Can you say Greedy?

Paula Abdul isn't returning to Americal Idol Awww, so sorry. Eh, not so much, actually. I think it is downright GREEDY to say that $20 Million isn't enough! TWENTY-MILLION DOLLARS!!! Ryan Seacrest just got a deal for $45 MILLION!!! SERIOUSLY! Do you know that like ONE MILLION dollars is a HUGE amount of money, which most of us will not see in a LIFETIME!

And these celebs are BITCHING that they're ONLY getting $20 MILLION! Poor you! Let me get my violin!

And "with sadness is my heart," please Paula...people going into fitness clubs and shooting innocent people is sad...you leaving American Idol, not that sad.

I agree that Ryan Seacrest should not be getting $45 Million, I've never understood why that man is EVERYWHERE! Yes, he's a good host, but not $45 million dollars worth good. And I agree, why SHOULD a man get more than a woman on the show? On any show, in any job--ANYWHERE! (Unless of course, they are genuinely better at the job)! They shouldn't. Men shouldn't make more than women and women shouldn't make more than men--period--at the very least, pay should not be based on gender.

I am proud to say that the ONLY season (of American Idol) that I got sucked into was Season 7, when David Cook won. But before that, and since then, I haven't watched.

I'm sure Paula is a genuine person, I can't judge her personality. I respect her for standing up for what she believes in, and backing down from something that she sees unfair. But really, I still believe this comes down to greed.

What I can say is this: if ALL of these CELEBRITIES didn't make $20--$100 MILLION for relatively EASY work....this country wouldn't be in debt!

We could FEED (almost) EVERYONE, clothe everyone and probably find them homes and decent health care too! The majority of America is up to their butt in debt, foreclosed homes, no homes and/or little or no health care. And even if we are fortunate enough to have homes/health care--we're coupon clipping and penny pinching until our fingers are bleeding.

It just makes me sick...seriously, $20 Million wasn't enough?!

The COUNTRIES and cities that could be fed, housed and nursed back to health with that amount of money is astounding! My Lord!

And no, I'm not jealous.I don't want $20 million. Truth be told, if it was handed to me, I don't think I'd say no. But, I do know that it honestly would not make me any more and less happy than I am today. Money does not buy happiness and countless celebrities will tell you that.

And besides, I wouldn't even know what to do with that amount of money--$20 million. My gosh!

I just think it's ridiculous and disgusting that most of Americans are working our butts off, some people 2 and 3 jobs, loosing their homes, worrying about heating/eating at the same time and end up having nothing left over to retire on because of other people's greed! Shame, shame, shame!

Nurses, firefighters and teachers....THOSE are the people that deserve the triple digit, million dollar salaries. Hosting a show, yeah, $20 million should be MORE than plenty!

Did I ever tell you that went to Hollywood once? I was there an hour and wanted a drink, (as in, pass me the rum) and I don't even drink! Now, I know why! Most messed up town I've ever been too! Sheesh!

God Bless & God HELP us all!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz


The Great Experiment! Not totally fine tuned yet, but worth a look! Check it out! Thanks!

Today I'm Grateful For...

Other bloggers have their regular/repeating/'signature' posts:

Some of my favorite bloggers have 'signature' posts entittled "Thinking," "Newsletter," "Commandment #...." "___# of ways to...be/screw up/improve...."

I've decided that my regular/repeating/signature post will be "Today I'm Grateful For," I seem to post it a lot recently, and I always seem to count my blessings in some way. In going back through the almost FIVE YEARS of this blog, I've found that I very often share what it is I'm grateful for that particular day. If I don't write it down here, I share it in some other way on Facebook, in my private/physical journal or with friends.

And with all of the negativity and complaining in the world lately (including from me), I think the signature post of 'Today I'm Grateful For,' is quite refreshing!

So here goes...my 'signature' post...

Today I'm Grateful For:

*The yummy vegetables and rice I had for dinner the other night!

*The out of this world delicious mango I ate last night!

*The calm, peaceful morning I had with Colin today!

*Him being so helpful with my lists lately! (He'll know what this means!)

*The beautiful, colorful orange/pink/green flowers Colin brought home for me night before last! They're just lovely!

