And ultimately, at the end of the day; when I rise above it all, and return to being an understanding adult about everything. When I realize once again that being a parent is hard and that everyone does the best they can.....when it comes to my dad and Jim.....I love them both so very much. I appreciate and respect them both so very much. And I am nothing but absolutely, eternally grateful for them both. Even if my relationships with both of them has weaved in and out of my life and been tough at times, or sometimes, not at all....I'm a very lucky and blessed woman because I have felt the influence of two dads. Two men who at their core, were and are wonderful men. I truly believe that! One of whom I love more every day (Dad) and both of whom, I miss every day!

To all the fathers and daddies out there, everywhere! Thank you for all you do your kids, your families, your women! You do my respect and gratitude and like it or not, you ultimately shape who we are! Thank you! Happy Father's Day everyone!

Thank you Lord for my two dad's, and every single thing they've brought to my life, and every single way they've added to it and enriched it so much! And thank You, also, Lord, for the future father of my own children, Colin! And our entire blessed life together!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)