Growing Up, Loving Life..., Enjoying the Moment, Looking Foward to the Future!

Here's what I've posted on MySpace recently!!! I'm definately growing up....marriage and babies are on my mind! Whoa! Go figure! I guess it's just all the happiness I'm feeling! I'm truly grateful for this phase of my life!

Friday: 4/11/08
Confession...Babies on the Brain!
Okay, so all of this wedding talk lately and getting married (or being married without the papers and the party), has got me thinking about babies...yeah, I know. Ten years ago I wasn't ever going to get maried OR have children....but my oh my how things change! I'm in NO HURRY to have kids, and I really DO want to WAIT a while....but you know, yeah, I want a kid. Eventually. I mean, I know it's the single hardest job on earth and it's truly never-ending, exhausting, maddening and everything else...but it's also so joyful, fun, amazing and miraculous. I think it would be good to have a child because it would take the focus off of me...children add so much to your life. If we don't end up with one, that will be okay too, but man, lately, I feel that biological clock ticking. I have that maternal instinct, always have, and now that I have a man who's willing and able to take care of me, and I've found that I enjoy taking care of him, someday, it'd be nice to add to this little family we've made together! We want a daughter. How precious would that be! I can see myself as a mother, and I can also see myself childless too. There's benefits to both. Motherhood both excites me and scares the crap out of me. LOL! But, so does marriage...well, it doesn't scare me so much anymore, and I'm pretty much doing that, and enjoying it, it's just not all official yet. LOL! But anyway, I want my time with my husband first, well and I want him to become my official husband first, too, and I don't want to be too young or too old if/when I become a mom...but I really think that although I'll screw my kids up like every other mother does, if I got to be in my later life years and didn't have a child, I truly think I'd regret it. Everyone around me says I'd be a great mom, even my friends back in High School said I'd be a great mom. And my mom and grandma say that motherhood in our family gets better with every passing generation, so you know. I love and adore children. Yes, they can be annoying, maddening, exhausting and big pain in the butt....but really, what in life isn't? It's what you make of it. I want to pass on so many things to a child...I have so much to teach a child, I have so much to share with a child. I want to help shape another human being. I think we all shape each other in our own ways, but I want to do it from birth. So, yeah, I'm defintely suprising myself here, but I do have babies on the brain. LOL! I'm not sure if this will scare or excite Colin. I know he wants children, always has, we want to be parents. But like I said, I'm in no hurry. I want to enjoy being engaged and have our wedding and honeymoon and be married a while. That's important. I firmly believe it's necessary for a couple to establish a strong foundation with each other BEFORE they become parents, if possible. I do worry about the financial situation, life now a days is SO expensieve and children are beyond expensive. The way the world is going scares me too, how the hell would I explain it to my child? But, you know, I also see a lot of hope in the world today. I see a lot of goodness and greatness and beauty, I think I always have. Life has never been easy for anyone in any generation, and a part of me doesn't want children because of this crazy world and the amount of money they cost and also, well, let's face it, I'm a bit selfish...I like my time, my quiet, my man, my money and my space for myself....but I can also be a mother who finds BALANCE with it all...my own mother taught me that everythign in life is about balance...and I WILL be one of those mothers who takes time for me and works part time outside of the home, or else I'll go absolutely nuts! My husband and child 24/7, whoa, no thanks! That's not to sound mean, but I know that I'm the type of person who'll always need some time and space for me. And I don't see that as selfish, I see it as healthy. All mothers do the best they can with what they know. And all mothers inevitably screw up in some areas. We're all human. But, I want to be a good mother, I want to be a fun mom, a mom whose kids love and respect her. And I want my kids to apprecate life...and me, and their daddy too! I know kids really don't understand what parenting is truly all about until they become parents themselves, but I think if you instill gratitude in your child early on in their life, then it's pretty much given,t hat somewhere along the line, they'll end up appreciating you a bit too! I hope so, anyway! I want to give that unconditional love and I want to receieve it back as well. I want to leave a legacy in this world, and what better way to do that than to be a mother? I won't sit here and say that I think motherhood is easy or perfect or even, something I'll enjoy every single moment of it, but.....I think it might be for me. And I think Colin would be a great dad too! I can see us as parents and grandparents....I want to be a grandma too!!! I know WAY ahead of myself, here, and some days, I'm not even sure the world itself will be here by the time I reach the age of grandmother-hood, but still......I can totally see that! Maybe I'm being knieve or dreamy or whatever, but hey, I'm engaged and a girl can dream can't she? I'm totally and completely happy with my life right now, it's not perfect or easy, but it's wonderful! And I guess I just want to add to that! I'm not looking to have a child to fill a void or "complete me," although I'm sure a child will in some ways, and I'm not looking to become a mom to replace something in my life....I think my desire to be a mom is totally normal and healthy. And there's also days when I don't want to be a mom, and days when I'm glad I'm not a mom right now! Believe me! I love my life the way it is, but change always happens and the way I see it, is, I can be a mother in a multitude of ways! Even if I don't end up with my own kids, I can be the really cool Aunt or babysitter or Godmother or friend. I can influence cihldrens' lives even if their not my own. I'll leave it up to God. If the good Lord above sees it fit that I'm to be a mother, than I know He will send me a child, and if not, than that's really okay too! I'm not totally set on motherhood, but I'm no longer totally against either! I know once you have kids you can't change your mind, but....still, I'll leave it up to the Lord. I know He will give me the grace to live out whatever His plans are for me, He has so far! I never thought I'd ENJOY being a wife (in training) so much...I never thought I wouldn't be scared of marriage (okay, a tad bit scared, still, but not much), I never thought I'd ENJOY taking care of someone the way I enjoy taking are of Colin. But, I do! I SO ENJOY it, of course, not every moment of my life, and