*Finding my cell phone case in my robe this morning! I've been looking for it for weeks!

*Laughing my butt off at 'Friends,' right now!

*The ability to pee! Sounds odd, but true!

*The HILARIOUS conversation I had with my mom the other night! "You know, like a Lerner's?" What's that? "You know, like a mercantile shop?" Still, don't know what that is. "Like uh...s**t, Sarah, I feel old!" LOL! Hilariously funny! I felt SO young and even though I'm 25, I don't feel that young that often! Thanks, mom!

*Cute berry shoes that go with my white dress/black dress/white t-shirt & jeans! So pretty!

*My long, long hair with the summery red highlights in it! So cool! Thanks, grandma!

*My Nellie

*My fluffy, soft laveder robe!

*The all-natural soap I found at TJ's yesterday! Cheap too, even better!

*The green nail polish that I painted on my fingernails and toenails so well the other day! It looks neat and it's holding up well!

*Not having to go the hospital when I sliced my finger open in the kitchen theo ther night!

*Non-latex band aids!

*Magic Erase Pads and Scrubbing Bubbles!

*The LONG, HOT shower last night! Just lovely!

*Finding my rings (don't ask)! But really grateful for that!

*Writing so much latlely--entries, poetry, etc

*Being home today--no errands to run or house to keep!

THAT is what I'm grateful for today!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

Be Kind To Yourself

I certainly appreciate it when others are kind to me, and I feel better when I've been kind to them.

Kindness goes a long way! Numerous research studies have proven that the #1 trait people want in a mate/spouse/partner is KINDNESS.

Manners, chivalry.."please," "thank you," they all go a long way!

Lately, I have found myself telling most of my friends "be kind to yourself," I've said it a lot lately. And it got me thinking...kindness is pretty awesome! Most of us (I'd like to believe) are kind to others, but what about being kind to yourself?

What about releasing some of the pressure(s) that YOU put yourself under? What about stepping back and giving yourself the gift of kindness and loving honesty?

Being kind to yourself doesn't mean slacking off on your responsibilities. It doesn't mean blowing up at others or blowing off obligations. It means recognizing the fact that your actions DO have consequences. That you ARE responsible for your own life. But that you are also a human-BEING...not a human DOING. (Like Wynonna Judd always says!).

Being kind to yourself can involve the following:

*Standing up for yourself when you feel defeated, un-appreciated or all around treated badly.

*Not taking some one's crap for days/weeks/years on end when you KNOW you DESERVE better and have EARNED better.

*Allowing yourself room/time to THINK & BREATHE...without chaos.

*Being honest with yourself about your flaws and shortcomings, but ultimately, celebrating the many ways in which you EXCEL! And especially the areas in which you TOTALLY ROCK!

*It means putting your 'to-do' list away for a day, or at the very least, putting YOURSELF on that 'to-do' list!

*It may also mean putting your spouse on your 'to-do' list if that's one of the ways you cope with & release stress! ;)

*Eating a favorite food, listening to a favorite song or taking some time out during the day to do something just for YOU!

*Using a favorite bathroom product--lotion, hair gel, body wash, soap, shave gel, razor. And don't tell me men don't care at all about this stuff, because I know they do--at least to a point!

*Reminding yourself of the good things and great times you've been fortunate enough to experience in your life!

*It means KNOWING that you are worth it! (Not trying to channel the Lorea'l Slogan here, just saying! They have a point, you ARE worth it!)

*It's also not about being HIGH and MIGHTY and overly proud of boastful! But it IS about CELEBRATING who you are in your own unique ways!

That is what being kind to yourself is.

And today, I am proud that I was kind to: my husband, the telemarketer who called my house and my cat! And of course, I'm being extra-kind to myself!

As always, thank you, Lord, for it all!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

It's not always depression, and it ain't about a pill...

It's not ALWAYS depression, folks. A bad mood, a rotten day, a crappy feeling doesn't always have to equal depression. Sometimes, it's just life being life!

That's it!

I KNOW depression, and I can readily admit it when I'm going through it. But depression to me is a sense of hopelesness, lithlisness and an "I don't give a crap," attitude. I have none of that right now.

I have TONS of hope and TONS of motivation. I want to get SO much done and I care A LOT about what's going on in my life, and also in the world. This isn't depression, it's just a detour. An emotional exlporation, a re-prioritizing of things and feelings and life in general. How can that be depression?

Another thing, I also care about how I look lately, which for me, is a sign that I'm not depressed. When I am, I really could give a rat's butt about how I look. And lately, I WANT to look pretty. I want to surround myself with positivity. I WANT to smile and LAUGH and I'm still grateful for the little things! I WANT to call my friends and chat with them. If I was depressed, I wouldn't want to talk to anyone. And that's a fact. Anyone who's ever been depressed knows that you want to isolate yourself when it happens, and right now, being around people is great!

I'll admit to having been more negative lately, and I could use a real good spiritual cleansing! For sure! If there is a devil, he's definitely messing with my moods lately.

But, I'm really so sick and tired of being told "maybe, you're depressed." You know, there ARE other feelings in this world.

There are other predicaments. Not every crappy feeling in the world falls into the category of depression. Maybe there's anger, frustration, fear, lonliness, resentment, sadness, etc, etc...those are all VERY seperate feelings. Not great feelings, mind you, but feelings none the less.

I'm also tired of hearing to "take a pill," you know what, screw the pill!

This isn't about a pill! This is about a 25 year old woman coming to terms with what has happened thus far in her life, and where she wants to go from here.

A quarter life crisis, maybe? I don't think so.

I don't think questioning always equals crisis. I think questions are good. I think curiousity about yourself, your feelings and your future are good. Okay, not so good when they're endless, but in general, I've always had a sense of curioisty and I've always asked many questions.

I believe in the whole "Ask and you shall receive," thing, 110%. I have asked, and I AM receiving...a truck load of stuff. For instance, I'm learning that there really are no gaurantees in life, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't ask the question anyway.

It seems that by going through all of my physical possesions and purging those (we're moving next month, that is why I'm doing that---not because I'm "giving away all of my possesions," trust me, I'm not!)I have the urge to purge the emotional stuff too! To wipe my slate clean and start again!

And what I would like to know is exactly how and when the urge to do all of that suddenly meant "you must be depressed." Seriously!

If I was giving away ALL of my possesions and EVERY single thing I owned AND I had NO desire to "start again," or "re-new" myself....then I'd be depressed. If I didn't care about my looks at all and wasn't showering regularly, painting my toenails and RARELY leaving my house. Then I'd be depressed. If I wasn't talking to my friends on the phone and calling relatives like I NORMALLY do, then I'd be depressed. If I sat in this house all day long in my PJ's, and didn't eat at all or ate everything in sight...then I'd be depressed.

And honestly, NONE of that is happening!

Yes, I know, depression is a serious medical issue and there ARE pills to help it. I get it.

But you know, sometimes there is NO GOSH DANG PILL to make you feel better. That's probably why I never drank very much or ever once tried any recreational drug. None. At all. Ever. Why? Because I always thought that if I was going to screw up my life it was going to be MY fault, not some substances fault. And I wasn't going to PASS THE BLAME to some stupid drug! I was going to take responsibility for my own life! WHAT a concept? And I am. I am NOT the easiest person, I am NOT the most positive lately, I know that. At least I can sit here and admit it. I'm in denial of any of it. And if I was f****d up on drugs, that wouldn't be happening.

You know what else?

Perhaps we're not always supposed to take those pills. Perhaps we've become a society ENTIRELY WAY too dependent on pills and mood-stabilizers and "feel-good" medicine that we're no longer allowing ourselves the luxury of experiencing our NATURAL-FLOWING up and down MOODS? Even God gets angry once in a while. (Look around you, this crazy world is proof! He may be an all-loving God, but I know he must get ticked off at us human beings!)

Maybe we've become so damn used to popping those "happy pills," that we are no longer capable of FEELING or SORTING OUT anything on our OWN! Did anyone every think of that?!

I believe in medication for the right reasons. I really do. I believe that anti-depressants truly do help a lot of people. But, seriously, folks...sometimes, it's not always depression and it's not about taking a pill.