there are days when, honestly, I think we both miss being single and care free....but I don't think we ever miss our days without each other. My life before Colin was not empty or void of meaning, but it was so....not grown up, I guess, yeah, that's a good way to put it. My life was fun and lovely and blessed, but man, I was a lot more lonely back then. I was WAY more self-centered and I don't know....I see Colin and I really growing up lately...we're changing, for the better...we're not changing each other, we're just changing and growing as human beings who want to love and care for one another and that is just so awesome! So, anyway, back to motherhood....I know that if God decides to make me a mommy, I will do the best that I can....I'll have a wonderful husband and a partner to help me...and our kid will have the very best grandmas and great-grandmas on earth!!! I'd love to see my mother and Colin's as grandmothers! I know his mother is totally for it, my mother was always okay with it either way, but anyhow. Yeah, today at least, I want to be a mother someday. I have babies on the brain! Wow! I'm amazed by this! LOL! Anyway, I need to go, I have a lot to do today! Thank you Lord for this change in my heart and the new found patience and joy in everyday moments! And thank you, Colin, my love, my sweetheart...for bringing me out of myself and expanding the love and awareness in my life! I love you, baby! God Bless us everyone!
In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008
(So Much) Fun Wedding Planning!
Colin and have been engaged 6 months and 1 day as of today and I think I’m officially excited about our wedding! I spent the first six months of our engagement trying to plan our marriage, and while that is a great idea and totally necessary (I still believe you should plan the marriage more than the wedding), it’s also SO much FUN to be planning the WEDDING!!! Yay! I’m SO excited! I’ve been looking at things and calling places and planning all week and I’m having the time of my life! It’s so stressful and dizzying, but so worth it! It’s such a great stress, the other night, in the midst of negotiation (there IS a reason you plan a wedding first), I looked over at Colin and said "thank you for this stress," and he goes "yeah, okay." But I was serious. I meant that in the nicest way with all sincereity. So often, we get bogged down by the trials and tribulations of life and the little petty crap, and you know, that’s sad. Because yes, life is hard and wedding planning is tough and exhausting at times, but it’s good. It’s a good stress. Lots of and lots people would love the stress of wedding planning and I intend to remember that and enjoy it. I really am enjoying it so much! I never thought I’d ENJOY it this much! To be honest, it’s also one of the MOST EMOTIONAL times of my life, if not THE most emotional....you’re happy, you’re sad, you’re excited, you’re let down, you’re all over the place, at least I am. Let me make it abundatly clear that I am totally sure of Colin and our relationship, but weddings are HIGHLY emotional events, and they stir up a real plethora of emotions! For me, I still have trouble believing that I’M the one getting married, that means I’m old enough ,and if you’re getting married, (hopefully) that means you’re really no longer a kid, and that’s harsh sometimes. The relationship with your parents changes drastically too....it’s on them and hard on you, all for different reasons. And of course, the sheer negotiation and practiced selflessness of planning a wedding is in and of itself, amazing! Colin and I are doing well, compromising and trying not to get short with one another, but that can happen too. As glamorous as weddings are, or can be, planning them and leading up to them, with everything involved, is sure as heck NOT glamorous. But oh’ well, it is a lot of fun!!! :) Colin and I are so excited and there’s a part of me that wants this phase to last forever, and another part of me that wants to just do it, it’s weird....totally mixed on that sometimes. But once again, I am so happy. Colin and I are really working together as a team, not just on our wedding, but with everything else in our lives right now. We have a lot on our plates and we’re handling it pretty well, because, this is life. The day to day errands, bills, chores, decisions, balancing act....this is marriage, without the party or certificate. That comes later. But I really feel like Colin and I are setting ourselves up for a great marriage! We have to remember that it’s not just my wedding or his, it’s OURS. I’m honored to be having a wedding, it’s pretty cool! I’m more honored though to be becoming someone’s (Colin’s, of course), wife! That’s just awesome!I’m looking at places to have a luncheon reception, dresses and photography; I need to call some alteration places and tuxedo rental facilities and see what their prices start at. The list of things to check on, places to call, choices of when/where to have the actual wedding, reception and honeymoon, and things to do, that list is seemingly endless....but the most important thing to remember is that I WILL miss this time in my life once it’s passed...I will want this back. While I think the best is yet to come for Colin and I, together and indivisually, I think, so far, this is the best times of our whole life! Not because it’s perfect or because it’s carefree, it’s far from it, but still, it’s just neat and fun! And at the end of the day, it’s about our love and our life together. And that is something that can be celebrated any day in any way we choose! So, anyway, that’s what’s going on with me. I’ll keep everyone updated as I make more plans! Any suggestions are welcomed, by the way! I know a lot of Brides don’t like that, but I’m new at this, and I only plan on doing this once, so really, any suggestions would be nice! I have figured one thing out, WHOLESALE is the way to go...flowers, candles, favors, etc, wholesale, wholesale, wholesale!!! Anyhow, I’m hungry, it’s lunchtime, I have to go! But thanks for checking in! Life is truly great right now and I’m so happy! Thank you Lord for this beautiful time, this wonderful experience and the people around me to share it with! Please continue to bless all of it! Thank you so much!
P.S. The colors of our wedding are cream/or ivory AND green...spring green, olive green, sage green, close to those types of green! Cool, hunh?
P.S.S.....when I say weddings stir up all sorts of emotions, I wasn’t kidding....confession of a bride-to-be for today, here it is......I looked at a wedding dress online today that I really, really liked and I started to totally tear up. Not cry, just tear up, and it came out of NOwhere, those tears. Earlier this morning, I was finding a photographer we can actually afford, (yay!) and I was SO excited about the find that I could’ve shouted it from my roof! Photographers and good WILL and DO take up most of your budget, it’s true! Anyway, just thought I’d share that! The steadfast emotions here though are happiness, contentment, love and excitement! -SL