It's called REAL LIFE, it's called GROWING UP, it's called MARRIAGE and FAMILY and MOVING and all of that stuff!

And regardless of how crummy or stressful all of that may be at times, I personally WANT to FEEL THINGS! I WANT to LIVE things! I WANT to EXPERIENCE things! I want to LEARN things! And when we pop a pill every time one of the above happens...we become immune to the feeling, the living and the learning.

We forget how to EXPERIENCE things and depend on our OWN STRONG and WONDERFUL SELVES! We become to reliant on medication, instead of faith....we become reclusive and embarassed about things when really, the rest of the world is most likely facing the same exact struggles we are, but probably much worse. When we consistently pop pills to be "happy," we lose the inherent beauty of "learning the hard way," and being happy within our TRUE selves!

So, although depression is real and medication has its place...I ask of you to STOP the CRAP and FOCUS on WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON!

What are you REALLY feeling? What are you REALLY experiencing? Where is the REAL lesson you're supposed to be learning right now?

I know I'm feeling, experiencing and learning a lot lately, and I hope you are too. And if we're not as "happy" and "perky" while we're doing it, who cares! We will be happy again, we WILL get to know perky again. It just make take a while. And it doesn't necessarily mean we're depressed!

We're human, we're flawed and we're cracked. But God loves us anyway. He created us in His image and never promised an easy life. But His love and forgiveness and mercy....the knowledge of that alone makes me feel pretty darn happy and joyful. It brings peace in into my life and always spurs hope!

And those feelings, my friends, can never be duplicated with a pill!

And if you're not sure about God, or don't see it as a "Him," I sincerely apologize if I've offended you. There are MANY ways to start on the road to feeling better. I just know and love God, and I'm no ashamed to say it.

So, God Bless Us Everyone. Let us be a little kinder, a little gentler and a little easier with ourselves--and with each other!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz :)

I don't make frosting...

I don't make frosting. Right now, I'm watching Ina Garten make Chocolate Buttercream Frosting from SCRATCH! Who does that anymore? Perhaps someday I will, but for now, not only, no...but heck no!

I've spent the morning reading blogs and trying not to doze off. The blogs were interesting and fun, but the mere fact that I slept all of three hours (yes, count 'em, 1...2...3) last night is having a serious effect on my lingering ability to concentrate. I just could not sleep last night, and when I did, I had THE wierdest dreams--not nightmares, thank goodness, but just weird. You know the kind I'm talking about when you wake up and go 'What the heck!' Yeah, those dreams.

Anyway, Colin and I had a really nice morning together, a calm, kind, sane and enjoyable one. Imagine that! We had a huge fight last night, mostly with me going on and on and on about this and that and that and this. Oy! But, we made up before we went to bed and all is well again in our house! (Maybe the fight is why I couldn't sleep, although, strangely, I did feel better after it).

As Colin was getting ready for work this morning I informed him that "I won't be doing much today, just so you know."

At first, I felt bad, but on the other hand--at least I was honest about how I was going to spend my day. Reading/Writing/Watching Movies/Napping--sounds like a simply lovely day to me! All be it, not a very productive one!

But, you know, when Colin comes home tonight and sees the following: the house that hasn't been cleaned, the things haven't been sorted through & organized, phone calls that haven't been made and 3 garbage bags full of old crap aren't sitting in the garage--hey, he won't be surprised! I've been doing SO much lately...cleaning, organizing, appointment making, clearing out, packing up, errand running and so on....and it's just getting to me.

I need a day off, just to veg out. Just because I don't "work," in a "real" place with a "real" job, doesn't mean I don't work. I do a lot around here--A LOT! So does my husband, but he works one of those real jobs (thank God--sincerely I thank the Lord each day that he has a job!) so if he doesn't want to do something at home one day he has the luxary of saying "hey, I worked today!" I don't. That's okay, but sometimes, we just need to take a day off. Whether we "work" or not.

Yesterday, I went the Dentist and I have SIX cavities! SIX! I was SO pissed! I'd like to say I wasn't, but oh boy, I was mad! I mean, I brush my teeth twice a day, don't drink soda and RARELY eat candy anymore! So, how in God's name did I end up with SIX cavities? It boggles my mind! And no, I will NOT be having all six filled at once. I don't care to do that to myself, after 32 surgeries, I'm careful about the ways in which I subject myself to physical pain now a days. Granted, compared to the 32 surgeries, this should be no big deal. But for some reason, it is. I work so hard at my health and try my damnest to take care of my ENTIRE body, and I still end up with six cavities! SIX! That's 1/5 of my mouth, folks!

I'm not AFRAID of the Dentist, I've had fillings before. One or two at a time, no big deal. But, one or two at a time...3--6 times in a row, whew! I have a whole new respect for my husband, I feel for you, baby, I really! I just feel jipped, you know. Like I actually take care of my mouth and my teeth and my health and I still get shit on. That's just not fair. Fillings are relatively easy, I know, but even women have said that dental work and mouth pain is worth than childbirth. So, to me, these fillings that need to be done, they're just miserable. All dental work is. And there's no anathesia involved, remember that.

Anyway, I SHOULD be calling around getting price quotes for those fillings and a good thorough teeth cleaning too--but I'm not. I'm sitting here writing, not even exactly sure of what I'm writing line to line, but whatever, I just feel like writing. Writing is my refuge, that and prayer. I write more during times of trial, and it's such a creative, flowing process. It's very healing in some ways. Like I said the other day, I'm very careful about what I write on here, I don't care to share very aspect of my life--some of it is no one's business and I don't want any of it coming back later to bite me in the butt. But, I digress.

I will share this: I'm not proud of how I acted yesterday, not at all. I turned into a whiny, bitchy, whimpy BABY! And I hate that. I really do hate that. I don't like being around those kinds of people, and I turned into one! But it was like I just couldn't help it. I'm human too, you know.

My grandma and I talked a bit on the phone, and she said some things that made me really stop and think. And I've not stopped since. I'm always thinking!

But, what I'm thinking mostly now is that I need to light a fire under my own butt and get some stuff done--not STUFF...not cleaning/organizing necessarily, but I need to get things SAID! In a nice, respectful and productive way, to a few key people in my life. I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards certain people for certain reasons and I've not found a way to effectively voice them just yet. I'm still looking! I did find a great blog about 23 things NOT to say in a fight--I printed it out, I'm sure it'll help! I don't want to be mean, I don't want to be a bitch--that's just not who I am. But I also can't go along in this life PRETENDING that all is happy and perfect and positive. It's just not.

Sure, I have a great life, an incredibly blessed one with so very, very much to be grateful for. When I really sit and think about my life and the numerous miracles in it, I tear up--out of joy and gratitude, and that is no lie. But there are also things in my life that haven't made me happy, things that don't make me smile and that I can no longer "stuff down."

I WANT to be a happy, positive, bright and upbeat person. I firmly believe that THAT is WHO I AM! But I can't become that again if I don't learn how to effectively communicate the not so bright side sometimes. I can't move forward in my life, emotionally or spiritually, until I do a little de-cluttering--literally and figuratively.

So, while it is my sincere hope and prayer that I BECOME that happy, bright and positive person again REALLY soon, I'm going to close this entry how I started it:

I can no longer "frost" over everything all the time. I can't "sugar-coat," the occasional crumbly cake.

I'm getting used to how the cake tastes on its own, minus the sugar-caoted frosting and all. And I have to say, I sincerely like it. A lot! The taste of real, honest cake without the hassle of evenly spread frosting or extra sugar to make it seem sweeter than it really is...yeah, it tastes pretty darn good right now!

Thank you, Lord, for these realizations. For the forgiveness of my negativity and for letting me know FOR REAL that it's NOT depression I'm feeling, but a clear-cut SIGN that I not only need to be honest with myself, and with You, but I need to be honest with others too!

I don't intend on going on any rampages, or doing so in a raving-bitchy sort of way. Please help me to find a way to do this, poetically, ethically and respectfully. Thank you Lord, so much, for it all!

And by the way, I'll take another slice of the plain cake, and I'll eat it too, just don't ask me to frost it for a while!

In Light N' Love,
-Sarah Liz