Sunday, March 30, 2008
Happy Sunday!
I just wanted to post I love this day of the year, March 30th and 31st too, I just think they sound cool! Speaking of cool, it was quite literally cool and chili today in Vegas, but nice, windy too, but then again, it usually is windy in Vegas! LOL! Colin went ATVing wtih his buddy from work this morning and I (don’t fall over, folks) went to church. For the 2nd week in a row! WOW! Yeah, I know, I don’t consider myself a church going person and I can’t sit here and say that I’ll continue to go every week from now, but so far, I do like it, the church I go to is very contemporary, friendly and nice. It’s not at all too preachy or too long, the whole thing from music, drama skit, speech/sermon and closing is about 75 mins, that’s a church I can handle. Anyway, then I met Colin at the store and we went grocery shopping, he has been so wonderful lately (or always, really) and I’m so proud of us both, we’re really growing up together and working as a team and I’m so blissfully happy! Of course, we’re not perfect and Lord knows we have our moments, but I don’t know, I’ve got a new found patience, with him and with myself. Having my grandmother here a few weeks ago really helped too! I’m looking VERY foward to planning my wedding--yay! So much fun, so stressful mind you, but so much fun! Anyway, Colin’s downstairs sound a sleep and I know he won’t want to sleep much longer since he has to get up early for work tomorrow, so I’m going to go politely wake my man and write again very soon! I just wanted to say that I actually enjoyed church today and I’m doing very well! I’m happy! And that’s wonderful! Thank you Lord, for Your direction, grace, hope, paitence and love, and for all of the wonderful people in my life, especially my man!

4/11/08: Here
Do I have concerns about marriage? Yes, sometimes I do. Do I think it will be easy? No. Do I think it will be as hard as I thought it would? No. Do I know it's a concious, daily decision you make to work on it? Yes. Do I know it takes TWO to make it work? Yes. Do I think that Colin and I both have some things to work on, indivisually and collectively? Yes. Do I think that will ever change? No. Do I want the best for Colin and I, again, indiviusally and together? Absolutely yes! Do I think we have what it takes to make a marriage work? Yes. Do we have the patience, communication, compromise and commitment to make it work? Yes. Are there days when I miss my former life? No. Do I miss being single, not really. And I certainly don't miss my life before Colin! Anyway, gotta run!

God Bless us everyone, once and again and again and again!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)